free admission

The 5 Best Parts About a NOM Marriage Tour Rally

No teleprompters. As far as we can tell, when Maggie Gallagher and Brian Brown take the podium, they aren’t using transparent screens with their speeches typed out for them like a certain incapable president. It’s off the cuff! This proves how passionate and well rehearsed they are.

Thin crowds. Nothing gives me more anxiety than fighting and shoving my way to get a good view at an outdoor public event, but NOM took care of that problem by ensuring small attendance. That means I have at least twenty square feet of personal space to care for any babies I need to nurse.

They’re not afraid of lunatics. While they aren’t condoning the messages, it’s not like NOM is running out of town the guys who hold the lynching signs (held up by anti-equality backers) or the “we’re gonna kidnap kids” signs (which Brown says pro-equality supporters held up). Yay First Amendment!

The gays are getting together. As NOM runs around the country promoting “tolerance,” the gays are following! And what better way to meet LGBTs from across America than by becoming a roadie. Think about all the friendships, relationships, and possible future weddings that might result from this marriage tour!

It’s a boon for electronics manufacturers. Nobody shows up to one of these rallies without a digital camera, Flip cam, or an iPhone to record the good time and cheer. NOM has a number of cameras rolling at each event, and LGBT advocates are basically buying out Best Buy to stock up on memory cards. See? Gay marriage, and fighting it, is good for the economy.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #brianbrown #indianapolis #maggiegallagher stories and more



    When recently informed that same sex penguins couples stay together for life, Maggot and her evil minions have announced the marriage tour rally will now be adding local zoos to its schedule…………


  • Pip

    I love how Maggie Gallagher is like Margaret Cho’s evil twin. If she’d only stop waxing her mustache, the country would likely reality this.

  • Michael

    Who’s the big bull dyke in the video?

  • Jeffree

    @Ms Nigel:
    Very funny piece. Since Daniel V is on vaca, is MIA, in rehab, or working at the Atlantic Monthly, you’re now my favorite writer here.

    You forgot one essential reason to favor NOMs whistlestop tours: The local fastfood.outlets experience a 6% increase in business, because we all know that Mrs Srivistav and Mr Brown have great appetites. It takes at least 3900 calories to give a speech before a dozen people.

  • Sapphocrat

    @Michael: Hey! You owe bull dykes everywhere an apology!

    In fact, I think you even owe bulls (of the mooing variety) an apology…

  • James T.

    hy aren’t gay groups and general public going to these locations and protesting this? I know if they come near my town, I’ll gather a good 10 of my friends with signs and show them the same ‘love’ they show us at our events. Imagine if every gay person did that at their events…talk about raining on someones hate parade!

  • jarvisbearcub

    Freedom and rights are two different things. “Conservatives” tell us that we have equal rights and we want special rights, because we want more power. But they do not acknowledge that our marriage rights do not negate theirs. They want their cultural power protected. Their rights will not be taken away.

  • m banks

    @James T.: they are. they have been outnumbering the NOM supporters….

Comments are closed.