My first problem, I was surprised to learn, was that having a penis is un- appealing to gay men’s iconography. Dan Savage, sex columnist and creator of the It Gets Better project, told me that gay icons are almost always beautiful women. This, he said, is “so we can think of all the dudes we could get if we were you. But then you have to have a tragic love life, because it used to be tragic love lives were the only ones we could have.” It’s like the way straight dudes like great athletes but really adore athletes who screw up their lives with their self-destructive tendencies. In other words, if we were decent people who didn’t fear our wives, we would be rallying around Tiger Woods.