No More Dreams For Baby Jesus!

Baptist Convention Boots Gay Friendly Church

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Holy calamity, scream insanity! There’s an unfortunate situation in North Carolina, where the state’s Baptist Convention booted the 1700-strong Myers Park Baptist Church for – you guessed it – loving the lavenders.

The Convention had previously voted not to welcome gays without an unwelcoming sexual conversion. Disobedient churches face expulsion from the Convention’s barren womb. Six churches opted-out last year, but the Myers Park gang wanted to plead their case. Senior minister Stephen Shoemaker attempted to make his case yesterday, invoking everyone’s favorite miracle: “Jesus welcomed those considered outcasts and sinners by his culture and religion. We hope we live in his spirit.”

Jesus may have risen for the dead, but he’s no match for the big man himself. Said convention leader Allan Blume: “As Baptists ..we are welcoming to everyone. But our convictions on the authority of Scripture call us to obey God.” Sorry Jesus, baby, God still has the final word. God to Jesus: “All you ever gonna be’s a great fan of me”.