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Banned From Gay Bars: Girls Getting Married


Alaska is seeing its drag bar scene die off. Now some Chicago gay bars are doing what they can to stem the bloodshed: banning bachelorette parties, and straights in general, which are scaring the homos away. And also, because it’s just. Reads a sign at the bar Cocktail: “Until same-sex marriage is legal everywhere and same-sex couples are allowed the rights as every heterosexual couple worldwide, we simply do not think it’s fair or just for a female bride-to-be to celebrate her upcoming nuptials here at Cocktail. We are entitled to an opinion, this is ours.” [ChiTri]

On:           Mar 23, 2009
Tagged: , ,
    • Alan

      They have a point.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:50 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark

      Really? This happened in my hometown? Cocktail? Well, there’s still Sidetrack and Roscoe’s.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:51 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jason in WV

      I think the LGBT community needs to do more of this. Spread the word – you don’t want us to be a part of your “community”? Then we’re not going to be. Stay the fuck out, bitches!

      Take your party to the sports bar where your fat, beer swilling fiance’ met you!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:57 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dizzyspins

      Im not a big fan of banning people, but i really get pissed off at drunken bachelorettes who somehow think they can get away with anything at a gay bar because we just find all women soooo funny and fascinating. They don’t get that, for once, theyre not the center of attention)

      Here in New York, there are several drag bars that exist solely to host bachelorette parties. A few gay friends and I went to one once, and were made to feel very uncomfortable by both the customers and the queens. It was like having African-Americans show up at a minstrel show.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 2:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Qjersey

      They have a real point. I worked in a drag restaurant/bar with an all gay staff that was very popular with the bachelorette crowd. I really got tired of playing “uncle tom” to these women who could care less about our rights. Example: Host says to the crowd “Happy gay pride,” “hetero” audience response: crickets.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chitown Kev

      Oh, if y’all think this is fun, go check out the comments section of the Chicago Tribune story.

      Bottom line. Breeder girls who who think their breeder status annoits them with privilege in our house.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM

      I don’t like the idea of banning anyone or of not celebrating love, but frankly having a bachelorette party at a gay bar is like having a pie-tasting at a Weight Watcher’s meeting…kinda tacky and insensitive.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RS

      @dizzyspins: I totally agree. I have met plenty of wonderful straight women and men at gay bars, and have enjoyed their company. It’s not straight people in general at gay bars that bothers me. It’s the ones who travel in noisy, shrieking packs, ignoring the lines and pushing their way to the front of the bar, and then expecting gay men to buy them drinks the way straight men do in other bars. If you want that, go back to those other bars.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • tyler


      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:44 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevin (not that one)

      Do gay people even go to these bars?

      Traditional drag shows have always been predominantly straight.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 3:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dellisonly

      I have to agree with Kevin(Not That One). It’s bad business. The same way that gay marriage momentarily stimulated the California economy. Let em in. Let them spend their money, but send them home with something to chew on.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:00 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Chitown Kev

      @kevin (not that one):

      The bars that the Tribune article cites, yes they do. I’m not big on the bar scene but I go to Circuit every once in a blue moon. It’s bad enough that I have had to put up with the obnoxious attitudes and assumptions of fag hags who want me to be their little pet. I’ll be damned if I go to a space that catres to the same.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:08 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • drresol

      In the past we’ve had a few bachelorette parties come through our local gay bar, but I must say they were actually very polite and well-behaved. And, we gays were more than happy to help the bride celebrate her special night.

      However, given recent events regarding gay marriage I can see how it would now be a bit bitter for us and poor taste on their part.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • strumpetwindsock

      And then there’s outright discrimimination, and verbal abuse from straights in our bars.

      There was a place in my old home town where a lot of straight kids hung out (because it played better dance music than any of their shitty joints). I never saw violence there, but I heard my fair share of mocking and snickering, and challenged it often enough. Guess what? That place ain’t around anymore.

      I’m not personally in favour of banning, but I won’t criticize any place that feels they want to set that sort of rule. At the very least something like that Cocktails sign is good because it challenges straights who enjoy our hospitality to do get involved (as many do).

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • What's good for the goose ...

      Either businesses can discriminate on the basis of sexual orientation, or they cannot. It can’t be a one-way street. I think private businesses should be able to do what they wish — but recognize the consequences of supporting this position.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 4:23 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevin (not that one)

      @What’s good for the goose …: It’s stupid for these gay-owned businesses to turn away profit during these tough times. Abbie Hoffman said “the first goal of a revolutionary is to survive.” This is the case with gay-owned businesses.

      If a group of straight women want to have a loud and obnoxious bachelorette party at a drag bar or go-go bar, then they should be able to rent out the bar. If you’re not on the invite list, you don’t get in. It’s a win-win situation.

