Editor’s note: We’ve asked online comedian, voice actor and chest hair model Sam Kalidi to create a new meme each week for Queerty readers. This week he looks at runway model Dexter Mayfield, who killlllled it at the Marco Marco fashion show in L.A. earlier this week. Sam looks forward to all your hate mail. You can find him on Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and at your local glory hole.
Never let the media or anyone else fat shame you. Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Thank you Dexter Mayfield.
Grant Mealey
Of course….there are unenlightned in every group ð???
Xzamilio
Beauty does come in all shapes and sizes… but those clothes were hideous in the Marco Marco collection for that runway. But Dexter Mayfield is fucking everything… I can’t do anything but bow to big bad bitches doing the shit like that!!! I mean, I’m losing weight, but I love him.
Phranc Azzhee
Oh yes among others. It’s not any better in that world. Taking a look from the inside out can be frightening. It’s disgusting but there are a few, very few, angels.
Justin Palmer
I wish I had this guys confidence.
Malcolm Grant
Yes, but nowhere near as much as they age shame.
I’m 50 and as far as patrons and staff in most gay venues are concerned I may as well not exist.
Brandon Lee Brown
Yes they do.
Shaunna Rai
Most do although it’s wrong … but yes gays are the worst in pointing out the flaws of others
Amaurys Arias
Gay men, sadly.. shame everything. Is called no self esteem.
Derrick M. Miller
Omg yes they do!!
GLF
Not enough.
Steve Davies
Some do, some don’t. Just like straights. Does Queerty try to lump us all together as if we didn’t have our own minds? Yes.
Gerald GeeLocke Panuthos
yes
ingyaom
How about this: Don’t be ashamed of being fat; be concerned about being unhealthy.
Brad Russell
You better damn well believe gay men fat shame. I experience it ALL the time.
Dave Basora
Sadly many do.
Patrick Crawford
Yes
Sheldon Siegel
We fat shame. We fem shame. We bottom shame. Translation: we’re douche bags just like everyone else.
Stefano
Yes…just like straight people. Why do you think that women always want to be thin and are obsess with their weight?!??
Mark Bernard
Allan Cordero especially.
badtungsten
@ingyaom: Amen @ingyaom, you got it 100% correct. People should care about being healthy, not necessarily what health translates to on the outside.
Joe
@Malcolm Grant:
Agree. Age shame is mind blowing. Although I look younger than my age 53, I tend to stay out of the bars except for one where the over 40 crowd go to. I feel more comfortable. Plus, I get the humor there. If I go into the “in” bars and clubs, I am surrounded by twinks with no respect and feel more self importance. It’s a complete turn-off to go to those places when I just want to have a drink and relax with my husband.
Fat shamming? I’ve never seen it personally, but I am sure it happens. Shaming seems to be part of life nowadays no matter what the issue is. It’s sad all the way around.
Stefano
@Joe: i’m 47 y.o. and i look older than my age and i’m also ugly …so i stay away from gay bars. It is better for my health. 🙂
Arcamenel
Yes. The only shaming that SHOULD be done is kinkshaming. I don’t need to know that you like to be tied up and ball gagged. Stop coming to parades in harnesses and dog collars. Pride is about showing the word you are confident in your sexual orientation or gender identity, not that wearing diapers gets you off.
Greg Ballard
The oppressed often become the oppressors.
Michael Clifford
OMG – of course we do!
Dieter Michaels
unless you are a 20 something looking abercrombie clone with 1000 pics of you taking a selfie of you holding up your overpriced shirt to reveal your abs, then yes… you are shamed in the land of gay.
Victor Barry
Yes.
sportsguy1983
This must be a rhetorical question.
Brock Thoroughman
ONLY Gay people fat shame…..Because they are so different, and in their own classification. Yet fight for equality and protest for their rights. This is what creates a divide. Dumb questions to just make a garbage article for clicks. “Gay people” are human just as any other human being.
Glücklich
The answer is yes.
Just as thin doesn’t automatically equal hot, big does not automatically equal undesirable. I don’t find this particular guy attractive but the styling is certainly doing him no favors.
@Joe:
*I’ve* felt more comfortable in the over-40 type bars since I was 21. More intelligent crowd, polite, and I can see and hear in them. Knowledge, experience, and accomplishment have always been turn-ons for me and no place with a smoke machine or a deafening cacophony seems to attract it.
Masc Pride
In other news, the sky is blue.
