Reddit user u/MysteriousR551 planned to come out to their father over the holidays, as they wrote in a recent post ominously titled “Accidentally outed myself to homophobic aunt on Thanksgiving.”
Yes, turns out it’s challenging to have a private coming-out moment “when there’s 15 people in one house for the holiday,” as u/MysteriousR551 wrote. And their post-dinner chat with their father turned out to be a conversation with their brother and aunt, as well. (u/MysteriousR551 hasn’t specified their pronouns in their Reddit bio, so we’re defaulting to gender-neutral pronouns to be safe.)
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“My aunt has made homophobic/transphobic comments in the past, so obviously, I didn’t want her to know that I’m gay,” u/MysteriousR551 added. “She asked me if I had a boyfriend and I said no. She kept going on and on about how a girl my age should have a boyfriend and that I should be thinking about marriage and kids.”
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u/MysteriousR551 had heard such comments before from this aunt, but this particular remark put them “over the edge.” And then…
I snapped and said something like, ‘Trust me when I say that I will never have a boyfriend. Not that it matters to you, but I’m gay!’ Complete silence for the longest time. Then my dad said, ‘I’m not surprised. I’ve suspected for quite a while. I’ve been waiting for you to tell me when you were ready. I don’t care if you like girls or boys or whoever, as long as you’re happy.’ At this point, me and my aunt are visibly in tears. She hugged me and said she was sorry for everything. That if she had known, she wouldn’t have made so many horrible comments.
u/MysteriousR551 said that they had a “long discussion” with their father and aunt, while their brother stayed oddly silent for the next few hours. “I tried to ask him what was up earlier this morning, but I couldn’t get any answer beyond ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘I’m so happy for you.’ Based on that and my previous suspicions over the last couple of years, I have a feeling that my brother will have his own coming-out experience someday. Either way, I will still love him, and I’m so proud of myself for coming out, even though it was an accident.”
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Good gravy, did that Thanksgiving story end well! We’re still a little salty about the aunt—it shouldn’t take a relative’s coming-out to make one regret homophobic and transphobic comments—but let’s just hope she has lived and learned.
Openminded
Good ending for the coming out. I can’t say that I would think the Aunt’s remarks are homophobic or transphobic though. No matter how accepted same sex relationships become, the expectations that girls should have a boyfriend will likely always be the default. Kind of like how the writer of this story assumed the subject would choose pronouns different from the typical norms.
Cam
You just can’t help yourself can you? You will ALWAYS defend homophobia, no matter the context. The article stated that the Aunt had made homophobic comments in the past. It didn’t specify what those comments were, so you trying to claim they weren’t homophobic is another obvious deflection in your long history of defending anti-LGBTQ bigots under this screename.
It is cute though that you moderate your bile with this screename and think it will fool us when you use it to defend comments by your other screenames.
Raphael
@Cam Neither can you, right? You always have to be the arbitrary of good and bad, right and wrong here in the comments. Everyone that thinks different, is “troll”. Just let people have their own opinions. What an annoying guy…
Fahd
@Raphael
I’m surprised I’m the first to say so, but I disagree with you. It is Thanksgiving so a great day to say that I’m thankful for Cam and others calling out persistently pernicious trolling in the comments section. If they didn’t, before long the comments section would become intolerably overrun by provocation and contrariness – too many sites already have shut down their comments sections because of that. It wouldn’t take long here.
I don’t want to provoke a Thanksgiving feud, but I thought it was important to defend the good work some of our fellow commentators are doing. They are maintaining a sane place for everyone.
jayceecook
@Cam You never pass up an opportunity to make an a** of yourself. LOL
I don’t know the OP’s comment history because I don’t keep a Rolodex of everything everyone posts here like you do. Except for you because your BS is in almost every post on Q. Oh, and the transph0be and femmeph0be di*khead. Hank31. However the OP is not wrong. Nowhere does the girl who posted this…3 YEARS AGO Queerty… give an example of the h0m0phobic and transph0bic comments the aunt has said to her. The readers are just simply told that she has made them.
However the things the aunt DOES say to her niece are. Which are the questions and comments about if the niece will ever find a boyfriend, etc, etc. Those aren’t h0m0phobic or transph0bic. Like the OP said, those are the default questions family and friends tend to ask because heter0sexuality is the default in the world, aka compulsory heter0sexuality. It would be nice if people instead would ask something like, “Are you ever going to find a boyfriend or girlfriend?” However society isn’t there yet. Have you ever met a logical fallacy you don’t use obsessively?
jayceecook
@Fahd Oh look, one of Cam’s alt usernames comes in to defend himself to make it look like everyone here actually enjoys Cam appointing himself the One True King and Troll Hunter of Q’s comment section. Try harder sweety. Your troll game is tired and sad.