      Plus, I wonder how the queens and go-go dancers feel about losing their tips proceeds from this stupid “ban” on bachelorette parties? Principles are mighty fine, but they don’t pay the rent. Like someone said elsewhere, if this ban is truly about hurt feelings relating to marriage inequality, then add a “marriage equality” tax onto the bill and send the proceeds to your local marriage equality group.

      But god forbid, don’t turn away money. That’s not helping anyone.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Flex

      The gay bar that wants to ban straight girls from celebrating their bachelorette parties is offensive, and as low as the religious zealots who seek to harm us. Straight women have never been subject too the same type of discrimination that we deal with everyday, and they shouldn’t need to be either. The gesture is rude, and insulting to the gal-pals who were drawn to the venue because they felt welcomed, safe, and accepted.

      I’ve lived in Miami Beach for 10 years, and I live in San Francisco now. I’m much happier visiting gay-friendly straight bars over wholly inwardly gay bars, like the ones that were mentioned in Chicago.

      We need straight people, and they need us. We should never turn away anyone who wants to celebrate in our venues, even if they are clueless ladies celebrating their bachelorette parties. It is their birth-right to get married, and ours too! (It’s just not recognized YET by the state or government.) So, please, don’t h8 on str8!

      Anything goes! Remember?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Kalanw

      I don’t think they should be banned because they can get married. They should be banned because they are just so damn annoying. First it’s the load yelling, then they request music that is the opposite of what the DJ is playing. And when they have enough liquor in them out comes the,”BET I CAN TURN YOU STRAIGHT” game. and finally they have to be hauled out of the bar and propped up on the curb until a cab comes. BTW they really don’t tip that well and they expect free drinks cos they are getting married. As a DJ I can tell you they really know how to frak up a night.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaroslaw

      As much as I understand the desire to ban straight people (our one safe place to go….) I have to agree with what is good for the goose # 15 – either businesses have the right to discriminate or they don’t. I’m opting for don’t as in I don’t want to be discriminated against at any straight business.

      Now, what no one has said so far – ANY business can require courteous behavior of all patrons…or at least ban obnoxious behavior – problem solved?

      Mar 23, 2009 at 5:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • GayIsTheWay

      FALSE EQUIVALENCE. Do any of you know what FALSE EQUIVALENCE means? The situation of gay people and heterosexual-identified women are different. Gay couples are banned from legally marrying. In 30 state constitutions HATEROSEXUAL-ONLY MARRIAGE is law and gay people can’t even use our constitutional abilities to earn marriage rights through the judicial, executive and legislative branches of government.

      Haterosexuals destroy everything. It’s a fact. Gay people build peaceful, beautiful neighborhoods then haterosexuals move in because it’s a great place to live (low crime, nice people, beautiful architecture, well-maintained properties) and everything turns to SHIT! Violence skyrockets, ugly behavior rises, people don’t maintain their property etc all because heterosexuals move in. This pattern is repeated in every situation from gay magazines to gay bars. If you want things to turn to SHIT bring in the haterosexuals.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:03 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Jaime

      @kevin (not that one):
      These fucking cunts don’t tip! their sense of entitlement has them thinking not only do they not have to tip let alone actually pay for their drinks!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:29 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevin (not that one)

      “Haterosexuals destroy everything. It’s a fact.”

      Somewhere, a lone vintage Austrian clock is striking twelve and a little blue bird is calling “cukcoo, cukcoo!”

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:31 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevin (not that one)

      @Jaime: And you know this from personal experience?

      My best friend is a straight woman who works hard for her money and tips generously.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 6:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dickie

      I’ve always felt bachelorette parties at gay bars is tacky, and it really pisses me off. However, banning is pretty harsh. A strong word from the door man about behavior and ettiquette should suffice, and any breech of that should be dealt with by kiocking them from the bar. Imagine if these straight bars started banning guerilla gay bar events?!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:35 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Seth

      We should be the first ones to stand up and do the right thing- not being assholes and banning people from our hangouts until the hetros stand up and do the right thing! most of the people that go to these parties are on the left as far as supporting us anyway! Why punish them?

      People, if we want to win over allies then the last thing we want to do is take the minority that actually feel comfortable in our hangouts and tell them to fuck off… Those are our supporters!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Seth

      @Flex: Amen

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:39 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • getreal

      Well I’m straight and I think it is a great idea. I frankly don’t think anyone should be allowed to get married till everyone can.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 7:56 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM


      Like I said earlier, I think a ban is harsh even though these things are really tacky considering they are celebrating their marriage among people who are banned from marriage. That said, I don’t think they are necessarily on our side. Some are, perhaps, but many others are there to gawk, to feel like they are doing something naughty and scandalous, and to feel like they can get completely hammered without getting date raped. There is a bar here in Louisville where on a Saturday night, if you go there, you feel like you’re in an exotic petting zoo with all the bachelorettes running around. But again, aside from the gawkers, it is just really tacky at this time in history to come into a gay bar to celebrate your legal marriage with people who can’t have one.

