While promoting Magic Mike, Matt Bomer chatted with E!’s Marc Malkin about how his unofficial official coming out has affected his career.
“What we really have to do is stop the adjective before the job title—whether it’s ‘black actor,’ ‘gay actor’ or ‘anything actor,'” says Bomer. “Everybody thinks that equality comes from identifying people, and that’s not where equality comes from. Equality comes from treating everybody the same regardless of who they are. I hope the media catches on to that because it’s time to move out of 1992.”
Until February, when Bomer acknowledged his partner, Simon Halls, and their three children while accepting the Desert AIDS Project’s Steve Chase Humanitarian Award, his sexuality was the subject of much debate.
“I’d really especially like to thank my beautiful family: Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry,” Bomer said at the Palm Springs gala. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is. You will always be my proudest accomplishment.”
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That’s not exactly a “Yep, I’m Gay” announcement—and it was at a private event just captured on someone’s cell-phone.
Till recently, Bomer used the standard “my private life is private” stance that many closeted celebrities maintain before eventually coming out. “I never really endeavored to hide anything,” he says, “But there were times I chose not to relegate my history to the back page of a magazine, which to me is sort of akin to putting your biography on a bathroom wall.”
But just a moment later, Bomer underscored the importance of celebrities being open and honest about their sexuality: “I had somebody from the military approach me a few weeks ago just saying how this helps people, affects people,” he said. “It brought me to tears.”
So sharing your personal life is like scrawling your name above a glory hole—until it helps save someone’s life?
Did we mention Bomer’s husband is a superstar publicist? Maybe that’s where he learned to talk out of both sides of his mouth.
Jack
Oh queerty, of all your lame Bomer postings, this has to take the cake. You can’t even support matt when he’s out. First of all, I don’t blame Bomer for not wanting to come out on the back page of Details. And until there is equality, it’s going to be harder for actors to be gay, so I applaud him for being open about it.
He spends a good deal of his time supporting GLSEN, the Trevor project, and other charities- you know, productive charities that actually make a difference in lgbtq lives- unlike queerty.
I’m sure he’s not too worried about a fourth rate blog like this- as an openly gay man, he’s part of a huge hit movie. So while he’s breaking down walls, you’re left here to sit and whine about it. Count me out as anyone who will ever read this site again. Go pick on some one in the closet.
SG
Seriously, Queerty, go f*ck yourselves. Of course Matt doesn’t want to be defined by his sexual orientation, just as Denzel Washington doesn’t want to be defined by being black. You’re twisting Matt’s meaning here, and it *should* be beneath you, but apparently isn’t. What disgraceful bullying your whole anti-Bomer campaign is. Then again, I’m sure just writing another ‘controversial’ article about him will get you the hits you evidently so desperately crave. Pathetic.
Chris
This vendetta that Queerty has against Matt Bomer has got to end, you are making yourselves look even sillier and more unprofessional than usual. You have the nerve to ask people to vote for you as a legitimate small business? Do you really believe that obvious negative campaigns against popular actors is what Chase and Gaycities is looking for in an investment?
Goofy
It’s one thing to talk about being gay while talking about personal life. Sticking any kind of labels to people in every single work related article is totally different and annoying. Matt is doing a lot for the gay community and its image by simply being himself. This whining from queerty is really petty.
A
Meanwhile the original video of the speech was a phone recorded one, a good official version is on the awards youtube page (http://youtu.be/-VZJQoxpe6Y) and they said even before the awards happened that they would post the clips. So it’s no a “damn somebody recorded me so I have to come out”… -.-”
And other than that, I lost hope you’ll grown up one day…
Pedro
Why does Queerty want to destroy this man? Did he refuse one of you guys a blowjob or something? For God’s sake leave the man in peace! Even if you despise him, please remember he has young children.
SG
BTW, the fact that you also apparently don’t ‘get’ that Matt’s thanking of his husband and children at this public event – which they knew would be filmed and then (inevitably) quickly circulated around the web by Bomer’s significant army of fans – was part of his carefully planned coming out strategy (which had been going on for some time before this), makes you look clueless and stupid, as well as petty and spiteful.
LENGuin
Sounds like this guy has his head screwed on, he is viewing acting as artwork rather than indulging the celebrity culture and gossip mill. He has also got some perspective on how important it is to be true to who you are whilst showing integrity, hence his anecdote with the military solider.
Brian~
Why so obsessed with Matt Bomer? Seriously, find a new low, Queerty!
Cory
Jesus, this guy has the most deranged fan-girls…the way they swamp every commentariate so quickly with their rewritings of history is scary
Tim Simkowisz
Queerty is so humiliated by being on e wrong side of history where Bomer is concerned you would think they would try to correct it now but somehow Queerty is just out of touch and doesn’t get it. His quotes on not labeling people are spot on and he actually gave us the new perfect coming out prototype a professional class act would use. Hopefully gone are the desperate People magazine covers peddling surrogate children blaring “I’m gay” like it’s some kind of abnormality or hurdle to overcome.
What really bothers Queerty is that Matt is now the best gay role model and the very first openly gay sex symbol. For him to have millions of adoring female fans and straight male fans who do not care about his orientation is a significant step for all of us.
