Out

Another Holy Gay “Admission”

So, Friday we established that Evangelical Rev Ted Haggard admitted to buying meth through a hooker named Mike Jones. Over the weekend – on Sunday, actually, in a letter read to his congregation by standby president, Rev. Larry Stockstill – Haggard admitted to so-called “sexual immorality” after being fired by a jury of his God-fearing peers.

The fact is I am guilty of sexual immorality. And I take responsibility for the entire problem. I am a deceiver and a liar. There’s a part of my life that is so repulsive and dark that I have been warring against it for all of my adult life.

Indeed. Battling with internal homophobia’s ugly business. It’s especially vile when the pereson in question’s an outspoken gay-nemesis. So hideously revolting that children were ejected from the room to protect their innocent, Biblically anesthetized ears from the grotesque, homosexually charged discussion, The New York Times reported.

We actually feel sort of bad for poor Haggard. He’s obviously got so many unresolved issues, we can’t even wrap our minds around the pocked nightmare that is his psyche.

The cover-up, it seems, comes not from a deep-seated shame. On the contrary, as Haggard writes in his letter, the aforemetioned disception came from “pride”: “because of pride, I began deceiving those I love the most because I didn’t want to hurt or disappoint them.”

Yeah, that sure sounds like pride to us.

Anyway, don’t worry about Teddy Boy – most of the 30 million Evangelicals Haggard called his own when he was still president of National Association of Evangelicals are a forgiving people. We’re sure that once Haggard comes crawling back begging for salvation from his inner self, he’ll be right back on the pulpit from which he’s preached so much anti-homo balderdash. (Will James Dobson lead the pack?)

We have to admit, we’d prefer if he’d use his even-broader fame for good, not evil, i.e. calling homosexuality repulsive. Sure, we may feel a little bad for the guy, but we’re not feeling especially merciful this morning.

What do you think, cheery-eyed readers? Should Haggard be forgiven?

(By the way, we love this picture of Haggard preaching in Honolulu. He wants it all over his face. If you’re as sick as we are, you’ll notice the microphone looks a bit suspect, as well.)