      I do think some of you are confusing banning straight people with banning a particular event at a bar. It isn’t the same thing, not at all.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • audiored

      About time these obnoxious things get banned from gay bars.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 8:55 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • D.B.

      I do bring my straight friends to my favorite gay bars from time-to-time as my guests. I’m happy they are there, and I am glad they feel comfortable being there with me.

      But I wholly support any bans on bachelorette parties — they are not there supporting their gay friends, but using the gay bar environment for “entertainment.” They should go elsewhere.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Andrew Triska

      I don’t agree with banning heterosexuals from gay bars — what, are they going to ask to see everyone’s gay cards? — but I can see the point in banning bachelorette parties. It’s disrespectful to celebrate your marriage in a place full of people who can’t get married. Like holding your housewarming party in a homeless shelter.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Gayshian

      I live in Chicago and have been to Cocktails many times. They are not banning straight people from entry to the bar – they are banning large, annoying, bachelorette parties that drive their regular customers away!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:38 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • getreal

      I have been to many bachelorette parties they are fun but with the current legal persecution of LGBT people I think it is complete appropriate to ban them from gay bars or any gay owned or operated establishment. Obviously I don’t support banning straight people outright that would be bigotry. LGBT have second class citizen status which is bad enough and bachelorette parties in gay establishments only rub people’s noses in it. I think think there should be a boycott of all marriage related things until we have equal marriage rights for all americans.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • 123

      Oh my god–

      If I were to say any of the comments above, all of you would say what hater I am and how jealous and how I need to get a real life!!!

      cruiser would have called me jealous and not happy with my life, why do i need to hate?

      you bunch of hypocrites….


      I’ll keep saying this until I’m blue in the face and on my own blog:

      I am gay and love cock…

      I hate cunt especially some straight bride breeder snatch!!

      Lesbians are so totally not interested in us, which I love, so this does not include them. I love my lezzies.

      This goes to the straight slit: get the fuck out of our gayborhood and get the fuck out of stores, spas, nail salons and bars…..

      You cunts–your sense of self-entitlement can be a whole thesis. Gay guys don’t need to title anything to your nasty gashy slitty self.

      You may think you are just so cute and all the things you do with a toothy grin are precious because daddy called you his princess and said you could do no wrong–barf/vomit/gag– I am the gay guy that gives you the shitty look when you pass by or any where near me because you are a gash…

      Get this through your straight thick skull: You are a cunt to most gay boys…we hate snatch.

      Don’t go giving yourself all kind of props and think that just because you exist–you are a “gift.” I have lived in most major cities across the USA and most of the gay guys I know hate snatch and especially find the ones that hang out at gay bars are black holes of energy. The whole straight girl way of thinking— that they come in with their nasty outfits and shove their nasty tits in someone’s personal space and can kiss on gay boys and we don’t mind…get the fuck out of our face. Or they expect their fag friends to always buy them a drink….. you wanted equal rights–get a job and buy your own goddamn drink IN a straight bar. Don’t come to our gay bar to feel safe and not want to be hit on –yet!!!— you want all this attention from the town fags. Get the fuck out. We want to be around hot gay guys and get our trick on and we want all that male energy in the bar NOT some slit gunkin up the greased wheel—–you smelly disgusting retched straight cunt .

      A gay guy and straight cunt have nothing in common… we like guys for TOTALLY different reason… To name a few: the way they smell, how hard their bodies are, we can suck a cock soooooo way better and we don’t hold it like it’s something foreign, and we know how to eat a good, prime tasty ass and not to mention how most of us love cum….. the list is so numerous on why we are attracted to males, we could be here all day.

      Good for the Chicago gay bar!! BAN THE RETCHED BITCHES!!! Go have your nasty party at a strip bar that way guys will admire your nasty overdeveloped chest and that stinkin slit of yours..they’ll even probably buy you a drink just for YOU BEING YOU– A STRAIGHT CUNT!!

      Mar 23, 2009 at 9:59 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ChristopherM


      This bullshit makes me want to commit a hate crime.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • strumpetwindsock

      Man, who pissed in your cornflakes? That is one angry, creepy post.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:24 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • getreal

      @strumpetwindsock: I thought it was funny (and sad). There are some real kooks out there.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:28 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • AJD

      Banning straight people completely would be both morally wrong and, in my places, illegal (“no discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation” includes all sexual orientations), but that’s not the case here. The bar is banning bachelorette parties, which I fully support.

      I agree with what a lot of people have already said, that it’s in terrible taste to celebrate your marriage when most of the other patrons couldn’t do the same even if they wanted, especially if you choose a gay bar because it’s “exotic” or “taboo.”

