Before 15-year-old Jamie Hubley killed himself on Friday, he spent three months chronicling his pain on Tumblr with “angst-filled quotes and startling images of self-harm.”
But even though Hubley hated being the only openly gay kid at his high school—and felt sad about being called a “fag,”—the Ottowa teen’s suicide seems to have been prompted primarily by a chronic depression rather than bullying at school.
Hubley’s Tumblr blog, “You can’t break… when you’re already broken,” had some pictures of hairless, muscular guys kissing and the occasional landscape photo. But mostly it consisted off animated GIFs of sad cartoon animals, pictures of people who have cut themselves with razors, and a mix of quotes and personal admissions about his increasing despair.
Clicking through his entries is like a morbid digital countdown. A small sampling of his comments and quotes posted over the last three months:
When I went for my appointment…
Therapist: Have you cut?
Me: No, Its been six weeks…
(But in reality, I cut last night.)
You’re the one who broke my heart, you’re the reason my world fell apart, you’re the one who made me cry, yet I’m still in love with you and I don’t know why.
If you could read my mind you’d be in tears.
I don’t know if I’m getting better or just used to the pain.
Reblog if you’re so sad and want to die but really just want someone to love you.
Theres a lady running for president in the USA, and if she makes it in shes banning same sex marriage D: Fuck the U.S. D: Someone assassinate her please? I thought love was a Human right?
Love is the slowest form of suicide.
New package of razors. Brb. Cutting.
What if it never gets better?
So many hate messages on facebook and tumblr right now.
Fuck off. Like, now :)
Had an amazing time at pride…
But now im just in a shitty mood, Not even gay guys are attracted to me… I Am ugly as fuck, Im sad .—.
SO fucking upset.
GOing to go cry
I need to get drunk
I want a guy to actually fucking love me back
To be Honest…
..I dont think Il be around much longer.
Going for stitches. K.sick.
It’s been one day of school and I’ve already had enough.Whenever I appear happy it’s because I’ve temporarily gone insane.
“How was your day?”
I wanted to kill myself every fucking minute of it.
I think I hit a nerve while cutting .-.
When I touch it , I feel like im being electrocuted on my thumb ,-,
In your world, The thought of wanting to die is crazy. In my world, You’re the crazy one who wants to live.
Hubley’s depression is evident through his increasingly desperate posts: They paint the image of a young teen with few friends and a painful desire for a loving boyfriend.
NEXT: What caused Hubley’s pain?