Happy Endings: Fiona Apple’s Pine Cones

•After spending the last few years productively cutting out “little pine-cone people with razor blades,” Fiona Apple sets down her carving knife and releases a new album next week.

•Oprah sanctifies a musical version of The Color Purple with her golden touch. It’s safe to say she isn’t letting Rosie O’Donnell and Boy George anywhere near this one.

•We suppose even drunken queens in Boston have to laugh.

•Let the record show that Queerty does not need Viagara. Hell, we’re still only a month old.

•R.I.P. gay writer (and cannibalism dabbler), Tobias Schneebaum.