But what do you expect? Fat guys wear their laziness and lack of discipline/self-control. I feel like a lot of guys that try to get up on their high horses about this are full of shit. How many of you guys are just dying to get in bed with 500-pounder?
SeeingAll
@Masc Pride: And then when the 500 pounders get together and try to label themselves “bears”, they try to turn the tables and get just as snotty and exclusive as anybody.
alphacentauri
Yes.
@SeeingAll: Yes that’s true.
Fern8783
when I see articles about fat shaming in the gay community I’m like you got to be kidding me?? The gay community glorifies and accepts big men aka bear bars….Women don’t have any of that…if you’re a woman and fat…you’re just fat…so basically, feel sorry for women who are fat and stop complaining.
Michael Lloyd
Yes
Bauhaus
I’m attracted to many different body shapes and sizes. Attractive isn’t specific, for me. I’ve gotta be into the guy, his vibe, the full package, not just a body type.
Ray Ivey
Absolutely they do.
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: Wow. A lot of self depreciation there. Do you really hate your body that much you have to shame yourself? We all know you’re not fit and carry quite a few extra pounds.
Look at it this way, I like my guys slim. I don’t care for big bellies. If someone is into that more power to them. I do think laziness has something to do with people letting themselves go like that, but I’m not going to lecture them on what they should or shouldn’t do.
Ariel Hans Christian
Unfortunately we become those bullies from grade school when we become ‘princes’ after getting kissed when we are ‘frogs’…but my BEST sex has been with my big bois. I had washboards thinking it would be fun and sexy and hot…WRONG! I’M NOT A BENCH PRESS YOU FUCKER! So I went back to my big bois…I love someone to hold onto and who knows HOW to use his body. Big Bois are the BEST!
Avery Alvarez
The only person who can shame you is YOURSELF, when you let other people dictate how you feel about yourself with their words.
Lee Swinney
Sure they do as well as some don’t like Twinks , and others leather and others preppy boys. It’s human nature to have yourr own preference or type. It’s all wrong, GLT and Bi’s have enough bias against us. We should practice respect, to get it!
Masc Pride
@SeeingAll: Exactly. Double standards seem to be the gay way though. Like how poz guys can serosort as they please but if a negative guy does it…off with his discriminatory head! Black and Asian guys can be “whites only”, but if a white guy has the same preference…R-WORRRRD! It’s part of why I steer clear of fat poz MOC. lol
Masc Pride
To the hypersensitive PC warriors: Relax, that last part was just a joke. Sort of.
Mike Topjian
Of course they do, I’ve been successfully fat shaming myself for years. My most recent manifestation of fat shaming has me walking 5 miles a day.
woodin
Of course they do and the community can be very caustic about it, all the while maintaining a smile on their face as they do it.
Vegas Tearoom
Fat shame…not really. To shame someone you have to actively engage them. The gay community Fat Shunns. One become invisible. You are subconsciously moved away from. A fat person could walk into a gay bar, go behind the bar, garrote the bartender, dump the till, make themselves a Bloody Mary, leave and NOBODY would be able identify the the fat person. Fat Shunning turns people into nonentities.
Kevin J Desmond
I only fat shame Chris Chrisitie aka Chripsy Kream …. New Jersey Gov,
tazz602
Thin gays fat shame and fat (chub/bears/??) slim shame – both pretty equally in my real life experience as both.
Mario Francisco Garcia
We are Borg
surreal33
Unfortunately, most gay men (not all) are like bitchy high school cheerleaders. Gay men fat shame, black shame, poor shame, etc. I think it is a defense mechanism and it is sad.
Tobi
@Mario Francisco Garcia: You will be asliminated.
Blackceo
Do gay people fat shame? Is a frog’s ass water tight? I don’t feel as though I shame, but whenever I was looking to date someone I was not interested in fat men. If you had a little belly that was fine. I actually prefer that to super muscular guys whose arms are as big as my thigh and have the swollen look. But there is a difference between being a little thick and being fat. In terms of outside of who I was looking to fuck, I never gave a damn. I don’t not become friends with someone if they are fat. I do encourage them to lose weight not because of anything superficial but because it is just better for their health.
Pete
Nobody seems to have mentioned that obesity is a disease. The ‘unique’ beauty in that video is at high-risk for diabetes (if he isn’t already) and will likely die of something related to obesity unless he does something about it.
If shaming gets them into the gym, Weight Watchers, etc., it’s not a bad thing.