Wake up Queerty, you look like tools when you do is!
Making up stuff is fun!
Jesus, the man is damned if he does, damned if he doesn’t.
Julie
I don’t see anywhere where Matt Bomer has ever said that he’s gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). But until Matt says it with his own mouth, I will not believe a word of it! I have very good gaydar and I just doesn’t ping when I watch Matt on Bluecolor. I just don’t believe all these innuendos about Matt, not every super goodlooking person is gay! Sorry!
Cam
Ugh, the little Bomer fangirls are nauseating. I get it, I really do, you like him and are a fan. That is great. however, please stop lying, rewriting history etc…
You all claimed for years that he was out. Then when he came out you claimed that he really came out in a big way…and now you’re saying it doesn’t matter etc…
The fact is, his quote shows me he still buys into the self hating Hollywood system.
““What we really have to do is stop the adjective before the job title—whether it’s ‘black actor,’ ‘gay actor’ or ‘anything actor,’” says Bomer. “Everybody thinks that equality comes from identifying people, and that’s not where equality comes from”
__________
No Matt, actually the equality you are talking about comes AFTER people come out and stop hiding and being ashamed of who they are. You have now done that, so please do not start trying to ingratiate yourself to the bigots in Hollywood and their attitude.
I just saw Magic Mike, and the comment all of the “Gays” in the group had was that Bomer comes off as non-sexual. VERY handsome, but he doesn’t give off sexiness, and we could be wrong, but we chalked it up to years of being in the closet as an actor and stunting his chemistry.
I think it’s great that he is finally out and hope he has great success, but his fans need to take a sedative and he needs to stop using Sean Hayes as a role model in how to behave after you come out.
Cam
@Julie: said…
“I don’t see anywhere where Matt Bomer has ever said that he’s gay (not that there is anything wrong with that). But until Matt says it with his own mouth, I will not believe a word of it! I have very good gaydar and I just doesn’t ping when I watch Matt on Bluecolor. I just don’t believe all these innuendos about Matt, not every super goodlooking person is gay! Sorry!”
__________________
Another example of the nuttiness of his fans.
Sweetie, he and his male partner live together and have legal custody over their children. You may want to get back to the home before they send out a search party.
Reason
You know the funny thing ,Is that now i wish Bomer didnt come out publicly so that he will keep stupid media folks like you pressed
Spike
Another day, another Magic Mike Queerty posting, it’s like giving a guy a bj, first telling him that you don’t swallow, and just at the point of shooting, he clamps down on the back of your head and goes for it and you have no choice, swallow or choke to death. Can’t wait for the next post that touts the 60 million opening weekend box office! Well maybe 40 million, 20 million?
Mark
You’re asking people to vote for you to be more “queerty” but frankly, you don’t deserve it. Matt Bomer is absolutely correct – you really need to grow up. Being out is a good thing but defining one’s self by the adjective as gay is not. Being gay is only one part of who Matt is and who any of us are. It does NOT define me or any gay man, or straight man. Sheesh queerty, you really are a piece of work and one I think I’ll probably stop reading.
Belize
@Julie: “I have very good gaydar and I just doesn’t ping when I watch Matt on Bluecolor.”
LOL. I’m pretty sure that this is what being an actor is supposed to be about.
I’d tell you that you should have your gaydar check, but I think your brain should get more attention first.
w.e.
You disgusting bag of scum! Queerty has hounded Matt for years because he didn’t say and do everything just the way you wanted. Now, you have the audacity to twist his words around to try and make more trouble for him. God, how I hate and revile you!
Belize
@LENGuin: Am I correct in to thinking you would want Queerty to see it like that. This website always goes for what they think is the popular opinion of the gay community. Of course they’re going for the simple-minded “he should be loud and proud” mentality. What they fail to see is that there is a slow shift wherein coming out in a loud way is slowly being viewed as cheap and crowd pandering.
timncguy
@Cam: It’s very easy for people like Julie to ontinue to claim Matt isn’t really gay. Just look at what everyone claims is his “coming out” statement here:
“I’d really especially like to thank my beautiful family: Simon, Kit, Walker, Henry,” Bomer said at the Palm Springs gala. Thank you for teaching me what unconditional love is. You will always be my proudest accomplishment.”
He doesn’t thank his “husband” or “partner” or “children”. He doesn’t use the word “gay”. He just thanks his “family” and gives a list of 4 names. Those 4 names could have been anyone. It could be his two brothers and the family dog and cat for all we knew at the time.
Belize
@Cam: “No Matt, actually the equality you are talking about comes AFTER people come out and stop hiding and being ashamed of who they are. You have now done that, so please do not start trying to ingratiate yourself to the bigots in Hollywood and their attitude.”
LOL. At this point in history, to “ingratiate” yourself to the public is to call a press conference just to tell people you like dick.
Belize
“But there were times I chose not to relegate my history to the back page of a magazine, which to me is sort of akin to putting your biography on a bathroom wall.”
But just a moment later, Bomer underscored the importance of celebrities being open and honest about their sexuality: “I had somebody from the military approach me a few weeks ago just saying how this helps people, affects people,” he said. “It brought me to tears.”
