How’d These 2 Dads Wind Up With a Daughter? Because Her Mother Specifically Wanted Gays to Adopt Her
When Rugburn (yes, a nickname) found herself out of a job and newly divorced, she also found herself pregnant. And while she believes in a woman’s right to choose, the choice she made was to carry her daughter to term. She also chose to give it up for adoption, but wanted her child to end up in a loving family that agreed with her “lifestyle.” Which is why she chose a couple of gays.
Patrick and Paul are the proud parents of her daughter — and they even welcomed a new addition to the family, son Paxton.
Rugburn, who works every year at Burning Man and sells her crafts online, opted for an open adoption, selecting her daughter’s new parents from a “list of hundreds of parents-to-be who share my beliefs, my lifestyle, and most of all, would treat my baby like I wished I could.”
Which is how she found Patrick and Paul, who have “been together for years, and,” she writes, “I’m pretty sure they will be for years and years to come. Patrick specialized in teen social work, and Paul is a first grade teacher. They love animals, being green, and life itself. It’s clear that this was the obvious choice. And I’m proud to say, I haven’t regretted it once. And earlier this year, they welcomed a new edition to the family, Paxton.”
Any regrets? Nah. “I gave my daughter the best life I could, and unfortunately, I knew that wasn’t with me. It has given me strength in myself to know when to let go and that it isn’t all about me. And one day (if not already), she’ll realize what a wonderful life she has. She has three dads and a mom, and the extended family from that is infinite!”
That’s sweet. I’m glad they adopted, but I can’t help but feel a bit bitter (is that the word for this feeling of inadequacy?) that they adopted a newborn white child and not a ward of the state.
@Phil: Dear Phil. I’ll assume that you weren’t adopted and have no idea of what that experience is like.
Regardless of race or status of the birthparents . .Now your’re saying that it’s only appropriate when the gays adopt state wards?
Just a reminder from those of us who are adoptees from many situations and many families, and those of us who are adoptive parents of those “ward of the state”.
Phil . .Dude that was offensive and clueless.
@Phil, You miss the point of the story. The woman DECIDED to let two men adopt her daughter. It looks as though she wasn’t an infant when she was adopted. It’s easier on a child to go through a private open adoption than a “system” adoption. Foster care, system failure, if you’re not under three it’s difficult to adopt you out.
@Phil:
Yeah, concur everything that has been said.
WTF?
This is actually a really cool story!
(Obligatory reversion to [stereo]type:)
Say – them dads are CWUTE!
Queerty, thanks for showcasing open adoption! My husband and I are in the process of adopting and so far it’s been a great experience. For people who can afford it (it’s expensive, though not as expensive as surrogacy) it’s a great way to build a family. Our social workers say that attitudes have changed and lots of birth mothers have no concerns with placing their babies with gay couples.
As some of the commenters have observed, adopting from foster care is a noble thing to do, but if you want to adopt an infant open adoption is really the only way to do it.
So adorable.
the right to choose gay to raise your child is an awesome one..
Awww…that’s fantastic news! See, this is what I like to hear!
Those two dads certainly are cute. Kudos to the woman who gave her baby to them and good luck to the two dads and their growing family! :)
Any time a child is adopted is a cause for celebration.
As the product of foster care and a proud adoptee (my folks adopted a handful of us) all I do is to say thank you to the birth-mom and congrats to to the proud dads.
I have adoptee friends raised by single moms or dads, and as long as you’re loved, wanted, cared for, we’re all good.
Mazel tov!
Everyone involved in this adoption is a class act. Bravo!
Why is she doing this? How dare she let 2 homosexuals with their evil lifestyle ‘recruit’ her children, this is outrageous :P
No mention of the birth-dad… I assume he’s the other half of the marriage that ended, but it would have been interesting to know his thoughts about it.
Frankly, I’m surprised MORE parents considering adoption haven’t ‘clued-in’ to the benefits of the ‘gay’…
Your kid will eat better, have a larger view of the world & the parents are more likely to welcome a birth-parent in an extended family. Helloooo…… :)
Maybe it’s just me, but I just don’t get the desire of some gay people (particularly men) to want children. By not having kids, my partner and I have been able to have the freedom to travel, stay out late and come and go as we please, not to mention having more disposable income. We do not now, or never have felt unfulfilled. The world is over-populated enough. I always felt that being gay was Mother Nature’s birth control, until the recent need to gay breed. I know a number of straight couples who envy us for not having kids. I am not condemning anyone’s choice and wish these men and all other gay parents the best. I am just curious about some people’s needs to have children or feel that their life is not complete. I’m sure I will get some comments about this.
@Bob: We’re the same as straight people. Some heterosexuals want children, some don’t. Some gays and lesbian want kids, some don’t. Just because we’re gay and can’t biologically have kids with our partners doesn’t mean that we would automatically not want kids.
And, I mean, I bet there might be a few more straights without children if it weren’t for for unprotected sex.