The hard-working journalists over at Starcasm recently spotted everyone’s favorite Teflon-coated singer, Justin Bieber, wandering about with a new lady and a new tattoo. Rigorous analysis ensued!
The tattoo reads “Jesus” in Hebrew, and is positioned on his side so that it appears to be dribbling from his armpit, praise Christ.
Judaica aside, what are we to make of this new girlfriend of his? Her name is Selena Gomez, and she got her acting debut on Barney & Friends. Who knew that purple dinosaur was such a starmaker?
At any rate, she’s all grown up these days and canoodling around with the baby-faced pop star. Despite looking unsettlingly young, Bieber just turned 17 in March. That’s old enough to have a beard, right?
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
The Wonderbread-incarnate celebrity last made Queerty headlines in February, when he made comments that seemed to suggest that being gay is a “decision.” Whoops! Also, here he is making the world’s shortest “It Gets Better” video.
G.C.
http://gaycaptions.tumblr.com/
shameless plug!
tumblr that takes vintage illustrations and pairs them with modern gay themed captions.
Roger Rabbit
lol, at LEAST his GF can sing!
matt baume
@G.C.: Keep comments on-topic plz.
Red Meat
How lovely, he can’t grow pubic hair yet h can get tattoos. His carrer should be over soon, Zac Efron’s fame died out, then the mexican brothers, its his turn.
Jordan
Are we just gonna ignore the obvious tramp stamp he also has?
Danny
Um… Jesus never spoke Hebrew… “Jesus” is a Greek name… the person people call “Jesus” was never called “Jesus”. His real name was Eesho and he spoke and taught Aramic. If you follow Middle-east mythology, you should at least know the real name and language of your demi-god. If he were alive, he would not recognize being called Jesus. You’d have to say Eesho to get his attention on the street. Justin needs to learn his history before tattooing himself (tattoos of course are forbidden by the bible, as are haircuts).
matt baume
@Danny: Those are all excellent points! If Jesus saw this, he’d probably be like, “oh, you shouldn’t have. No, really, YOU SHOULDN’T HAVE.”
Jordan
@Danny: Hahahaha I love this comment SO much! SUCH good points.
Tallskin
This article is really weak and rubbish
What the hell has happened to Queerty?
matt baume
@Tallskin: Hey, could you stop leaving the same comment over and over on every post? It’s boring as fuck.
Randall
Selina Gomez was famous before Beiber was.
TheRealAdam
@matt baume: LOL.
Dick
@Danny, He may have spoken Aramaic but would have been named Joshua Ben-Joseph.
Ellie
@Danny
Are you kidding me!? Jesus was Jewish, he was a rabi and spread Judaism. One of his followers created Christianity after he died.
Mike in Asheville
@matt baume: Well, maybe you should not post so many weak and rubbish articles.
Be honest, Matt, but how do you distinguish between those that bully gay kids and what you/Queerty do mocking a just-turned 17 year-old kid? Your/Queerty regularly poke mean-spirited jabs that Bieber: looks like a lesbian (is that not somewhat misogynistic and homophobic?), has female beards (again, misogynistic and homophobic), has no real talent (and yet his fans keep buying his music and concert tickets) ….
So yeah, weak and rubbish seem accurate.
Matt
Justin Bieber and his showmance are disgusting.
Sharon
As a Hebrew speaker, I’m sorry to tell you Bieb, but you spelled ‘Jesus’ wrong. It’s ???, not ????. Better luck next time.