Fahd
@ Jaycee
Wrong! I’m a fan, but I’m not Cam. (He’s smarter in case you haven’t noticed). But again, thank goodness for Cam and others who do their good work here damping down the crazy; otherwise you and yours would run amok (see above).
Isn’t there a website that better caters to your needs? Spending all your time here defending the indefensible and spewing vitriol isn’t good for your health. It can’t pay more than a few rubles, in any case.
Plus, I don’t think Cam will be deterred by you all getting all out of sorts. Oh well.
jayceecook
@Fahd Good lord couldn’t you have just used your main username Cam to defend yourself? Using your “fan” account is just sad and pathetic. Your troll game is tired and sad.
bivector
It doesn’t sound like this article included any of the aunt’s homophobic comments. OP says they were “in the past”:
“My aunt has made homophobic/transphobic comments in the past, so obviously, I didn’t want her to know that I’m gay”
Fahd
Overall, I thought it was a good troll-catch by Cam. Thank goodness he’s willing to take the time to rebut when needed. Since Queerty won’t step up and moderate, Cam and his fellow Trollbusters are doing important work.
Fname Optional Lname
So how does Cam defending LGBTQ people turn in to a bad thing? He’s not mean or malicious and his intentions are transparent without a hidden agenda. Ohhh he heard homophobic comments were made and he took offense – shocking! Cam is alright and I would say good at heart. Is he fun at parties>? Depends on who shows up
Cam
@Raphael I love that the troll account ALWAYS has one of it’s other screenames come in to defend it, but as always, it’s obsession with me derails it’s attempt.
And @jayceecook , I’ve busted this screename defending bigots and trading off troll comments with your other screenames multiple times, why do you even bother to try anymore?
Your troll game is sad and weak, and your fury and anger at me just shows that I’m calling out the right screenames.
Openminded
Well, I tried to reply but someone with inside connections has apparently thrown my response into the “awaiting moderation” abyss. That’s always a good sign that you are speaking the truth they don’t want others to hear.
It appears I stirred up many with my OP. Would someone please rationally explain to me what I said that was construed as H*m*ophobic or Tr*nsphobic?
The point of my comment was that, like it or not, the vast majority still sees hetero as the norm. Yes, it would be ideal if everyone was aware that there are LGBT folks everywhere but an older person assuming her niece would be on the lookout for a boy does not constitute any phobia or hate. Maybe the aunt’s past comments do, but they were not stated in the article so I won’t pass judgement on that.
Many on here wrongly think I’m anti LGBT or have other phobias. I support this community not simply because I am part of it but because it is simply the right thing to do. As Queerty’s comment policy demands,(Many on here should review the Policy posted at the bottom of every comment box) I have never hated on any group as a whole. I will call out someone if I think their actions are wrong or hurtful. IMO, too many on here seem to believe the LGBT community can do no wrong, which is not true. As a whole, I believe the community is great, but just because someone is LGBT, that doesn’t give them a pass to not be a good person. I support everyone’s beliefs, be they Black, White, Asian, Latino, Northerner, Southerner, Repub, Demo, Gay, Straight, Catholic, Protestant, etc.. You won’t, however, see me supporting someone doing wrong and trying to use any of the above groups as a shield. If you can’t honestly listen to other’s opinions and constantly evaluate yourself to make sure you are in the right, you will invariably end up in the wrong.
Cam
@Openminded
Awww, the troll account goes back to the first name it posted under. How…expected. And sweetie, your commitment to always defending bigotry is just so…..you.
As the article said, and others pointed out, the aunt had PREVIOUSLY made homophobic comments, none were listed, so your continually coming on and crying that nothing the Aunt said was homophobic isn’t just an obvious trolling attempt, it’s also a bad one.
