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Allow The Bible Tutor To Explain How So Not Gay The Good Book Is

“Put the ‘holy’ back in ‘matrimony,” says Eve Templeton, the Bible tutor. She’s on a campaign to educate college students about the blatant heterosexuality that permeates the Bible. All this talk about naked men and foreskins? Totally not gay.

On:           Mar 28, 2011
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    • greenmanTN

      I’ve really had it with these assholes. You know this is? It’s a desperate group striving for relevance as their fantasy world withers in the face of science and technology. That’s what all this fundamentalism and Biblical literalism is, a last ditch insistence that EVERY word of the bible is true because once you admit that some of it is allegory, fable, or just plain bullshit then the whole thing is brought into doubt. So you end up with a “Natural History Museum” that has Adam and Eve riding dinosaurs and trying to explain how Noah got 2 of MILLIONS of species onto a fucking boat.

      And did you ever notice how neither book of the Bible manages to come up much in the way of scientifically relevant advice. I mean if God made the whole fucking thing you’d think he’d have dropped a few hints like “Thou shalt wash they hands before touching a bloody wound” or “Thou shalt not get thy drinking water where thou also taketh thy dumps.” You know, something that might have given them a lifespan of over 40 years on average.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 11:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rich

      Ummmm, Green man. That was a spoof. She was actually making fun of fundamentalists by taking their absurdity to the extreme. It’s called farce.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 11:44 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tallskin

      LOL it’s amusing!

      I guess it only really works in a culture like the US which is immersed in a dank pond of green-slimy religious bullshit . It wouldnt have the same power in an atheist/secular culture like the UK or France.

      But it’s still very funny even to an atheist like me.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ben

      @Rich: Yeah… there’s no way @greenmanTN: even watched it.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:01 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • greenmanTN

      @Rich: Ah. That’s what I get for not actually watching the vid. The video froze for some reason so I just assumed the Queerty description of its contents was accurate (which I should also know better than to do).

      Still, my comments are valid regarding any of the recent outpourings of religious stupidity, from Victoria Jackson to the Catholic Priest, to Mike Huckabee, to Finnish evangelicals, to Michelle Bachmann, to Newt Gingrich, to…. It’s endless. Daily we’re subjected the blatherings of people about why their interpretation of an ancient text which isn’t based on observable reality to begin with should be codified into law. I used to try to be more accepting of people’s religious beliefs and faith but I’ve had it with having their fantasies shoved in my face. So pardon me for going off half-cocked (so to speak) one one of the rare times it wasn’t actually heartfelt stupidity but a parody. Even if I had watched it it’s sometimes hard to tell.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jeffree

      @Greenman: Don’t sweat it. You ever heard of Poe’s law? Something along the lines that once someone starts spouting fundie-speak, you can’t tell if it’s parody or sincere belief or just plain craaazy. Gooogle it.

      Shining example was the TamTamPamela video on how “awesome” God is for “waking Japan up” via the earthquake. Total poe! It wasn’t discovered until a few days after it went viral….

      Mar 28, 2011 at 1:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Ogre Magi

      Liberals love to accuse conservatives of not having read the Bible, but the fact is, neither side has read it. There are two Jesuses alive and well in America today and neither of them come from the Bible. One is a greedy capitalist and the other is a wishy washy New Age hippie.

      Jesus is a terrible role model by any of today’s standards. Even if you ignore the fucked up things he said (“I come not to bring peace, but a sword”) and take the best of his teachings – love your neighbor, do unto others – these are utterly simplistic and obvious statements that people had come up with centuries before Jesus supposedly lived. You would learn a million more valuable things about morality by taking one semester of ethics in college. Or hell, high school, if they offer it.

      Mar 28, 2011 at 3:43 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Desdemona

      ew what an immature bitch. it’s so pathetic how people like her have to reduce a human being down to a penis or a vagina- there’s more to a person than their genitals you ignorant bitch!

      Mar 29, 2011 at 12:07 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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