A recent thread titled “Straight men of Reddit, would you have gay sex for a lightsaber?” has received a staggering 500 comments as of this post.
We’d say the rules of the game are simple, but actually they aren’t, proving yet again that straight guys think about gay sex a whole lot:
The way it works is you tell a guy to imagine that he’d get a real life lightsaber if he had gay sex. It could be with any man, dead or alive, celebrity, etc:
* If you top a guy, you get a purple lightsaber
* If you bottom, you get a lightsaber in any color of your choice
* If you try both, you get either a double ended lightsaber or two lightsabers in the color of your choice
To make it more complicated:
* If you give a guy a handjob, you get a stun baton
* If you experiment with gay BDSM, you get a lightsaber whip
* If you suck a guy’s dick, you get a blaster
* If you get your dick sucked, you just get a really good blowjob
* If you get fisted, you get a thermal detonator (Don’t waste it!)
* If you fist a guy, you get an adhesive grenade, because stickiness…
* Every time you use a condom, you get a deflector shield, because stay safe, guys!
* Intercrural sex (between the thighs) gets you a vibrosword
OK, even we didn’t know the term “intercrural sex.”
Here are some of our favorite responses:
No way! I’m not falling for that again. It has become very clear that light sabers do not really exist.
How about we take this to the next level?
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I have no shame, I’d proudly flaunt that double-ended lightsaber as I limped down the street the next day.
I’d probably slam a guy in the ass for a purple light saber. And that guy would be Leonardo DiCaprio.
Absolutely yes. I’m sure my wife would understand.
That’s a stupid question…Of course I would.
Nope. What would I do with it? Besides, I live in California. They’d find a way to ban my having it real quick.
Fuck yeah I’m gonna get on that gay bdsm. A fucking lightsaber whip? That’s awesome!
Dude, I’m not gay since I’m pretty sure I still like the ladies, but I would fuck a guy for free. Nothing wrong with a bit of schlong on the side. Gimme the kenobi sauce, baby.
So by my calculations I’ll be owed two lightsabers and two deflector shields when this is all over. I’m okay with this deal.
I’m straight and already done BDSM with a Gay male. Sorry I don’t like lightsabers, I don’t swing that way.
Xzamilio
What was this?
Jay Wettlaufer
Taylor Hawkins
Benjamin Keith Boyd
“straight”
Derek Chisholm
Ray Sanchez lol hmmmm
Ken Spragg
Hah! And thereafter, every time John drew and ignited his lightsaber, all the unarmed guys in the room shouted “gaaaaay!”
McShane
Wow, if you’re going to delete peoples comments you might as well delete this whole dumpster fire of an article. Talk about phoning it in. FUCK ME, I don’t give a sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeiiiiit about some straight guy getting finger blasted by a gay Ewok.
http://entrysite.pulitzer.org/
Glücklich
@Xzamilio:
Embarrassing is what it is.
Glücklich
Wonder how many other comments critical of this absolute garbage have been deleted so far.
Glücklich
Keep deleting it Queerty. I can have one of my desk jockies write an algorithm, too.
Lestar
eyeroll.
lightlylarge
lol this is hilarious. lighten up bishes
Ladbrook
ugh
Glücklich
E-mail just sent to [email protected] AKA “Black Hole”
Not only were my criticisms of the widely disliked Star Wars/light saber post repeatedly deleted, so have ALL of my other comments on posts throughout the site.
Believe me when I say I plan to make a big noise about this all over the site unless I’m given a plausible explanation. Unless you’d like to just delete my account entirely.
Username: Glucklich
Glücklich
Nice to see my comments have been mostly restored. If your so-called writers can’t take criticism, especially of genuinely *bad* content, they (or their interns) are clearly in the wrong line of work.
Still awaiting your reasonable explanation though if it references my first two comments including a link to an *obvious* joke book whose satirical title includes a word that starts with “sui-” and ends with “cide” and purports to be from the “For Dummies” canon, I urge you to demand a refund from your college since you weren’t taught anything about context, satire, or irony in…whatever classes one takes to post to Queerty.
I’d also encourage you to review similar comments around your site of the same tone which *aren’t* jokes and apply your moral outrage and/or T&C consistently and not strictly out of retaliation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSGXe-x-E9g
DMRX
I don’t get why everyone is so upset.
As a gay man and a Star Wars fan, this is one of the few articles that I’ve literally laughed out loud about while reading.
If you don’t get the humor, move on. No need to be rude.
Roger Honeycutt
I get a death star and thousands of storm troopers fully armed
Jaret MacWilliam
Hahahaha, a bit undeniable for most!
Giancarlo85
The idiots who replied to this question were not straight. Why this obsession? Straight men aren’t into us. Get over it, queerty…
Billy Budd
This is unbelievably silly from queerty.
Glücklich
@Giancarlo85:
@Billy Budd:
Watch out! You’ll get your comments yanked!
Bauhaus
What garbage. Queerty, you deserve every bit of criticism and censure you receive.
Charlie Ramos
LOL
Sheldon Siegel
Tequila is cheaper
darian
@McShane: Lmfao you win best commentary on this whole fucking article!
Bauhaus
@Glücklich:
Kudos!
https://youtu.be/94l5011eRLc
Glücklich
@Bauhaus:
God! Don’t want your content to be the butt of a couple of jokes? Don’t put up content that’s laughably bad!
avesraggiana
I had no idea that straight guys had any awareness of Top and Bottom.
Ben Kavanagh
Danny
meghanada
My god, Queerty, listen to your readers and let go of this straight obsession, ffs.
Kevin Wotipka
From what I’ve seen, if someone’s getting their comments regularly deleted, it’s usually because that someone is being an ass.
Just saying.
Clark35
Queerty you need to stop obsessing over hetero/straight guys, and silly reddit postings.
Glücklich
@Kevin Wotipka:
Comments critical of the content of this tripe, by this author. Mine were/are not the only comments deleted from the thread, all of them critical. No one was being an ass.
McShane, for example, had a comment which was also deleted, to the effect that Dan Tracer was too good to come down from “the castle” to deal with his critics. Like Queerty is some august institution embodying the art of journalism. The removal *only* of comments lambasting the drek was really over the top.
When I want to read garbage by people whose feelings are hurt by a gust of wind, I’ll stick to my hometown rag, SFGate.
Mercurical Memo
They are straight as Aaron Shock.
Ridpathos
How did they find out that gay men are stockpiling the lightsabers in preparation for the coming gay revolution?
DutchGay
All as fake as the lightsabers…. Why the ongoing fascination with straight guys ? Gays are for more interesting and real.
lykeitiz
I am surprised that out of all of the crap Queerty puts out (and Queerty puts out a LOT of crap), that this is the “article” that gets the most backlash.
LibraOracle
Actually,nobody’s really straight or gay,in fact everyone is both,it just switch to one side at puberty,I’m so lucky to be gay 😛