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Gay Ol' Party

Tah-WISTTT! Rick Perry Might Be a Big Ol’ Gay With a Millimeter Tweeter

Is Rick Perry actually a closeted homo with a meager endowment?

So sayeth Glen Maxey’s new book, inscrutably titled Head Figure Head: The Search for the Hidden Life of Rick Perry.

Maxey, the first openly gay member of the Texas State Legislature, spent the better part of his summer working with a reporter from a “national news oulet” nailing down all of Rick Perry‘s dirty secrets for this obvious best-seller.

Gawker got its hands on a copy and it sounds like the juiciest bits come from “James,” a real-estate agent who posted a Craigslist ad for sex that Perry allegedly responded to.  James says of the encounter: “It lasted about a minute. He had a little dick. It was the worst fuck of my life.”

[Maxey]  located two men who claimed to have had sex with Perry. One was a male prostitute who told associates that Perry had hired him three or four times a year for hotel parties with Perry and an aide. The other was a man who responded to a Craigslist ad allegedly posted by Perry. Along the way, there are dozens of other more tenuous second-hand reports, including one man linked to Perry who pointedly refused to deny the accusations.

It’s all very anonymous and hazy and who knows if any of it is true. But the fact that this is coming from a fairly prominent Texas political figure brings it out of the realm of pure rumor and offers an engaging little glimpse into how your news sausage is made (or in this case, not made).

Even given his political cred, Maxey’s been out of politics since 2003—and this big-time reporter of his is unnamed. So the veracity of this claim is indeed questionable.

That doesn’t mean we’re not going to download the Kindle version on Amazon for some, um, light weekend reading. It’s only $9.99!

Photo via Gage Skidmore

By:           Evan Mulvihill
On:           Dec 16, 2011
Tagged: , , ,
  • 18 Comments
    • jason
      jason

      Ravish my apple breast with your big mouth, Ricky. I want to nestle in your perpiration-soaked arm-pit while chewing on the hairs, daaaarlink.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 12:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve
      Steve

      meh, [censored] pics or GTFO
      (I want proof, I don’t my eyes burned out by the hipocracy)

      Dec 16, 2011 at 1:33 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Joetx
      Joetx

      I take offense to the claim that this stupid twat is gay.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 1:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dvlaries
      dvlaries

      Condolence telegrams from Larry Craig and Ted Haggard in 4 … 3 … 2…

      Dec 16, 2011 at 1:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      I’ve heard the “Rick Perry is gay” rumor for a decade. I am inclined to think it is true.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 2:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ken
      Ken

      I’m sorry – no matter who he might have slept with I have to vote that Rick belongs to the other team. I refuse to allow Rick to be gay, he’s just waaay too much of an embarrassment on so many levels.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 3:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      What have we all been saying for years? The anti-gay bigots are usually closet cases, because actual straight people just don’t care that much.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 4:26 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wingfield
      wingfield

      As much as we all want this to be true it just seems like by now there would be at least oneeeeee picture to prove it unless he pays everyone off insane amounts of money heh

      Dec 16, 2011 at 5:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wingfield
      wingfield

      *Not that we really want him on our team but rather, would love to rake him over the coals for being a hypocritical self-hating douche.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 5:06 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Deborah
      Deborah

      Actually Glen has been politically active even after leaving the Texas house. He was, and I imagine still is part of Democracy for Texas and Democracy for America.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 5:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jason
      jason

      I want Rick Darling to make love to me. Being Governor of Texas puts a lot of pressure on the soul. Come to me, Ricky, and I will relieve that pressure. You can ravish my nipples. They are directly linked to the spot at the base of my testicles – I think it’s called the frenulum.

      Dec 16, 2011 at 6:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Another Joe from TX
      Another Joe from TX

      @Joetx: Dear JoeTX, when I read posts like yours, I sincerely wish this site had a Thumbs Up button. <3

      Dec 17, 2011 at 3:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve
      Steve [Different person #1 using similar name]

      Most “anti-gay” politicians do the anti-gay thing only during campaign season, when their opponents or their donors demand it. Others do it while they are in office, too. Perry is definitely of the later variety.

      With all the strenuous anti-gay politicking that Rick Perry has done over the years, I would be surprised if he were _not_ a self-hating closeted gay.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 9:10 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Steve
      Steve [Different person #1 using similar name]

      How hard would it be to find a few prostitutes to say that they had sex with (fill-in-candidates-name)? I would guess, not very.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 9:21 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam
      Cam

      @Steve: said…

      “How hard would it be to find a few prostitutes to say that they had sex with (fill-in-candidates-name)? I would guess, not very.”
      _________________

      Yeah, but funny just how often those prostitutes turn out to be telling the truth.

      Dec 17, 2011 at 11:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • declanto
      declanto

      All hypocrites should be pilloried with big signs around their necks. “I am a Big Ole Gay with a Teeny Peeny”, signed soon-to-be-ex-governor Rickie-Pickie-Poo.

      Dec 18, 2011 at 12:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • BubbasBack
      BubbasBack

      Y’all remember that recent video where Perry is acting all lady-like and at the end holds a syrup bottle? Yeap, big ol’ macho he ain’t hehe. Burp.

      Dec 18, 2011 at 2:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ragmatical
      Ragmatical

      It’s been obvious that some people hate on gays because they aren’t able to accept that they themselves are born gay, and hate themselves as well.
      But as much as the thought amuses me, this sounds like slander.
      Not to mention, would you really want this asshole on the gay team? -.-‘

      Jan 8, 2012 at 11:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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