jesus saves

All of Those Justin Bieber Lookalike Lesbians Must Now Get a Jesus Tattoo

The hard-working journalists over at Starcasm recently spotted everyone’s favorite Teflon-coated singer, Justin Bieber, wandering about with a new lady and a new tattoo. Rigorous analysis ensued!

The tattoo reads “Jesus” in Hebrew, and is positioned on his side so that it appears to be dribbling from his armpit, praise Christ.

Judaica aside, what are we to make of this new girlfriend of his? Her name is Selena Gomez, and she got her acting debut on Barney & Friends. Who knew that purple dinosaur was such a starmaker?

At any rate, she’s all grown up these days and canoodling around with the baby-faced pop star. Despite looking unsettlingly young, Bieber just turned 17 in March. That’s old enough to have a beard, right?

The Wonderbread-incarnate celebrity last made Queerty headlines in February, when he made comments that seemed to suggest that being gay is a “decision.” Whoops! Also, here he is making the world’s shortest “It Gets Better” video.