“The teaching of the Catholic Church is that persons cannot change their gender,” say the the Greater St. Albert Catholic school board in Alberta, Canada, which did not elaborate on the church’s findings about clownfish. It’s a response to substitute teacher Jan Buterman’s claim he was banned from working with the schools after announcing he was changing his gender. “One’s gender is considered what God created us to be,” Greater St. Albert says in a letter to Buterman, who filed a complaint with the Alberta Human Rights Commission. “Since you made a personal choice to change your gender, which is contrary to Catholic teachings, we have had to remove you from the substitute teacher list.” Ya know what? If Jesus can walk on water and turn water to wine, we’re pretty sure god is just fine with other miracles, like turning a vagina into a penis. ‘Cause really, that’s some shit.