So basically, people cannot have a change of heart without being called a hypocrite. Great, Queerty. Your intelligence amazes me.
Chris
@timncguy: This is classic, you criticize that he didn’t use husband or children to describe, and that they could be anyone. Then you quote him as thanking his “family” …so someone, so where appointed you the guardian of the English language and how people of any sexuality define their relationships. How many talk shows and interviews has Mr. Bomer referred to his children? if you are going to say stupid, unsubstantiated things, at least do a little research first,
The fact Is that Queerty, for some reason, looks for reasons to attack Matt Bomer, they parse his language with more care than they give to their own proof reading process. They analyze each word looking for things to criticize. What they may be coming to realize is that, regardless of one’s opinion of Mr. Bomer, Queerty’s strange obsession with sneaking snide comments into every story that mentions him has become apparent to even casual observers of the situation.
Now Queerty is on a campaign to get a cash infusion intended for an lgbt small business. They’re emailing and asking for votes,. I say that before we throw support behind them, hat we actually get some decent reporting, proof reading, and dare I say it….some stories without Queerty’s strange agenda. Because to anyone watching this site devolve, they don’t deserve it.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
“Everybody thinks that equality comes from identifying people, and that’s not where equality comes from.
What a shithead. I’m sure in Matt’s world, all gay people should remain in the closet, never declare their sexuality and hope that hets treat us decently.
It’s because of the “gay actors” that people like this douchebag can exist. Just another rich white man trashing all those who came before him.
Gigi
If they’re closeted and marry a beard, you’re not happy.
If they’re openly gay but choose not to talk about their private lives in public, you’re not happy.
The sad reality is that, even in 2012, there are groups like NOM and the FRC and countless others who make it their business to boycott stores and restaurants and television shows that support the GLBT community. Can you blame a person for not wanting to blast his gayness all over the airwaves? While it’s true that things are MUCH DIFFERENT from when I was a kid (I live in Canada, where gay marriage has been the law of the land since 2005), the virulent anti-gay KKKristians are lashing out at us with more hate and with greater frequency than ever before. Cut the guy some slack. He’s just trying to protect him family.
PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID
the “black” actor comparison is bogus: external characteristics like race are manifestly obvious and need not be stated — unlike sexual orientation where if you don’t put your hand up and be counted we just vanish; and choosing to remain silent materially harms us and is a tacit or implicit acknowledgement of our inferior status. we need to be numerous enough in order to be better depicted in our diversity; then, and only then, will the stereotype be broken.
as long as “black actors” are not saddled with only “black roles”, and “gay actors” are not forced to always play “gay roles”, then i don’t see a problem with a label, at least in the short term. but even if for the present your forced to play gay, think of how many different directions in which you could take that character. it’s infinite. you could be that change you want to see, by redefining what it means to be gay and erasing the stereo types that restrict your casting opportunities.
no, it’s not fair that you gay actors have this extra burden to represent; but then it’s also not fair we’re born into a a world of prejudice and hate. you get a shot at influencing the culture, changing hearts and minds and helping tear down the distortions and lies that are said about us. and your not digging for coltan down a mine.
Ts hubby
Poor Queerty, so obviously frustrated that regarless of its years of negative postings, Matt is becoming a big star and is loved by millions both gay and straight. Really must kill them that he is now a role model too, LOL.
@Cam: I too just saw MM, and Matt is sex on a stick just like he is in White Collar, that no doubt is why he was cast in MM and after the first disasterous trailer, they moved Matt to front and center in all of the marketing due to web outcry – smart move Warner Brothers, Matt is filling movie seats. Imagine that, an out and proud gay actor being promoted as a sex symbol, what a first, score one for the gay cause! I realize the definition of sexy to eldergays is that faux-masculine bear type that really isn’t masculine or sexy at all, but Matt’s athletic form is quite sexy, at least most think so. Sad that you think a gay man cannot be sexy to straight women.
Great news is Matt just signed to be the lead in another movie prior to The Normal Heart, four movies in 1.5 years plus his hit series. My god, Queerty’s head will really explode when Matt’s nominations come in for TNH! Will be fun to watch in!
Cannot keep this talented, classy guy down no matter how hard you try. The trick is to not look so foolish doing it Queerty!
For the record demographically speaking, I am not a ‘fangirl’ that the elders usually prounounce anyone who disagrees with them. Happily married gay man living out and proud in a tier one city.
Julie
@Cam: There is no need to insult me or question my sanity. I simply stated the fact that Matt Bomer has never stated that he was gay and until he does, I will not believe it. I am not homophobic or hateful in anyway. But it seems that every goodlooking guy in Hollywood has a whisper campaign insisting that he is gay and it’s getting old. If however, Matt is gay and has a family that he loves then God Bless him, I will still enjoy his acting.
Gigi
@Julie: Keep your head in the sand Jules. FYI, Cruise and Travolta are gay too. Oh, and Ricky Martin too!
