Navy Capt. Owen Honors’ Homophobic Anal Probe Videos Didn’t Get Him Fired

Captain of the USS Enterprise Jean Luc Picard Owen Honors tried to lift the morale of over 6,000 sailors aboard his nuclear-powered aircraft carrier by showing them self-produced “movie night” videos with “anti-gay slurs, simulated masturbation, the simulated eating of human excrement, a discussion of profanity and sexually-themed shower scenes.” Honors had been suspended while the Navy investigated.

They have now decided that while Honors committed misconduct with his anal probe/banana hammock videos, he should not be discharged. Military commenters have said that this basically ensures that the 30-year service member won’t get promoted past his current rank. But if Honors decides to quit, he has a promising career in producing homemade, homoerotic military softcore.