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The 5 Best Parts About a NOM Marriage Tour Rally

No teleprompters. As far as we can tell, when Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown take the podium, they aren’t using transparent screens with their speeches typed out for them like a certain incapable president. It’s off the cuff! This proves how passionate and well rehearsed they are.

Thin crowds. Nothing gives me more anxiety than fighting and shoving my way to get a good view at an outdoor public event, but NOM took care of that problem by ensuring small attendance. That means I have at least twenty square feet of personal space to care for any babies I need to nurse.

They’re not afraid of lunatics. While they aren’t condoning the messages, it’s not like NOM is running out of town the guys who hold the lynching signs (held up by anti-equality backers) or the “we’re gonna kidnap kids” signs (which Brown says pro-equality supporters held up). Yay First Amendment!

The gays are getting together. As NOM runs around the country promoting “tolerance,” the gays are following! And what better way to meet LGBTs from across America than by becoming a roadie. Think about all the friendships, relationships, and possible future weddings that might result from this marriage tour!

It’s a boon for electronics manufacturers. Nobody shows up to one of these rallies without a digital camera, Flip cam, or an iPhone to record the good time and cheer. NOM has a number of cameras rolling at each event, and LGBT advocates are basically buying out Best Buy to stock up on memory cards. See? Gay marriage, and fighting it, is good for the economy.