CJ
Matt Bomer is an actor by profession – and a damn fine one too. He happens to be gay. Fortunately for all of us, he shares his professional talent with the world; he’s under no obligation whatsoever to share his private life with anyone outside of his inner circle. Of course, if you bother to look, he’s talked about Simon quite a bit recently, between Magic Mike press and Father’s Day interviews, and in ways that make it quite clear Simon is not the family dog. So let’s move on, queerty. Honestly, all of the Bomer hate just makes you look petty and distracts from the good this site could be doing.
UsualPlayers
Once someone comes out, he’s right.
I am not a Bomer fan girl
I am someone who criticized him for not coming out
But once out, their career as actors should not be defined by their sexual orientation
Not sure why that’s a controversial view on a gay site that is supposedly interested in gay equality
If you, then why are you endorsing the opposite view by arguing that an actor should be seen as the gay actor rather than as an actor who happens to be gay?
Chris
@Julie:
http://www.nydailynews.com/entertainment/gossip/matt-bomer-coming-hollywood-i-hid-fact-gay-article-1.1102828
Can we be done with the “he never said gay” delusion?
There it is…an interview in print.
Chris
Queerty has simpy decided to focus on one line of that article, rather than the article in its entirey. And Julie, that’s not a whisper campaign, lol
Analog
What he says in that interview seems very positive, to me.
And a great example.
I’m not a fangirl, btw – I only actually heard of him through this blog
and I’ve seen any of his films or interviews (tv or print).
He is quite beautiful, though. 🙂
I look forward to seeing some of his films one day; though probably
not Magic Mike.
UsualPlayers
Yeah I hear magic mike sucks but hen it got a good review in the times so who knows
M
@Chris
Dear, don`t bother trying to explain July the obvious. She thinks she watches Matt on Bluecolor… Bluecolor???? She can`t find her ass with a map.
darkorient
I’m not a fan of either Matt Bomer or Magic Mike, but what’s with the hate? He’s out and he’s inspiring other gays. This fact alone is a big thing and we should support more actors to do just what he did.
Isis
@ Julie “I have very good gaydar and I just doesn’t ping when I watch Matt on Bluecolor”
I’d give a D- for the fake fan comment. Honey, his show is “White Collar” not “Bluecolor”. Next time you’re trying to troll a comment section with some stupid remark, at least try to have some basic facts right, this lack of dedication is insulting for all of us, even on some very-low level gossip website like Queerty.
Baba Booey
Well, then fuck Matt Bomer and fuck this supid movie. I won’t be seeing it or anything Bomer is in.
SG
Good Lord! Isn’t it plain as day that “Julie” is a troll playin’ with y’all, not a real Bomer fangirl? Man, some of you are gullible.
James
WTF queerty Bomer is out and has been for awhile!
Analog
^ As I say, I don’t know much about him, but from what I read on here and following
the various linked articles over the months, it seems this is the only interview
where he’s actually admitted being gay.
Are there others prior to this?
The speech he made at whatever award ceremony it was thanked a list of people, of
which his partner was one – but the fact he was his partner wasn’t mentioned.
In fact, that time Jodie Foster thanked her long-term lover was far more open in
its affection aimed directly at one person than Bomer’s was… and no one would seriously claim Foster is out of the closet.
This interview seems to be his proper coming out.
Unless, as I say, there have been others?
Gene in L.A.
@Queerty. I don’t know who you are, but your judgmentalism is sickening. For most of the article I was enjoying the story of a man who is comfortable with himself and doesn’t feel he has to fit anyone else’s ideas of what is right or wrong, neither homophobes nor gay people. Then I got to the end and your last two sentences were like fists in my stomach. Who the hell do you think you are to talk that way about someone? I will not only not vote for you for anything, I’m unliking you on Facebook. You and your snotty little mind can go to hell.
LENGuin
@Belize:
I think the way Matt came out was rather nicely done and seemed to suit his mantra of ‘my private life is private’. He can be proud of who he is (which he demonstrated via his love for his family). I say good on him for it 🙂 didn’t Jodie Foster do the same when accepting an award?
Red Assault
What the fuck happened to queerty? It used to be cool, well-written and fun.
Now it’s crass, rude, juvenile and reads like TheSword. Filled with bitter, vaguely homophobic and poorly-written hatchet pieces. Honestly, what happened?
Matthew Rettenmund
The important thing is that he is out. We can disagree about what it means to a person or to their fans to be out, etc., but he is out and he should be supported for that. BTW, the movie is pretty great.
Love Boy Culture
@Matthew Rettenmund: Completely agree and thinking like that is why Boy Culture puts this train wreck site to shame every day of the week! Boy Culture Rocks, love it daily!
Jen
Wow, so glad that “Magic Mike” was a hit this weekend so you could post this article (the awards show that started this circus was back in FEBRUARY, was it not?) and attract the type of audience you seem to crave. Doesn’t matter if it’s news-worthy or not, eh? Nice reporting.
BryanC
I don’t think Matt is doing anything wrong by not wanting to be called a “gay actor”. He is an actor, period. He happens to be gay.
MikeE
HEADLINE! “Queerty is still not a gay NEWS website”
Analog
@BryanC: It’s almost always the homophobic press who use those kinds of descriptions, though. Like all tabloids are currently referring to Amber Heard as “bisexual actress Amber Heard” in reports of her alleged affair with Johnny Depp (who’s never described as “straight actor Johnny Depp”, of course).
