Queerty is better as a member

Log in | Register
 

What Would Jesus Do With A Big Cock?

cartoonjesusH.jpg
We wish we could explain the internet trajectory that led us to this 1995 interview between the kids at babysue and Jesus in which Jesus shares his thoughts on homosexuality, but it’s all sort of a blur. Regardless, we thought we’d pass it along to you because we think it’s funny. If any of you have Jerry Falwell’s email address, we suggest you send it along.

Babysue: Would you forgive a person for being gay if he loved you?
Jesus Christ: I don’t forgive nobody for nothing.
BS: What did God tell you about Homosexuality?
JC: When I was only 5 years old, God greased up my carrot and held it in his hand. As he lovingly stroked my onions he told me, “Son, don’t you ever let any man do what I’m doing to you right now. Only stick your carrot into barnholes. Carrots go into barnholes. Got that? Don’t you go sticking your carrot into another man’s mouth or mystery hole…or you’ll DIE and go to HELL.”
BS: And did you believe him?
JC: I sure did! If I hadn’t believed what he told me, you can bet I would have acted on my desires long ago and jumped every man on earth.
BS: What? What did you say?!?
JC: Don’t you get it? All men are homosexuals! But God says it’s wrong, so no one is supposed to act on their true desires! That’s the basis of Christianity. You’re not supposed to do the things you really want to do. Next question.
BS: How big are you, Jesus?
JC: As you might have guessed, I have a huge carrot and I’m uncut. You can hold it if you like. No…wait. That would be wrong. Very, very wrong.

His words say “no”, but his erection says “yes”.

By:           Andrew Belonksy
On:           Jan 31, 2007
Tagged: , ,

  • 4 Comments
    • Andrew
      Andrew

      Jesus was Jewish, so he was definitely cut. Unless it grew back due to some sort of miracle.

      Jan 31, 2007 at 10:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Alex Blase
      Alex Blase

      Yeah, I’m pretty sure he was cut too. But everything else mentioned there I’d be willing to believe.

      Jan 31, 2007 at 10:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • TJ Ian
      TJ Ian

      So wrong yet so darned funny. Love this post :)

      Jan 31, 2007 at 11:15 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RSL
      RSL

      You might want to reverse the initials on the last two questions. I’m pretty sure JC doesn’t ask “next question?” then respond by asking a question to BS. Heh.

      Feb 1, 2007 at 7:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

    Add your Comment

    Please log in to add your comment

    Need an account? Register It's free and easy.



  • POPULAR ON QUEERTY

    FOLLOW US
     



    GET QUEERTY'S DAILY NEWSLETTER


    FROM AROUND THE WEB

    !-- Sailthru Horizon -->
    Copyright 2014 Queerty, Inc.
    Follow Queerty at Queerty.com, twitter.com/queerty and facebook.com/queerty.