fight! fight!

Bi Alaskan Guy Learns Copious Amounts of Alcohol + Machismo Can Lead to Violent Shovel Attacks

“wthulhu,” a user on the Digg-esque site Reddit, describes himself as bi/poly, 6’4, 210 pounds, and the wearer of pink clothing and makeup. He lives in Alaska and likes to head to the woods with friends for bonfires, where there’s usually alcohol involved. If this sounds like Levi Johnston’s Tuesday night, here’s the difference: wthulhu ran into a “Brad” and “Jake,” who decided to try to pummel his ass. Was this a gay bashing?

We’re not convinced. In a post titled “last night i was the nearly the victim of a hate crime, but instead they got their butts handed to them by a ‘faggot,'” he tells this violent tale:

several friends and i decided to have a bonfire out in the woods, which is a fairly typical activity up here in alaska. quite a lot of people showed up, and for many hours things where going great.

one guy that i’ve known for a couple years now gets a little feisty when he drinks, and often likes to tussle. everyone i’m close with knows that i abhor violence and know better than to try that kind of stuff with me.

pretty much out of nowhere i am pushed down, he and i roll around in the snow for a second and i manage to get his shirt over his head and pin him down. once i let him up he is in an absolute rage and he lunges at me. i’m still not sure exactly what lead him to do it, because he didn’t have the usual friendliness to the fighting that he usually would. things are a little more serious now, and i can hear another person screaming extraordinarily foul things from afar like ‘watch out ‘brad’, he’s trying to rape you’ this is really only serving to make it harder on ‘brad’ than it is on me because it’s just making me pissed. yet again i make quick work of manipulating him around, face down in the snow, knees in his shoulders. he finally taps out and i let him up.

i’m still pretty worked up, i turn around and point to the trash-talker (‘jake’) and tell him if he doesn’t keep his mouth shut he’ll be next. he says nothing, i grab a smoke and continue on with my evening. about a half hour later ‘jake’ throws a full can of beer at my chest, at this point i have calmed down a bit and surprisngly enough i let that slide. pacifism ftw.

unfortuneatly this is not where things stop. later i’m walking around the group when suddenly both ‘brad’ and ‘jake’ jump me from behind. right now i am glad for two things; 1) they are drunk, i’m not and 2) i’m a pretty large guy (6’4″ 210lbs).

i still don’t know how i feel about this, part of me likes what happened but deep inside i know it’s not something i should get joy from. ‘jake’, i have in a head lock, and ‘brad’ i have by his hair slamming his head into a wall. a third person jumps on my back in order to break up the fight and we all fall to the ground. ‘brad’ gets away while i’m kneeing ‘jake’ in the sack, and jamming my thumbs into his eye sockets. this is the only point that they (or rather ‘brad’) manage to land a decent punch, and i have a pretty nice shiner to show for it.

finally people have managed to pull us all apart, but i’m still pretty worked up. i’m screaming for them to let us go, that i’ll handle the two of ’em. ‘jake’ picks up a shovel and comes charging at me. i don’t know who it was that pulled the shovel out of his hands, but i’m sure i owe them one. that could have gone real bad real fast.

as a finale ‘brad’ is still coming at me, while there are at least three people pushing us away from each other, i give him a decent punch to the jaw and he just hits the ground. this is pretty much the end of the night, obviously. several people walk with me to my place. we crack out to sonic the hedgehog for a couple hours. to make things even better i get a call from their roommate – apparently they’re trying to convince him to join them in coming back to ‘take care of business’.

Sounds, uh, fun? Except as one commenter notes: “So where is the part where it was because you were gay?” Heh, yeah. It can’t be a gay bashing without the G-factor!

To which wthulhu responds: “well, i’m not closeted at all – and pretty much everyone knows about my sexual proclivities. I wear pink, makeup, and wear a legalize gay marriage tshirt. i guess i’m just assuming that due to the venomous vitriol being spewed during the first encounter that it had something to do with it. plus, why else would two guys find it necessary to jump on one guy when his back is turned?”

Or maybe two drunk guys were in a mood to start some shit and went after you, and you just happened to be queer? Because sometimes a fight among three guys is just a fight among three guys. You know what happens when you assume: You make an ass out of you and actual gay bashing victims.