The problem isn’t gay actors being described as that, it’s that the current Hollywood climate takes such descriptors to be a bad thing (and are less likely to cast a gay actor if they’re constantly described as such; ie. they’d rather the gay actor’s sexuality was not mentioned at all – they (Hollywood execs) prefer the closet for this reason, of course.
And if they can’t keep them in the closet, then for god sake never describe yourself as a gay actor.
The ideal future would be where we can often and openly describe gay actors’ sexuality in articles and it won’t make any difference to their careers or the choice of roles they get.
My personal view is that this idea some put forward about “just happening to be gay” is a bit of a dead-end – do we apply this to every single attribute which makes us who we are?
Physical attributes, character type, personal tastes and interests, sexuality, etc? In one sense, all of these things are “accidents” of birth – but if none of these things are what you or I or Matt Bomer are, then what are we in the end?
I think we are all those things. I’m not a man who just happens to be gay – I’m a gay man.
This isn’t an anti-Matt Bomer post btw, before I get mauled – i just disagree with that “I just happen to be gay” thing that so many trot out.
Nat
@Red Assault:
“What the fuck happened to queerty? It used to be cool, well-written and fun.”
… what Queerty have you been reading?
Making up stuff is fun!
@Nat: I started checking out Queerty when a certain D. Villareal wrote most of the posts; as much of a hack (love you, boo!) as I think Dan Avery is, he’s definitely an huge improvement.
Geoff
@Spike:
Actually, this is a Matt Bomer posting. But since you mentioned it, Magic Mike made 19.4 million on Friday. Perhaps you would care to revise your estimates or shall I continue to defrost the crow?
Alexa
Who is Matt Bomer anyway? I only ever hear about him here.
Chris
@Alexa: Yes you live such sheltered life that you haven’t touched a newspaper, magazine, or watched television in the last three weeks, during which you can’t breathe without seeing promo for this movie. One thing no one will ever accuse these guys of is a subtle marketing campaign.
Steve
Queerty, you are a loser, but more importantly you have just lost a daily reader. I hope your advertisers and readers follow my exit..
Chris
@Geoff: Well now it is up to projections of $43 for the weekend, but t could still increase. Still I believe the @spike s of Queerty will try to spin any number into a fail.
Making up stuff is fun!
@Steve: Of course they will. No advertiser wants to lose the crucial Steve demographic.
Chris
@Analog: I think that’s different. I mean Ian McClellan refers to himself as a gay man, but as an “actor”, Morgan freeman is a black man, but an actor, not a black actor. My neighbor is a gay man and a doctor, but he isn’t a “gay doctor”
Jimmy
If you want to stop Queerty’s vendetta against Bomer, stop reading this trashy site.
Geoff
@Chris:
19.4 million on Friday, before the matinee’s on sat and sun. I did the math. That’s a possible 100 million. I’m not predicting it, but neither would I be surprised. What say you, Spike?
DouggSeven
I still don’t get the importance of an actor being out or being pressured to by the so-called media. He doesn’t make any laws, or make a judgement on anyone. Change happens when it’s within your families and friends who are not gay and your dealings with them as a gay person. Not some idiot actor who barely finished high school and who’s only talent or skill in life is playing make believe in front of a camera. God, they don’t even write the lines yet they get all the praise. America (and the world) really needs to rethink this celebrity obsession. The real heroes in your life are your teachers and parents – not some dolt who has no impact on your life whatsoever.
UsualPlayers
@Analog: From an acting stand point, yes, the goal is not to have the physical attribute define what an actor can do.
Women actor indeed say it all the time. African American actors too. They don’t want their race to define their choice of roles. There was a time that they said that Blacks could not play sci fi movies (it was only in the 80s and 90s that this started to change).
So its not a crazy idea. It matters socially to us. BUt to the career of an actor and frankly in terms of equality we don’t want the trait to become central. The point of being out is not that it takes over. Its that it becomes normalized as a non issue. Someone can be a big star and be gay, and have it not be this drama.
We aren’t at that day yet. And Bomer until this year was not helping us get to that day, but his point about the important of not limiting actors is well taken.
I don’t want straight actors to be limited to straight roles,a nd I don’t want gay actors to be limited to gay ones. I want their orientation to be a non issue, but to get tot hat point it must be normalized as such.
Geoff
@DouggSeven:
Whereas I agree with some of what you wrote, Matt Bomer is a college graduate. As was the 40th President of the United States who was also an actor/dolt who read someone else’s lines.
DouggSeven
@Geoff: Sorry, I was spaking more about actors in general in not this Bomer person I know little about.
MoJo
BTW, Regarding “Voting for Queerty”, since the Comments have been DISABLED! I’ll Totally vote for ya guys. But there’s 1 catch! You’ve got to give us a “View All” button for the string of pix you post!
http://www.queerty.com/vote-help-queerty-bring-you-even-more-queerty-2-20120629/#comments
Analog
@Chris: My neighbor is a gay man and a doctor, but he isn’t a ‘gay doctor'”
I agree and it’s purely semantics, I guess – but I think it’s true to say that if he is a gay man then he is a gay doctor: my point is that describing him as a gay doctor doesn’t mean he’s a different kind of a doctor to any other doctor, but describing him as a gay doctor is still an accurate description and shouldn’t make a difference to any of his patients in an enlightened society. We’re referring to him as “him” because he’s a man – we do that unthinkingly because we naturally place no specific importance on a doctor’s gender… but we do refer to his gender because it is part of who he is. He is a man. Even though his gender makes no difference to what kind of doctor he may be, we still use that descriptor, because that’s what he is.