Pete
@Xzamilio: Beauty does assume many shapes, and the masculine variety is typically broad-shouldered, muscular, and lean around the waist.
Lvng1Tor
Humans shame other humans
yaletownman
The more judgement one receives the more judgment that person is likely to give out. Takes a lot of work and self love to move past this dynamic which I believe drives a plethora of human problems. The beginning of healing requires embracing ones self judgments and changing the beliefs we hold toward ourselves. Then we will develop the necessary compassion to extend this to others. This is the real definition of forgiveness. Seeing and understanding what is the truth about ourselves and extending that discovery to help others see themselves as they truly are.
Arconcyyon
They endresss next city club ilgbttq tuor is they there were that show humor fashion the bear´s byby bear´s byby is collection MARCOMARCUS@ ! One the humnor end the sorry end week .kkkkkkk very pepe kkkkk nice pepe has kkkk your .
Martin Barry
We are the most brutal judges after old asian ladies
Price JA
I don’t think all gay men fat shame but I do think gay male culture fat shames.
DavidIntl
@Malcolm Grant: I will agree that I perceive far more disdain directed toward me in a gay social context for not being particularly young than for not being particularly slim. And of course, philosophically, I really embrace the idea of accepting everyone as they are (one of the things that I find a bit disappointing about the gay scene in Sydney is that it seems less accepting of diversity than other places I have lived).
With that said, I do suspect that sometimes it is hard to determine whether it is age or weight that is the important factor in play in people’s perceptions, because the two go hand in hand so often. I have had people in this forum berate me before for openly discussing my tendency to date younger guys. And part of the attraction to younger guys is the open-mindedness, energy and innocence of youth. But at least as big a factor is that I am particularly drawn to the ectomorph build. It is pretty common among 20-year-olds. It is pretty uncommon among 45-year-olds. But the rare 45-year-old who still maintains that ultra-slim look can seem pretty attractive to me.
Carl McClanahan
We have become a country of babies that cry about everything.
jar
@yaletownman: That was beautifully stated. And the absolute truth.
Michael Martinez
All the time. There would be no bear community if gay men didn’t make anyone who is too “big”, or tall, or unattractive feel like they were intruding on a sacred space for showing up at a gay bar or a gay function of some kind.
Giancarlo85
@DavidIntl: You can be fit when you age if you have commitment. People often use age as an excuse to be unfit and unhealthy. Trust me I will never be unfit because my health is top priority.
meghanada
Sorry but high standards is good – for everything, in your job, academic performance, as well as appearance and self-care.
Everything good in life is the result of hard work.
Everything mediocre is the result of lack of effort.
Being fit is the result of hard work.
Being fat is the result of not driving oneself hard.
Therefore being fit is good.
And being fat is bad.
oz1967
FUCK YES, also ageist anyone over forty might as well not exist.
Xzamilio
But, I have to be honest — and I don’t know why I didn’t plug my own blog as I often do (no apologies for shameless advertising), there is a difference between calling someone to task for fat-shaming, and simply guilt tripping someone into not liking a body type that you are, but that you wouldn’t want if you were on the other side.
http://shallowvoices.blogspot.com/2015/05/long-rant-transparency-of-fat-shaming.html
In other words, if you are on the heavy side and you wouldn’t date a heavy person, what gives you the right to shame someone who IS your type but doesn’t want you for the exact same reason?
Giancarlo85
@Xzamilio: That’s an issue I see a lot. I got verbally attacked by a fat guy for not wanting to go out with him (this happened when I was single). He said I was fat shaming him and making him feel bad. I never did that. All I said is that he wasn’t my type. Then I got called “narrowminded”. No, this is just what I prefer. I don’t like layers of fat rubbing on my body. That isn’t sexy to me.
If someone finds that sexy, more power to them… but simply not for me.
DjARD
@meghanada:
“Everything good in life is the result of hard work.
Everything mediocre is the result of lack of effort.
Being fit is the result of hard work.
Being fat is the result of not driving oneself hard.
Therefore being fit is good.
And being fat is bad.”
Is this a joke? Or do you actually view the world this simplistically, like some sort of gay Ayn Rand?
ButtStuff
@Giancarlo85: Shut the fuck up.
Giancarlo85
@ButtStuff: Nope! And I know that pisses you off, SeeingNothing.
bicurious
Of course the gays fat shame in New York and California but in the part of the country in between probably not as much. The eye adjusts to different standards and in the midwest and south everyone is more heavy set.
samathome1010
My partner gained weight after we became a couple. I still couldn’t love him more. Also, he’s always had a thing for very large men.
