An Open Love Letter to Joseph P. Kennedy III, The Hot Ginger Kennedy Scion Running For Barney Frank’s Seat

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Originally my post named the object of my desire Patrick J. Kennedy, which is wrong and likely due to my deliriously infatuated state/the fact that Kennedys all have super similar Irish Catholic names. Thanks to commenter Jason for pointing out the error.

Dear Joseph Patrick Kennedy III,

While we here at Queerty will miss Barney for his Frank nature and tireless championing of gay causes, we have to admit that we were quite titillated at a bit of news hitting the internet recentlynamely that you are “seriously considering” running for Frank’s newly gerrymandered district.

In the name of hot ginger pride, among other things, please consider this opportunity as strongly as possible. If you are elected, it’s very possible you could wrest the crown of hottest member of the House from 150% totally not-gay Aaron Schock. We haven’t see you shirtless (yet), and Aaron’s body is pretty sick, but he is an evil Republican so we’re hoping you could maybe add some star power to the hotness factor of the Democratic party.

Plus, everybody knows that the Kennedy family is ca$h-money connected, and gettin’ the paper for your campaign will be as easy as tapping a drunk girl in a Red Sox cap at the Kettle-Ho.

And, hey, your politics are pretty awesome too. Says the Cape Cod Times:

Even though he’s a scion of a legendary political dynasty, he could also position himself as an outsider in an election year likely to be brutal to incumbents and career pols, the source said. He speaks fluent Spanish and spent two years in the Dominican Republic for the Peace Corps — big pluses in a district with a growing Latino population, the source told the Herald.

¡Dios mío, que caliente rojo!

So let’s elect you, hotter version of Conan O’Brien five years ago/Ron Howard circa Happy Days, and be done with it already. See you on the campaign trail! Provincetown fundraiser next summer? Do Barney good, boy.


P.S. Are you seeing anyone right now?

P.P.S. A reader writes in to laud Mr. Kennedy III: “I can confirm that he’s just as smart and sweet as he is hot. We went to law school together. At least back then he was dating an equally hot, smart, lefty woman.” So he’s not gay, boo. Bi? Bi-curious?

Photo via dbking

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  • GOD (gay old dude)

    A Kennedy running for office in Boston? Might as well hand him the position now and not waste the taxpayers’ money on a predetermined election.

  • Jason

    You got his name WRONG. He is JOSEPH PATRICK KENNEDY III, son of Joe Kennedy and grandson of RFK. There is no Patrick Joseph Kennedy III. There is Patrick Joseph Kennedy II– the son of Ted Kennedy.

    Please CORRECT!!!

  • Jason

    He is also a TWIN– his brother is Matthew Rauch Kennedy.

  • Evan Mulvihill

    @Jason: Ah, these Kennedys and their similar names. Correcting ASAP.

  • Jason


  • Cam

    The last several Kennedy’s have not been anything to write home about. PAtrick Kennedy came into the house looking to be a national politician, almost lost his seat the next election because he ignored his constituents, and had a scandal where he smashed his car driving drunk and had the capital police drive him home without charging him.

    Kathleen Kennedy Townsand ran for governor of Maryland, a majority Democrat State and lost to a republican Erlich because she ran such a bad campaign. Basically her campaign was “I’m a Kennedy”.

    I’m sick of all these legacies, get some new blood in office.

  • Ted B. (Charging Rhino)

    What is it about Kennedys and ballot boxes?

  • Matthew

    You know, I’d always thought that JFK, Jr was the hottest of the Kennedys, but my tune has been changed.

  • Paul F

    To top it off, he has the superman hair curl too!

  • SteveC

    Nepotism rocks.

    It’s good to know that only certain families dynasties are allowed to run for office.

    ANOTHER Kennedy?


  • Joetx

    @Jason: After googling JPK III, he has a fraternal twin, not identical twin.

  • ChrisC

    Let’s just hope he won’t drown anyone.

  • CJ

    Just what we need, electing someone because of their last name. This country is going DOWN in so many different ways that neither Republicans nor Democrats have an idea of how to vote. I think that Occupy Wall Street and the Tea Party people have one thing in common – this country needs change. Electing another Kennedy or allowing old-time politicians to stay in office and keep things corrupt is not going to get us anywhere. It seems like people have thrown their hands up and are willing to just go with the flow and ignore thinking. How about asking serious questions of our candidates. I don’t mind it if this Kennedy is amazing and deserves the spot. That’d be great. But, to elect him based on a name or looks… that’s the last thing we need. And, if he gets elected 50% of the votes will surely come from people who just see the Kennedy name and then put a check to his name.

  • ewe

    oh can’t those motherfuckers do anything else but campaign. Go fucking home.

