Honest and open discussion about mental health issues can be invaluable in combating the stigma associated with seeking professional care.
But this is not quite that.
A gay adult film performer gave live updates of his difficult breakup, and while anyone who’s ended a serious relationship can attest to the all-consuming agony that accompanies sudden separation, it’s almost certainly a better idea to call a family member or close friend than to post on Twitter and Instagram for public consumption.
For 22-year-old Helix performer Ben Masters, this may be a lesson learned the hard way.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Masters was understandably upset after learning his boyfriend Angel Rivera, a fellow performer, cheated on him. Yes, even for adult film performers, open communication is absolutely vital for a healthy, nurturing relationship.
Masters posted private telephone numbers of Helix employees and confirmed he’d been hospitalized for “severe depression and anxiety.”
He then took to Instagram to share more in his story:
A cry for help is a cry for help, and we sincerely hope Masters is addressing what needs to be addressed in his life.
But perhaps a moment of consideration is needed before hitting the “share” button.
Masters has since taken to Twitter to update everyone on his progress, and apologize:
And his most recent update is his best idea yet:
So what’s the moral of the story? Be kind to those around you — you never know what someone is going through.
And if you do need help, ask for it. Here’s a place to start.
MaxTaste
It’s sad to see anyone in pain. I hope he gets his life back together.
rozz01
Thats the sort of heart most people should have
DCguy
Early relationships are often some pretty harsh training for learning how to live your life. Hopefully he is doing better. It’s a shame people have access to instagram and other things when they are going through things like this.
Older people went through rough times and then they were done. Now with instagram your worst day can live on forever.
barkomatic
I wish him a quick recovery and that eventually he gains the wisdom to be able to be better handle break-ups and relationship issues. This likely will not be the last time he experiences these difficulties and it’s a great idea to see how gay men with successful relationships handle them.
crowebobby
So many teens and young adults go through this — and many never get out of it. I don’t see how sharing (in this day and age) can be anything but beneficial. Young people need to realize it is not an experience unique to them and there is help available . . . even if it has to be as extreme as hospitalization.
silveroracle
Agreed.
Jim
MUCH BETTER resource for him is http://www.thetrevorproject.org .
Donston
Yes, younger people are more “fragile” in many ways. But youth plus being a gay/gay-leaning/”queer” man tends to in particular equate to dealing horribly with break-ups. I held off breaking up with my first long-term bf because I could tell he wouldn’t be able to take it. And sure enough, a few weeks after I broke up with him his sister called me saying he was talking about killing himself. I myself am not immune. I love perhaps too intensely and felt so vulnerable and emotional and uneasy when I started dating guys in my early 20’s. I was considering just going back to chicks. It took me months to recover and kick a bout of depression and self-resentment when a guy I had only went out with a couple times didn’t want to see me anymore.
It seems like too many of us “queers” depend too much on other people to maintain our egos, our sense of self and our morale. Too many people in general use relationships (as well as sex, drugs, attention, etc.) to stave off depression, anxiety, self-hate. So, when it doesn’t work out there’s nothing keeping you afloat. For some guys just one really bad relationship or break-up sends them running to women/makes them hate men for life or sends them down a spiral of depression, self-destruction and/or distrust that can sometimes last for many, many years. Some of us just give up on having a legit relationship fairly early in life.
Too many are just too damn frail. While youth is a big part of the equation, you can’t blame it all on being a “twink”, because there are many like this who are way past their twink stage.
JK 1984
I can relate to what Donston says.
While heartbreak/pain is not exclusive to LGBTI people by any means, there is definitely more potential for issues that straight people don’t have to deal with. Such as internal/external homophobia, stunted emotional growth from hiding, being the “other” in society.
For me, as a teen I knew I was gay deep down but suppressed it because I didn’t want to be what I saw gay as, I.e. effeminate, getting AIDS and dying alone (This was late 90s, early 2000s in New Zealand so we didn’t have much/any positive representation). Because of this view I just threw myself in that closet and didn’t learn the emotional intelligence to deal with breakups.
