START YOUR ENGINES
Season Four of RuPaul’s Drag Race is here! Thirteen queens are competing for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar and, based on the intro montage, it seems to involve… a wet T-shirt contest? Well, may the best woman win.
We open on our beloved workroom: It’s silent, not yet filled with fierceness or synthetic boobies. One by one, the girls enter and introduce themselves. The first episode is always such a whirlwind—it’s tough to keep up with everyone in and out of makeup. Let’s start here:
- Willam is a blonde, pretty boy who brags about being an “ac-tor” (she adds the extra syllable so her massive ego can fit).
- Lashauwn Beyond said she’s “the main attraction for the circus.” With her giant ring of hair and a gold, studded body suit… I wouldn’t disagree.
- Jiggly Caliente is a plus-sized queen from Queens who wins the award for Best Drag Name Inspired by a Pokémon.
- Phi Phi O’Hara is brunette pretty boy, but we didn’t learn much about him because Willam kept talking.
- Madame LaQueer is our first Puerto Rican—WILLAM NEEDS ATTENTION! JOKE! LAUGH! WILLAM! Sorry, this girl couldn’t get a word in with Willam around.
- Despite her name, Milan is from New York. She wore a zebra pantsuit, and is trying sooo hard.
- Alisa Summers? Proud of her titties.
- Dida Ritz stood out because she wore a blazer. I’m not sure if that’s a good way to stand out.
- The Princess lacks hair but makes up for it in tattoos.
- Kenya Michaels is not from Kenya; she’s from Puerto Rico and packs a lot of booty dance for such smallness.
- Chad Michaels came in looking so much like Cher that Cher sued her for copyright infringement.
- Sharon Needles wins for Best Pun Name (obvi), and described herself as “beautiful, spooky, and stupid.” I love her so much (plus, her introduction video was hysterical).
- Latrice Royale (above) is “chunky yet funky.” Done. Dying. Thank you. This is why we own televisions.