  • Cam


    LOL!!!! You and I dissagree on here on other posts…but damn we are so on the same page here. LOL

  • George412

    Can’t stand the Kennedy’s. I thought we broke off with Britian because we didn’t like monarchies. The Kennedy’s are a family built on lies, theft, death, bootlegging…and rape. He should go get a real job and tell his family the time has come to get off the MA till.

  • Pedro

    You shouldn’t vote for someone because of their name, but you also shouldn’t not vote for someone simply because of their name. Let the man campaign and make his case to the constituents whose votes he’s trying to gain…No Monarch has ever had to go out and beg for votes, so comparing the Kennedys to hereditary royalty is silly. Prince William will never, ever have to go into poor neighborhoods and pimp for votes to the throne, he just has to wait around for his granny and dad to kick the bucket and then he’s King. Period. Why reject someone, who might just be a great representative of his constituents, simply because he was born into a political family?

  • Chadboy


    Because he is a Kennedy. They don’t earn their positions in politics. They are given them or steal them. Look at the family history.

  • Scott

    The Democrats have the Kennedy dynasty and the Republicans are so jealous! What have they give us? A crook, a man with dementia, several recessions, and wars. The Obamas may offer another dynasty if one of his girls runs for President in 20 years.


    “Chasin after Barney Franks seat” oh how I love you.

  • geoff

    @George412: Since your rant is so irresponsible let me give you a hint – substitute the name Bush for Kennedy and you would be a lot closer to the truth. George the 1st, George the 2nd, Jeb the wannabe (whoops, I forgot all his family skeletons keeping him from the throne) and Neil the Savings and Loan crook. Defame the Kennedy’s at your own peril – Bush II, the war criminal , trumps them all.

  • geoff

    @CJ: @Chadboy: It’s amazing the amount of ignorance obvious in may of these posts. Did any you read anything about this young man before posting. Obviously not. He’s a lawyer (for some of the uniformed this means he graduated from law school and passed the bar) He speaks fluent Spanish and spent two years in the peace corps. Now he may run for office. Who are to judge HIM based on his family last name? Or Judge at all. Please send me your resume and family last name and we can talk.

  • geoff

    @geoff: typing to fast and not ‘proofing’ – should be an ‘of’ and ‘you’ in there.

  • George412


    The article wasn’t about the Bush family. I would say the same thing about them. I don’t believe in political dynasties whether it be the Kennedy’s or Bushes. Interesting you quickly jump thinking I support the Bush family. I don’t. Kennedy’s are a family of crooks, thieves, cheaters, murderers and rapists. The Bush family is a bunch of crooks, thieves and drunks. Since their dynasty is younger I’m sure there will be more skeletons to come from their closet.

    For the record so you don’t make it about dems vs. republicans, I have a 80% record of voting for democrats and 20% republican. I’m an independent.

  • Pedro

    @George412: So you’re one of those hard-core Christianists who believes that the sins of the fathers should fall upon the children, on in this case the sins of the great-uncles and great-grandfathers…Since as far as I know (am willing to be disabused) his own grand-father Robert Kennedy was an honorable man…Please get over yourself…I thought each individual should be judged on their own merits…if so please judge this young man based on his own actions and don’t castigate him for whatever sins you think his relatives may have done.

  • geoff

    @George412: Well put. Mostly. I was simply juxtaposing- Bush v Kennedy, if you will. Using generalities (crooks, thieves, cheaters, murderers and rapists) to describe any one family can also be used to for another. Not guessing your political affiliations. As for “younger dynasty” … Samuel P Bush (1863-1948) considered the patriarch of the Bush Dynasty was an American Industrialist associated with Rockefellers and Harrimans. Also “served” in the Wilson and Hoover Administrations. His son Prescott Bush was a senator from CT (1952-1963) His son G H W and His son G H… well…. you get the idea. Oh yeah, Barbara Pierce Bush descended from Pres Franklin Pierce. P.S. I get the rapist (singular) thing – Wm K Smith – who was acquitted? but murderer? please enlighten me. And old (legal ‘crook’) Joe made pretty sure none of his descendants would ever be on the MA till.

  • geoff


  • tj

    Why won’t these people go away. They are the most self absorbed entitled people on the planet. I almost hope the Republican beats him… ugh.

    He is hot tho.

  • tj

    @ George 412
    EXACTLY! Time to put away the nepotism and get the cronyism out of politics.

  • teabag

    He’s not hot at all. Not even close. The only good looking Kennedy was JFK jr, he could have been some random dude and he’d still be hot. He REALLY was hot, it had nothing to do with he’s name or what ever.

  • dedguy

    @ChrisC: What a STUPID comment to makeChad boy

Comments are closed.