Then with the heartbreak of falling in love/lust with straight boy after straight boy (mostly due to that internal homophobia) who wouldn’t/couldn’t reciprocate my feelings, by the time I finally got into a gay relationship I was already “damaged goods”. When that relationship didn’t work out (at the time at least) i didn’t know how to cope and went to a dark place like the guy in this story.
It wasn’t until I learned to love myself that I got the skills to deal with these types of things. It worked out in the end for me thankfully, 10 years in relationship (with the first guy i dated no less) and getting married in a few months.
For people out there struggling, all I can say is hang in there, it is cliche but it does get better and that first (Or second, or tenth) love will hurt, butt with every hurt you will get stronger.
And talk to someone, be it a friend, counsellor, family member or even some random person at a bar. Talking helps.
Chris
Well, luckily he didn’t also get dragged by a gay website on top of all of that. I mean, that would just be insult to injury.
inbama
Bravo.
Donston
Yes, for many gay/gay-leaning men internal and external homophobia, depression, anxiety, self-destructive patterns, self-misandry, an underdeveloped or convoluted ego or self-esteem make it very difficult to maintain a healthy relationship with another man and can make it very difficult to recover from one that doesn’t work out.
The whole lgbtq “movement” places so much emphasis on sex and relationships and not enough on loving yourself, respecting yourself, building up your own ego and self-esteem instead of entirely depending on others, and general mental health in general. But I’ve sorta accepted that is what it is at this.
Donston
Also, this obsession with trying to have sex and relationships with straight/straight-leaning guys or trying to “turn” them seems to be incredibly prevalent among gay/gay-leaning men. It’s so prevalent that I’m not certain anything can be done about it. I’ve hooked up with a couple of suppsed “straight guys”. But trying to be with someone who clearly doesn’t view me as their sexual and romantic preference has never been an issue of mine. I feel bad for these guys who spend their whole lives obsessed with “straight guys” and remain desperate to hook up with them and try to be with them. Frustration, disappointment and continued self-resentment all seem pretty inevitable.
And good luck on the wedding and marriage. While I just talked all about independently bulding up your ego and self-esteem, there really is nothing like being thoroughly satisfied and content with a partner.
chris33133
I’m glad he had enough presence of mind to go to a hospital.
Bob LaBlah
@Kangol………”Bob, you do realize a whole thread on that Black Panther actor who was outed got deleted, right? A thread with about 7 comments, that began with an overtly racist comment.”
What I do know is when I posted my comment to ChrisK the article AND sixty-five comments were still up. Where you came up with seven comments I don’t know but for reasons I won’t go into I am not surprised YOU came up with such a small nbr. Many of you sound exactly like what they want all the rest of us to become (the type that won’t rock the boat when called for). You understand their policy just as well as I do but out of fear you might no longer be allowed to comment you keep silent or alter things to lessen the impact. Hey, its a free world and your prerogative to do so but just keep in mind they do not help you keep your lights on any more than mine. What is there to lose other than your pride and dignity?
skeldare
Wow, this guy used to be a credible dancer/actor, didn’t realize he went into porn.
Donston
I’ve been reprimanded once and have had a couple of my comments deleted. They were goofy/jokey comments at that (one of the deleted comments was just me saying a dude had a nice butt, as if this site doesn’t regularly promote fawning over dudes” body parts). However, there is plenty of trolling here, plenty of off-topic comments and plenty of uncalled for disrespect towards one another. So, I get it. But swiping away most anything controversial is not needed.
Cylest Brooks
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: if I have to delete a comment, any replies to that comment also disappear. Sometimes that means your comments will be deleted even if they don’t violate the policy.
Y’all can complain all you want… I get that change is hard. It’s a new policy, and a working one, and it’s not going away. Luckily, keeping your comments positive and focused on the subject matter are two great ways to lessen the likelihood that your comment will be deleted.
Bradsman
The gay community prizes youth above everything else for its beauty but we sometimes forget the drama and immaturity that goes along with it. I feel sorry for him but those kinds of intensity of feelings go along with youth. It’s never easy.
Mpo2411
It’s truly nice for once to read a comment section where everyone is understanding and non-critical and without judgement.