Again it’s just semantics, but the ideal to me is a society where we refer to people’s (homo)sexuality with the some unthinking or non-judgmental attitude as we do to their gender.
I know I’m stretching the point and I completely understand an out gay actor’s anxiety about being defined by their sexuality.
I think what Matt Bomer says in that interview is great, by the way. He’s a great example, in my opinion… and I can see the possible flaws in my points above – maybe Bomer’s point is absolutely the way forward, I don’t know.
I just sometimes feel that everything that makes each of us what we are is important and we should claim “ownership” as it were, of all our attributes (even though they are accidents of birth) – even actors (and doctors); and in an ideal society we should feel totally comfortable with any of these attributes being used to describe us (for they are what makes us what we are).
Maybe. I don’t know, really. 🙂
Analog
I just wanted to add that my initial reaction is due to my dislike of whenever I read or hear someone saying “I’m not a gay [whatever it is] I’m just a [whatever] who happens to bee gay”, because it’s almost always a distancing from their sexuality; almost a disowning of it. At least, that’s how it often seems to me.
I do however think an actor is in a unique position in this respect. I suppose the ideal for an actor of any kind is to be a blank canvas in the eyes of the public, to kind of disown or distance themselves in public from any part of who they really are. That’s why many great actors don’t do many interviews, I think and we don’t know much about them.
So, again, I’m not criticising Matt here, it’s just that phrase that’s always bugged me.
dee-dee
While i totally disagree, i love how unapologetically bitchy this post is.
Analog
@UsualPlayers: Agreed.
Robert in NYC
Julie dear, how many straight men do you know who live together raising children? Do you really think people would believe they’re straight? Matt thanked the public for his recent award including his partner. How much clearer does it get? By that admission he’s outed himself. One doesn’t have to say the “gay” word to impart that either, it’s not rocket science. Matt doesn’t believe in labels which mean nothing anyway.
kenny
Bomer is gay???!!!!
really???
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@Analog:
I just wanted to add that my initial reaction is due to my dislike of whenever I read or hear someone saying “I’m not a gay [whatever it is] I’m just a [whatever] who happens to bee gay”, because it’s almost always a distancing from their sexuality; almost a disowning of it.
I think it’s more distancing themselves from the gay community. It’s like they’re saying, “I’m gay, but I’m not like those gays. as if they are somehow better than us. You find this personality trait more often among gays who spend most of their time around hets.
mason
losers on this site need to grow a life….
UsualPlayers
@Mr. Enemabag Jones: You state a possible interpretation but thats not the only one
I am gay. comfortable being around other gay men and women (an trans for that matter or anyone queer like me), but I don’t want to be defined by my sexuality in my career and other aspects of my life because I consider the gay part to be normal and not a big deal even if others don’t agree with me. I realize that societal forces make that hard to do so I fight for equality by not allowing people to closet me etc but at the same time there is this balancing act of not allowing my orientation to define what people think I can do
I am not doing that minimize the importance of being gay. So there’s that possibility I realize too.
MMDD
Matt makes some very valid points (albeit very Hollywood-trendy), BUT…it does strike me as odd that so many allegedly gay MALE celebrities seem to go out of their way not to verbalize the words “Yes, I’m gay” but do say things like “Oh, I never really hid anything about who I am” or “Oh, I’ve always been out in my private life,” even though they are public figures; yet we have out and proud FEMALE celebrities like Ellen who affirmatively and proudly proclaim “I’m gay” to cheers and applauds. Nobody thinks of her as “gay Ellen,” just “Ellen.” Because she’s put it out there–and continues to put it out there with no shame whatsoever–the “gay” label has lost its stigma. It’s basically a non-issue for most people and secondary to who she is as a human being.
I’ve said it before and I’ll continue to say it till it finally comes to light: We need a GAY MALE version of Ellen out there. Only then will things genuinely change in Hollywood for gay male actors. Until that happens, the stigma will remain.
Chris
The “I’m not a gay man, I’m just a man who happens to be gay” perspective is the most pedantic garbage I have ever heard in my life. I also love how it tends to come from guys who usually describe themselves as “straight acting”, because honestly I can’t think of a mentality that is more indicative of a screaming queen.
Red Assault
@Chris: Yeah that “I’m a man who happens to be gay” thing used to bug the shit out of me until the idea (flogged mega-hard by Queerty) that “gay” means “effeminate and tacky” I started to use it too.
Queerty has had so many of those “the gayest____” which end up just being a list of men wearing fishnets and lipstick while doing things or things like look like they belong to Zsa Zsa Gabor.
Some men are just regular guys and don’t really appreciate being told that “gay” means “covered in glitter and FABULOUS!!!”