But thanks for continuing to show everyone your complete desperation to defend any and all homophobic comments no matter how irrelevant to the post.
jayceecook
@Cam LOL Keep f**king that duck Cam. You have never “busted” me for supporting bigots and you never will. Why? Because I haven’t and don’t. As I said, I don’t know who the OP is or their comment history on this site. So if they have made bigoted remarks on a completely different post on Q I’m not aware of it. However concerning THIS PARTICULAR COMMENT ON THIS SPECIFIC POST nothing they said was h0m0phobic or transph0bic. End of. I’ve explained why that is yet your pea brain just doesn’t seem capable of understanding. Instead you fall back to one of your favorite logical fallacies, Ad hominem, because Cam must always be right. You attack, deflect, ignore, and dismiss anything somebody says if it doesn’t fit into your very, very narrow worldview. Your personal definitions of “troll” and “bigot” are so vast that you yourself are one! You have absolutely no awareness or understanding of your cognitive biases. It’s sad, pathetic, and utterly boring. Because of that you’re nothing but a troll yourself.
Openminded
Awwww….Graham, I mean Cam, Your troll game is old and boring. You still can’t answer my question of what I said that was phobic towards anyone. For that matter you can’t understand what the whole point of my OP was. I really really try to follow Queerty’s comment rules, but your obnoxious, repetitive, annoying comments make that impossible. I always treat others with respect until they show me they can’t return that decency. As I have stated previously, I only need and only have ONE screenname on this site. You are just trying to agitate commenters with your unfounded, untrue claims of me and others having multiple screennames, which is coincidentally part of the definition of a TROLL. Obviously, you feel threatened by me or anyone else with differing viewpoints and feel the need to be hateful and spout lies about them. Are you afraid differing opinions might make others think outside the LGBT box and realize we just might have a few defects we need to work on? Getting everyone in a single room and chanting “We are right” does not make us right and only serves to alienate us from those we seek to embrace and to be embraced by. I am not and never will come here with intentions of tearing down this house, but I and others have just as much right to state our honest comments as anyone else. Graham, I know you are here in an attempt to enrich the “click count” for the site but I can assure you, more people would comment here is not for the fear of being attacked by you when they dare to disagree with your narrow vision of the truth. If only you were half as important as you dream of being.
DarkZephyr
“Well, I tried to reply but someone with inside connections has apparently thrown my response into the “awaiting moderation” abyss. That’s always a good sign that you are speaking the truth they don’t want others to hear.”
Bruh, it doesn’t work that way. More likely you edited your comment rather than deleting it and starting over or you used words that the site does not permit. If you ever need to edit a recent comment, always delete it and just repost the edited version or it will get stuck in moderation hell. Also don’t use words the site doesn’t permit or the same thing will happen. Moderation hell.
jayceecook
@DarkZephyr Not true. I have multiple replies that have been in moderation limbo for days, weeks, months, and probably years. I’ve tried all the tricks you mentioned and more. Most sites that have a proprietary commenting system can block or automoderate usernames, email addresses, and IP addresses.
I have to replies to Cam still in moderation from days ago in a different post. The funny thing is I copied and pasted the same replies and posted them in a different article and guess what? It showed up. So yes, the folks at Q can absolutely use comment moderation as a form of censorship.
Cam
@jayceecook
LOL!!!! OMG! I LOVE it when the right wing troll makes such an obvious mistake.
Sweetie, @DarkZephyr was referencing a comment made by the screename @openminded and you forgot which screename you were under and defended the original comment under your other screename of @jayceecook
LOL!!!!! Your troll game isn’t just sad and weak anymore, now it’s also hilarious!!
Now that you’ve totally blown these two screenames, its time for you to bring start using “MissTerri” and “Caddy4J” more. LOL!!!
Raphael
@Cam you’re obsessed with “trolls”, that’s childish and weird, you should seek professional help. But if it makes you feel better and less paranoid; no, I don’t have any connections with any other members, I don’t even live in the US. I’m just one of the many, that are tired of your unsolicited moderation… Every single article, you have to go after the people commenting. Just leave your own comment and move on! Believe me, no one here is expecting (or wishing) your input when we post our comments.
jayceecook
@Cam I was perfectly aware that DarkZephyr wasn’t replying to me. I’m allowed to tell somebody that what they are saying is incorrect whether or not it was originally intended for me. If you would ever visit any other website besides Q you would see that happens all the time. I was sharing *my* personal experience with Q’s ridiculous comment moderation system.
People jump into comment threads and offer their two cents all the time. Get a life dude. Seriously.
Openminded
DarkZephyr, thanks for the advice. I’ve checked for banned word usage and made sure I didn’t use any. I have, however, edited comments so that may be the issue. I’ll take your advice on that. Again, thanks.
