Happy Endings: Seacrest Out. Literally.

• Ryan Seacrest supports “don’t ask, don’t tell.” At least when it comes to questions regarding his sexuality. [The Trentonian via Gawker]

• Andy has plenty of evidence that suggests Punxsutawney Phil is gay, but what we really want to know is if he’s a top or a bottom. Since he’s into burrowing himself into holes, we suspect it’s probably the former. [Towleroad]

• Elton John’s upcoming aging rock star ABC sit-com is not based on his own life. And don’t you even dare call him “over-the-hill.” [Reuters UK]

• Swedish prosecutors are no longer pursuing a Christian nut who has compiled an online gay death list. Um, sounds rational. [The Local]

• You know what makes us “physically sick?” Knowing there are people out there who have never heard of Brokeback Mountain. [Times Mail News]

• Texans will make sure gays can’t marry in that state but they’ll take as much GLBT money as they can get! [CBS 11]