Season Four of RuPaul’s Drag Race is here! Thirteen queens are competing for the title of America’s Next Drag Superstar and, based on the intro montage, it seems to involve… a wet T-shirt contest? Well, may the best woman win.
We open on our beloved workroom: It’s silent, not yet filled with fierceness or synthetic boobies. One by one, the girls enter and introduce themselves. The first episode is always such a whirlwind—it’s tough to keep up with everyone in and out of makeup. Let’s start here:
- Willam is a blonde, pretty boy who brags about being an “ac-tor” (she adds the extra syllable so her massive ego can fit).
- Lashauwn Beyond said she’s “the main attraction for the circus.” With her giant ring of hair and a gold, studded body suit… I wouldn’t disagree.
- Jiggly Caliente is a plus-sized queen from Queens who wins the award for Best Drag Name Inspired by a Pokémon.
- Phi Phi O’Hara is brunette pretty boy, but we didn’t learn much about him because Willam kept talking.
- Madame LaQueer is our first Puerto Rican—WILLAM NEEDS ATTENTION! JOKE! LAUGH! WILLAM! Sorry, this girl couldn’t get a word in with Willam around.
- Despite her name, Milan is from New York. She wore a zebra pantsuit, and is trying sooo hard.
- Alisa Summers? Proud of her titties.
- Dida Ritz stood out because she wore a blazer. I’m not sure if that’s a good way to stand out.
- The Princess lacks hair but makes up for it in tattoos.
- Kenya Michaels is not from Kenya; she’s from Puerto Rico and packs a lot of booty dance for such smallness.
- Chad Michaels came in looking so much like Cher that Cher sued her for copyright infringement.
- Sharon Needles wins for Best Pun Name (obvi), and described herself as “beautiful, spooky, and stupid.” I love her so much (plus, her introduction video was hysterical).
- Latrice Royale (above) is “chunky yet funky.” Done. Dying. Thank you. This is why we own televisions.