MMDD
@Chris: Sorry, Chris, but regardless of the title of the article, nowhere is there a direct quote where Matt uses the word “gay” as an adjective to describe himself. And for what it’s worth, I can’t find any other interview where he does so either. So Julie does have a point. (Besides, he could be bisexual instead of gay.)
G
@Analog: said…
“I just wanted to add that my initial reaction is due to my dislike of whenever I read or hear someone saying “I’m not a gay [whatever it is] I’m just a [whatever] who happens to bee gay”, because it’s almost always a distancing from their sexuality; almost a disowning of it.”
I don’t think he’s distancing himself from him sexuality at all.
He’s definitely acknowledged his family and spoke of them proudly. What I think he’s TRYING to convey is that it should be a non-issue.
That it shouldn’t matter if someone is gay or straight. That when it comes down to it, people are people so labels aren’t really necessary and shouldn’t be. Go him!
Simon
Of course it’s not enough! He should tattooed on his forehead word GAY. Then queerty would be happy. It’s seems somebody is just pressed and obsessed with Matt. Sad.
RomanHans
Actually, I’m with Queerty here. Why is saying you’re gay equivalent to “putting your biography on a bathroom wall”? If you tell somebody you’re straight, it’s nothing of the kind.
Making up stuff is fun!
Jesus, what a mean-spirited way of reading Bomer’s words. Did you happen to hit on him at some party only to get rejected, Mr. Edwards? Otherwise, why the bitterness?
MMDD
@RomanHans: Excellent point.
Chris
@MMDD: Yes because referring to another mans children as your kids is such a straight thing to do, come on.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@UsualPlayers:
So in other words–you’re gay when you’re around queer people, but when you’re around straight people, suddenly your sexuality isn’t important.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@MMDD:
it does strike me as odd that so many allegedly gay MALE celebrities seem to go out of their way not to verbalize the words “Yes, I’m gay”
It’s based on shame. Matt Bomer doesn’t want all the hets he hangs with to look at him as someone who sucks cock.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@MMDD:
it does strike me as odd that so many allegedly gay MALE celebrities seem to go out of their way not to verbalize the words “Yes, I’m gay”
It’s based on shame. Matt Bomer doesn’t want all the hets he hangs with to look at him as someone who has sex with a man. If he were straight, he’d never shut-up about the women he’s nailing.
Chris
@RomanHans: Actually that not what was said. Prior to his thanking Simon publicly, he had appeared on red carpets with Simon , he had taken Simons chilled to events, they appears in public, and lived their lives…just like straight people do. Straight people don’t announce their sexuality, they just live their lives. Just as Mr. Bomer did. What he was referring to was the “announcement” which is something straight people never have to do. So your point is moot.
Chris
@RomanHans: Actually that not what was said. Prior to his thanking Simon publicly, he had appeared on red carpets with Simon , he had taken Simons childrend to events, they appeared in public, and lived their lives…just like straight people do. Straight people don’t announce their sexuality, they just live their lives. Just as Mr. Bomer did. What he was referring to was the “announcement” which is something straight people never have to do. So your point is moot.
Chris
Again saying you don’t want o be referred to as a gay actor, is not the same as saying” I am a man who happens to be gay”. The amount of idiocy on this site is getting out of control. it might be time to realize that Queerty is becoming a cesspool of people just looking to attack others for no reason, and who are so discontent in their own love that they have to attack public figures who don’t do exactly what they think they should…it’s sad to watch.
Kyle215
Bomer is not out. His comments weren’t said at the Emmy’s, Oscars, Tony’s. They were said at a small event that gets no mainstream broadcast coverage. To be out is for the majority to know you are gay. Most people who know Bomer from his days on GUIDING LIGHT, his work on WHITE COLLAR and now MAGIC MIKE do not know or believe he is gay. Stop and ask fans of WHITE COLLAR. You will see that they don’t have a clue. For the people who are happy hearing him rattling off family names they believe he came out. For those who don’t want to believe he is gay they can think that “Kit” is a woman that he lives with. Until Bomer says “I’m gay” he is playing the Hollywood game.
fiz
how come everyone who finds this article lame and low automatically becomes a bomer fangirl? i find his tv show very boring and i’m not a ‘fangirl’ at all and this is the first queerty article i’ve ever read, and yet i am stunned by how mean and unsupportive this whole write-up is..
fiz
also, i don’t know where ur hate is coming from, but to all the people commenting with the word ‘bomer fangirls’ in your comments, i find it so disturbing and ugly how you simply dismiss other people’s opinions by using the word ‘fangirls’ to refer to people who are clearly gay men, automatically assuming it’s going to make them feel bad, it’s really a new low in demeaning your fellow gay men, i’ve never seen this before but u guys are very ugly indeed..
Making up stuff is fun!
@fiz: Disgusted by the unwarranted negativity of the article, confused by the knee-jerk dismissal of opposing viewpoints in the comments section, not yet desensitized to the ugly spectacle of gay men demeaning other gay men through homophobic epithets: Boy, you really *are* new to Queerty. Don’t worry, though; after you read a few more posts you’ll die a little inside, and then it won’t seem so bad.
