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The 5 Best Parts About a NOM Marriage Tour Rally

No teleprompters. As far as we can tell, when Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown take the podium, they aren’t using transparent screens with their speeches typed out for them like a certain incapable president. It’s off the cuff! This proves how passionate and well rehearsed they are.

Thin crowds. Nothing gives me more anxiety than fighting and shoving my way to get a good view at an outdoor public event, but NOM took care of that problem by ensuring small attendance. That means I have at least twenty square feet of personal space to care for any babies I need to nurse.

They’re not afraid of lunatics. While they aren’t condoning the messages, it’s not like NOM is running out of town the guys who hold the lynching signs (held up by anti-equality backers) or the “we’re gonna kidnap kids” signs (which Brown says pro-equality supporters held up). Yay First Amendment!

The gays are getting together. As NOM runs around the country promoting “tolerance,” the gays are following! And what better way to meet LGBTs from across America than by becoming a roadie. Think about all the friendships, relationships, and possible future weddings that might result from this marriage tour!

It’s a boon for electronics manufacturers. Nobody shows up to one of these rallies without a digital camera, Flip cam, or an iPhone to record the good time and cheer. NOM has a number of cameras rolling at each event, and LGBT advocates are basically buying out Best Buy to stock up on memory cards. See? Gay marriage, and fighting it, is good for the economy.

By:           Sarah Nigel
On:           Jul 29, 2010
Tagged: , , , , ,
  • 10 Comments
    • PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
      PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS

      When recently informed that same sex penguins couples stay together for life, Maggot and her evil minions have announced the marriage tour rally will now be adding local zoos to its schedule…………

      [img]http://canofwhupass.typepad.com/.a/6a00d8341ccc3253ef011570bf3c51970b-300wi[/img]

      Jul 29, 2010 at 2:04 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Pip
      Pip

      I love how Maggie Gallagher is like Margaret Cho’s evil twin. If she’d only stop waxing her mustache, the country would likely reality this.

      Jul 29, 2010 at 6:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • christopher di spirito
      christopher di spirito

      Maggie Gallagher is a nasty FUPA queen.

      Jul 29, 2010 at 9:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael
      Michael

      Who’s the big bull dyke in the video?

      Jul 29, 2010 at 9:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeffree
      Jeffree

      @Ms Nigel:
      Very funny piece. Since Daniel V is on vaca, is MIA, in rehab, or working at the Atlantic Monthly, you’re now my favorite writer here.

      You forgot one essential reason to favor NOMs whistlestop tours: The local fastfood.outlets experience a 6% increase in business, because we all know that Mrs Srivistav and Mr Brown have great appetites. It takes at least 3900 calories to give a speech before a dozen people.

      Jul 30, 2010 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Sapphocrat
      Sapphocrat

      @Michael: Hey! You owe bull dykes everywhere an apology!

      In fact, I think you even owe bulls (of the mooing variety) an apology…

      Jul 30, 2010 at 3:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • James T.
      James T.

      hy aren’t gay groups and general public going to these locations and protesting this? I know if they come near my town, I’ll gather a good 10 of my friends with signs and show them the same ‘love’ they show us at our events. Imagine if every gay person did that at their events…talk about raining on someones hate parade!

      Jul 30, 2010 at 7:17 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jarvisbearcub
      jarvisbearcub

      Freedom and rights are two different things. “Conservatives” tell us that we have equal rights and we want special rights, because we want more power. But they do not acknowledge that our marriage rights do not negate theirs. They want their cultural power protected. Their rights will not be taken away.

      Jul 31, 2010 at 11:57 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • m banks
      m banks

      @James T.: they are. they have been outnumbering the NOM supporters….

      Aug 3, 2010 at 2:01 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • m banks
      m banks

      http://liberapedia.wikia.com/wiki/Maggie_Gallagher

      Aug 3, 2010 at 2:24 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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