Why Taylor Lautner’s Coming-Out Issue Of People Is Obviously Fake

We know some of you would view Taylor Lautner coming out in the January 7 issue of People magazine as a belated Christmas present, but the reality is the widely-circulated cover pictured above is a fraud.

Sorry, take a moment to steady yourself if you need.

Okay, so some of you may ask (weeping into your pillow) how do we know it a fake? There are several key reasons:

1. A People magazine rep said so—calling the cover “absolutely fake,” according to Gossip Cop. Usually if something like this has been leaked, they’d come back with a “no comment” or “we don’t discuss upcoming cover stories.”

2. People would never go with an subtle headline like “Out and Proud” They are the king of the 20-point, gigantic I’M GAY headline.

3. As Inquisitr.com points out, the sidebar on the cover is from a 2006 issue of People. Carnie Wilson hasn’t looked that good in years. Trust us.

4. Lautner has been romantically linked—in magazines like People, at least—with Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez. If he comes out now, then both starlets would look like they were in on the sham. Which would, of course, bring their other relationships into question. Not that we don’t think Justelena is totally the real deal.

5. No young American actor has ever come out of the closet while still part of a hugely successful movie franchise—especially with a promising solo career on the horizon. (Abduction was a sleeper hit, nabbing $80.2 million worldwide. That’s before the DVD release in January.) And with Breaking Dawn, Part II not hitting theaters till November 2012, we’re pretty sure the studio would move Heaven and Earth to keep Lautner from doing anything that might derail the gravy train.

Not that we’re suggesting he actually is gay, of course.