In the charmingly naive, Forrest Gump-like world of The A-List: New York, the entity known as Playgirl is a mysterious object of unknown origins. Aware that it exists as a bound, glossy product that people call a “magazine,” the A-Listers are unsure as to what posing for it entails—but Austin really, really, really wants to do it.
The show really wants this, too. In fact, very short shrift is given to the secondary storyline where Ryan half-assedly “fires” TJ for no solid reason. How could anyone fire TJ? He’s worth his paycheck in great reaction shots and nacho-rescue skills alone. You need some nachos held aloft and rushed to safety in the middle of a catfight? TJ is your main bro.
Meanwhile, cursory attention is paid is to Rodiney discussing his plans to get a restraining order against Austin, and to everybody yammering about Austin’s drinking and violence problems—as well as to the ongoing saga of Nyasha finally learning Nyasha’s new friends’ names. All to give primacy to Austin’s incredible journey to the fleshy land of Playgirl.
This pilgrimage requires many pitstops to allow everyone to take Austin aside and tell him how fat he is. It’s important to have
co-workers friends like this in your life or you might just high-gear the morbid obesity and wind up forklifted out of your home by Richard Simmons.
The A-Listers are taken by surprise when they discover that Playgirl requires much more than simple photo-wang. Unless you’re Levi Johnston, Playgirl demands boned-up photo-wang. Who would do such a thing for money? It’s gross! It’s trashy! It’s unheard of! Oh, wait, Reichen did it for free online! Well. Okay then.
At Playgirl, Austin’s told that he’ll have to be “uh-ruhct” for the test shots. Does he need a studio assistant to help get him there? No? Okay, send the studio assistant back there to help anyway. See the assistant come back out wiping his lips! See Austin return to the set with a blur where his blood-engorged Playgirl stipulation would be. Later, see Jake (Austin’s U.K. husband) argue with Austin over the word “fluff.” This is because Austin uses the word “fluff” first. Jake says something like, “How could you allow that studio assistant to fluff you?” Austin responds with, “That studio assistant didn’t fluff me.”
And then the episode is over—the definition of “fluff” hanging in the air, open to multiple interpretations, readings and deconstructions. Are you a “fluff” traditionalist? Then somebody gave Austin a blowjob. Are you post-words-having-meaning? Then Logo just edited in that studio assistant coming back from lunch at Quiznos, removing the excess sandwich fixin’s from his sated lips. Are you just wondering when Austin will physically attack Rodiney again? Rodiney is. “He putting me in dangers,” says everyone’s favorite ESL swimsuit model.
How will Nyasha cope with all the stress these new friends are dumping on Nyasha? And how many dozens of ways will none of this faze Mike Ruiz at all? Hurry up, next week’s episode. Everyone’s counting on you to answer no questions.
The A-List New York airs Mondays at 10pm on Logo.