      Also, I don’t think society has progressed enough for our establishments to be completely integrated. Gay men and lesbians still need places where we can be around “our people” and feel safe being ourselves in a public setting.

      This sort of reminds of what’s been happening for years in Seattle’s Capitol Hill neighborhood. Capitol Hill used to be a stronghold of the gay community, but straight people have lately been flooding in, and now there’s been a huge rise in anti-gay hate crimes.

      I hate to be exclusionary and seem to sink to the level of people who hate us, but this phenomenon of straight people taking over gay spaces needs to be nipped in the bud. It doesn’t matter if they support our rights or not: Until we have full legal equality in this country and those who mean us harm are all but banished to the furthest fringes of society, we need to have our own bars and our own neighborhoods.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:41 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Word

      I don’t know, I kind of like a nasty retched drunk straight girl, 123. –Dad

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:46 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • kevin (not that one)

      @123: Japhy/David: please ban this douche.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mark in Colorado

      No longer allowing bachelorette parties in gay bars is a prefectly reasonable business response. If your main clientiele are gay men, then satisfying that group should be the primary concern. Banning str8’s altogether, which I don’t believe was ever the issue, would be illegal. If I’m not mistaken Chicago has an anti-discrimination ordinance.

      However, I must be getting old, since I haven’t really been to the bars in years, I didn’t even know this kind of thing was going on. What a stupid-ass idea to allow bachelorette parties in the first place.

      A long ago now defunct gay bar in Boulder, Colorado died because what had been a safe, welcoming place for gay men became a nightmare. Sure, early on many of the str8 women who came to the bar minded their manners, but soon to follow were str8 men and more women who demonstrated nothing but bigotry towards the gay clientele. The now dead business owner, was a gay man. The money just was too powerful for that now long dead gay business owner to care that gay men were being driven out of what was originally established as a gay bar.

      For those who like a gay/straight mix, there are bars for that–go to them.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 10:52 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • strumpetwindsock

      Well if a club wants to have a bit of exclusivity one obvious route is a private club license.
      Anyone can come in, but he or she has to be signed in by a member… or have such a rule, but have nights when it is open to the public.
      That way there is no breach of discrimination rules.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Dan

      in australia there was a bit of contraversy about a year ago when a club succsessfully won the right to ban hetererosexual people, alot of people make the mistake thinking that if straight people could be banned then they would, that wasn’t how it worked at all, it just ment that the club could legally kick people out if the club started becoming predominatly straight on a particular night.

      because sometimes it was neccisary, hens night chicks bringing their boy friends just to gawk, on some nights there where more straight chicks on the dancefloor than gay guys.

      Some people argued that if gay clubs could do this why couldn’t straight clubs. Now these people are stupid, this happens all the time unofficially anyway. Bouncers will stop too many guys coming into a club because more money is spent in straight clubs with lots of attractive girls, gay people on the dancfloor get stared at and harrased and sometimes refused service at the bar.

      gay clubs are neccisary so that we have space to do what we want (drink, dance and pickup) girls takign over the dancefloor stop sus doing that. If straight bars allowed us to do what we wanted to do then we wouldn’t need gay bars.

      Mar 23, 2009 at 11:37 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • afrolito


      That was a bit over the top. Take it down 3..2..1…

      As a 25 yr old, i’m used to hanging out in mixed spaces, but there are definitely times and places for a little exclusivity.
      If i’m going to the COCK, the last thing I wanna do is bring along my best gal pal for drinks. For that we can go to VLADA.

      The idea of having a bachelorette party in a gay bar, is just too awful too visualize. It’s like the KKK having a rally at a black church. BAD IDEA.

      Banning anyone from any establishment based on race or orientation outright is just wrong, but a certain amount of segregation is only natural when it comes to sexuality. Sometimes you want to be in a space with your own kind, and there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as there is no hate involved.

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:13 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Nick

      I laughed so hard I cried at 123’s post.

      Dude is loony!

      Mar 24, 2009 at 12:53 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • geoff

      As someone who works in a straight bar, I can tell you we don’t exactly do a jig of glee when a bachelorette party storms the bar either. They are (for the most part)lousy tippers,loud,rude, and in general pains in the ass. I do see how in light of the fact that marriage inequality is a fact of life in almost every state,that throwing these parties in a gay bar is in especially poor taste. Having said that can we all agree that these parties suck for anyone who works in a bar in general? Thank you and God bless. And ladies,if you’re planning to throw these parties anyway, TIP THE DAMN BARTENDERS!!!!

      Mar 24, 2009 at 4:38 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • wiredpup

      I love my straight friends and girlfriends, but there are times where I need to be around nothing but hot sweaty men dancing on the dance floor without having to hear some drunk chicks going WHOOOOOO! Every two minutes.

      Mar 11, 2012 at 3:41 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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