Giancarlo85
@bicurious: Shorter life expectancies and higher rates of heart disease I presume?
Blackceo
@Giancarlo85:
Oh you were doing so well until you got to the part about not wanting layers of fat rubbing against your body. I agreed with everything else right up to that. I just don’t think it was necessary to say that. For me, Im a very active person. Cycling, tennis, swimming, rowing, running, hiking, skiing. Just about anything cardio. So..I looked for that in someone I wanted to date because I wanted someone to do that stuff with. Naturally, that was going to rule out anyone who wasn’t in some sort of decent shape. But being fit doesn’t always mean having a flat stomach. You can have a “dad bod” and be in better shape than someone with a 6 pack.
Homo Erectus
Do Gay People Fat Shame?
Probably not enough, judging from the last few Pride parades I’ve been to. Please keep your shirts on, drunken fat guys!
bicurious
Of course it is only the gays with arrested development/Peter Pan syndrome who in any way CARE if they are “fat shamed.” A fully developed adult man is going to have bigger and better things on his mind than what some other gay at the bar or what have you thinks about his physique.
Giancarlo85
@Blackceo: I’m a very direct person. I was saying my own PREFERENCE. If someone likes that fine. It isn’t my business to judge. And no, I’m not into that “dad bod” nonsense because no… you aren’t in a better shape with a body like that. Obviously I’m not looking for someone anoerexic trying to starve themselves because that is very unhealthy. But my preference is someone slim, toned and keeps healthy. The dad bod look isn’t healthy… obviously it’s not as unhealthy as the guy in the video. The strain the guy must put on his heart and vital organs can’t be good.
Marky
@bicurious: Exactly.
Zombie_Killer
I am HIV+ and due to the meds I take and reactions I am now living with a large belly. I find that I am one who does it to myself as I feel fat and unattractive.
But to those who have a trim body and are rude to those not so trim they should judge their own bodies imperfections first, as I am sure they have.
youarekiddingme
We are who we are. I’m in my 50’s and get endless shit in the gay community (age shame if that’s what you want to call it). It will happen to us all (aging). I work out very hard (6 days a week) and I’m in better shape than I was in my 20’s….but, a couple of years ago I was taking meds that caused a lot of weight gain so I can also see it from the other side as well. I understand my brothers and sisters who have medical conditions that preclude them from either losing weight and/or exercising…that’s why it’s difficult to judge from the outside. Unfortunately our society is eating so horribly and exercising so little that more and more of our youth are obese than any other time in history. It is Deplorable. Juvenile Diabetes is out of control. Heart Disease (even happening among kids!)
The most troubling things I hear from some people in the gym are, “Oh, you’re naturally in good shape,” or “you naturally have a good metabolism.” There’s nothing “natural” about working out 6 days a week. There’s nothing “natural” about passing up all the delicious, fatty food that I have to pass up in a week. Join me for a week and see how “easy or natural” it is. As some of the posters have said, it’s about not having the drive or desire to put in the hard work.
I get shamed almost every day for my age. Fuck em. I can care less. Yes people do “fat shame” it’s a freakin epidemic. Very soon, at this rate, no one will be able to shame anyone because everyone will be “fat.”
Louis
First of all work it work that was awesome love that confidence . 🙂
As far as the question yes they do and its bad enough heterosexuals do this to people who are not stick thin.
Not everyone looks the same and you don’t have to that’s the beautiful thing about this world.
If you can accept and love yourself no matter what you weigh as long as you are healthy it doesn’t matter and it doesn’t.
Don’t change yourself in order to satisfy what everyone else thinks be true to you and love you .
Louis
Not to mention remember this if you feel you want to lose weight if that’s how YOU feel then do what you feel you want to do.
Do it for you not anyone else if someone says you need to lose weight ignore them because they aren’t you and they don’t understand.
Its like the old saying about walking in another persons shoes people do not understand unless they are actually walking in those same shoes.
People nowadays are too insensitive and heartless especially within the LGBT community which is quite frankly pathetic.
Masc Pride
@Zombie_Killer: I’ve read about this online. Apparently it’s fat trapped under the abdomen instead of over. There’s a name for it, but I forgot. Is it definitely the drugs or could the actual HIV infection be causing it? Like would someone (neg) on PrEP be at the same risk for developing this “side effect” over time?