UsualPlayers
@Mr. Enemabag Jones: Why do you need other words when I said what I meant t say?
Was what I said beyond you?
Baba Booey
@Analog: 100% Correct.
@Mr. Enemabag Jones: 1000% correct. You see so much of that. Any gay person in the media who demonstrates that loathsome attitude towards gays I will no longer support.
Baba Booey
@RomanHans: I thought the same thing. This Matt Bomer is really turning out to se a self-loathing asshole.
Baba Booey
*be
Alexa
@Chris: I’ve heard about the movie but have no desire to see it so have skipped the promos for it, and didn’t know he was in it until I read this article. Believe it or not, he’s not a household name, and I doubt most people who don’t watch the show he’s on know who he is.
Saying that, I’m happy he’s out – I’m happy when anyone comes out, or is out, however famous they are. The more people out the better, and I don’t think everyone needs to shout it from the rooftops all the time. If he’s only recently been public about being out I’m not really surprised he doesn’t want to talk much about it, that’s really quite common. When he’s more comfortable being out he will probably open up more, like many others have.
Wilson guy
Matt Bomer is the best role model we have now. Out, living in a committed relationship raising a family, inteligent, educated, talented. He raises money for several gay charities with his husband hosting events. Thankfully he does not let his orientation define him. The saddest trap a gay person can fall into is allowing orientation to define them, it helps shape us but after all gay is what we are physically, should never be who we are. Some of my friends have gone that tragic route. I get that someone that seems so perfect brings out the jealous nasty commenters who are underachievers who spend days on blogs telling others how to live their lives but he’s out and should be supported. Peace out.
Samantha
I’ve been a huge Matt Bomer fan for several years now. I am also a straight female, and am 100% sure that Matt is gay. And you know what, I don’t care! I love him for his acting, personality, and the fact that he seems like a genuinely nice person. I had heard rumors about Matt’s sexuality before he publicly acknowledged Simon and their children back in February. I was a fan before that, and still am! It’s up to Matt to decide what to share with the media and when. Queerty seems to have some sort of obsession with him, and I can’t figure out why. It’s no secret that Matt is gay, can’t you guys just move on?? Jeez!
Oh, and to Julie: his show is called WHITE COLLAR, not Blue Collar!!!
Analog
@Wilson guy: Being gay is more than just a physical attribute. It’s unfortunate you feel friends of yours who were “defined” by their sexuality went down a tragic route.
mc
All this drama. In the meantime Anderson Cooper just came out of his glass closet and said he’s Gay. Why hasn’t Queerty put this on their website yet?
Making up stuff is fun!
@mc: Don’t worry. Sometime next week they will.
Tim Simkowisz
With Bomer an out role model and now Anderson Cooper, who will the old girls here rag on? Guess there is still Latifah! Maybe focus on some real closets like Zac, Ian, Henry, etc.
Spike
What, no Queerty posting celebrating Magic Mike HUGE box office this weekend, 39.2 million, albeit it second to TED?!!? Well now that every desperate cougar and 5 gay guys have seen it, next weekends box office should drop about 98%. I read one funny comment from someone who saw the movie and wondered if there was a sign outside the theater that stated, NO MEN ALLOWED, given the demographic of the audience.
TiredoftheBS
He has Gay Face. He is gay. End of story.
MMDD
@Tim Simkowisz: Bomer is an out celebrity, not an out role model. I wish would stop using the terms like they were synonymous.
MMDD
@MMDD: Sorry, I left out the word “people.”
tti
@MMDD: However in his case they are synonymous, none better.
MMDD
@tti: I just get so tired of everybody stamping the “role model” label on just about every GLBT celebrity the moment they come out. Just because you’re well-known or a public figure does not make you a role model.
david
I honestly think that post like this are crap, Queerty needs to work like a real news agency for the gays and stop adding the snide comments. This article should not have had any of the crap you added at the end. Start fixing shit or people are going to go away soon.
jack
You guys at Queerty should stay away from those glory holes and come into the light of day and real healthy relationships. You guys wouldn’t make a good pimple on Matt Bomer’s butt.
ftlaudcarl
I am not sure how I feel about this. On one hand I love Matt, on the other hand I do think his handling of this situation has been cowardly and selfish. There ya go. I will continue to watch White Collar, but I don’t really have that much respect for Matt. As a proud homosexual I do believe it is the duty of everyone in the public eye to make their sexual orientation known. The more famous people come out the more average it will become to be a homosexual in america. As Dorothy Parker said “Heterosexuality is not normal. It’s just common.” The sooner that becomes the mindset of the moronic, bibull thumping american people the sooner we will have equal rights and Matt has not helped our cause…
Josh
We’ll take that for what it’s worth from FLL. All that’s easily said sitting in a caftan.
ftlaudcarl
@Josh: I’m not sure what your point is Josh. Are you trying to insult me or Dorothy Parker? In any case, my opinion is still the same no matter what your smart ass remarks are meant to mean…
ftlaudcarl
@Josh: And btw Josh, you superior little piss ant… You don’t even know who you are talking to so never assume that because someone lives in Ft. Lauderdale they are sitting in a caftan. You couldn’t be more far off.