Cam, Your life obviously sucks being so filled with hatred. So glad I’m never in direct contact with you as you would have to just be unbearable to listen to with all your limited vocabulary. Seems you can only post the same old reply about multiple screennames and trolls and such. I won’t even start on how delusional you are. Must be lonely living by yourself because I know there isn’t a soul on this earth that could love your hate filled heart.
customartist
Relatives, people, should not be making homophobic comments in the first place. Parents, like the father in this case, and particularly who suspect already that their kids may be gay, should not be tolerating such hate-filled comments from others, which tear at the mental health of their children. Silence is approval.
Cam
I’m glad this turned out well and hope it goes smoothly for the brother.
Jaquelope
I’m not sure it will become the “accepted norm” to choose gender neutral pronouns or not, but doesn’t it make sense that someone who identifies herself as a girl, as the Reddit poster seems to, who has not explicitly stated they do not use gender neutral pronouns, would use the pronouns “she/her”?
Fname Optional Lname
I think it’s our responsibility to remind straight folks that are still in the mindset that young ladies are expected to marry a man and have children that young ladies may have relationships with a person of any gender identity and it should not be assumed who they will or should have a relationship with. Society may not be there yet but they are not going to get there until they are reminded that not everyone in this world is hetero and that we all need to be acknowledged.
Openminded
I tried to make this point earlier, but was called homophobic/transphobic. I obviously agree with you about this. My point was to show that the author of the story likely has a very strong bias towards transpeople when “they” chose to assume the article’s subject should be referred to with neutral pronouns. This should be an indicator to readers that the story will most likely strongly lean that way. I prefer articles that are written without bias and with factual info only. That allows me to decide where I stand on the issue instead of being spoon fed what I am “supposed” to believe.
Cam
@Openminded
No, actually, what you tried to do was cry that nothing the aunt said was homophonic, when none of the aunts comments were listed in the article. But it’s adorable how you always try to play victim no matter what screename you’re under.
jayceecook
@Cam “…when none of the aunts comments were listed in the article.”
HYPOCRITE!
If none of the aunt’s comments were listed in the article how did you deem them to be h0m0ph0bic and transph0bic when you attacked OpenMinded by saying “You will ALWAYS defend homophobia, no matter the context.”
You can’t make a value judgment on something a person might have said if you don’t know what it is they said. We don’t know what the aunt said that the niece deemed h0m0ph0bic and transph0bic. The niece deeming it h0m0ph0bic and transph0bic is not enough.
If I went around and said Cam has said some extremely racist things but never provide examples of said remarks or proof, nobody with an ounce of common sense should outright believe me. The same holds true for the aunt in this situation. All we can judge are the specific things we are told she said. Which is what OpenMinded originally did.
Even then we have to take it with a grain of salt because all of this is being told to us by a third or even fourth party. This is why YOU are so problematic Cam. You either can’t or won’t do any sort of critical thinking and instead resort to attacking folks. Do better.
DarkZephyr
@jayceecook
Most likely because the reddit poster stated that they were homophobic and transphobic. No hypocrisy required for that.
jayceecook
@DarkZephyr Reading comprehension is obviously not your strong suit. Try working on that a bit before replying to me.
DarkZephyr
@jayceecook
I see you have decided to resort to insult where no insult was thrown at you. Interesting. That being said, my reading comprehension is just fine and I will reply on this site whenever I feel like it.
Look, this isn’t a court of law. If the author of the post has established that their aunt has made homophobic and transphobic remarks in the past, that is how we know, for the sake of story discussion, that she has made remarks that are homophobic and transphobic. So one does not have to be a hypocrite to assume the aunt has made homophobic remarks in the past if the one telling the story has said “My aunt has made homophobic and transphobic remarks in the past”. One cannot *deny* that they were homophobic however, if there is no way to establish that they weren’t. The author said they were. Nobody and no quote has established otherwise, so you can’t say “no homophobic or transphobic remarks were made” while discussing the story.
skeldare
Based on the title I was expecting an article about multiple people coming out
galileo
“Recent post” – Posted in 2018…
jayceecook
Yeah, I rolled my eyes big time when I clicked the link to read the actual post and saw it was from 3 years ago. Makes sense though. Q seems to be stuck in 2018 anyway.
sirald66
Pronoun not a mystery. No need to walk on egg shells.
Quote said, “She kept going on and on about how a girl my age”
Her coming out was about being gay, not trans.