HORSE $%&@!

Cowboy Church Claims Homosexual “Addiction” Can Be Cured By Stroking Horses

horseIf you’ve ever fantasized about straddling a bucking bronco, be careful: A Southern Baptist preacher claims riding horses can change you from gay to straight.

The Cowboy Church of Virginia is selling Equine Assisted Psychotherapy, which pastor Raymond Bell says “can help any person who is living the homosexual lifestyle or involved in it in any way.”

Bell tells Gay Star News that homosexuality doesn’t actually need a cure because it’s not a disease: It’s a “choice” stemming from low self-esteem, abandonment, a lack of male role models or even rape. The idea is that working with horses will make men more self-confident and masculine.

Horse therapy has legitimate therapeutic uses, most notably with autism, but this is the first time we’ve heard of “neighing” the gay away.

 

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1u4CXlIYjyE]

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24 Comments

  • balehead

    Very ridiculous!! But Horses are super awesome!!

  • sech

    which part of a horse are they talking about?

  • GreatGatsby2011

    I rode horses throughout my childhood and I’m still gayer than Christmas soooo… this guy’s full of it.

  • 2eo

    Raymond Bell has sex with horses.

  • jwrappaport

    If there’s one thing that exacerbates my homosexual addiction, it’s stroking horses. Well, in a manner of speaking.

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Sheep, all over Virginia, are breathing a sigh of relief.

  • vistadelrey

    If Cowboy church’s theory were valid… the Gay Rodeo would No longer exist.

  • NormdePlume

    Well, to be fair, that’s no more ridiculous than the other things southern baptists believe.

  • Shadeaux

    Stroking a horse just makes me want a stud!

  • Cory

    Im not sure sarah jessica parker would appreciate all the attention

  • Richie4360

    I definitely have “low self-esteem, abandonment issues and had a lack of male role models” as a boy. I hope that I will continue to heal these wounds. I suspect, however, that once I’m in a healthier place, I will not become a heterosexual man – just a more well-adjusted homosexual guy :)

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    @Richie4360:
    I agree. That is my life.

    I see being gay as my Psyches way of healing from these things; certainly we had a pre-disposition towards being gay or bisexual but environmental factors may have not have otherwise triggered. That propensity is wired-in by nature from the get-go; we’re just lucky that it didn’t come as a shock years later after unhappy marriages.

    This doesn’t apply to the vast majority of gay people, many who had happy childhoods etc, who would’ve become screamers no matter what;p

    Does it still count as gay if your’e horse-fucking a boy horse?

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    @2eo:
    Gadzooks, man! The inhuman possessor of such prodigious testicularity would need to secure them with bicycle clips to avoid everyday mishap! Alas ’tis the ultimate ignominious fate of many a scrotum to attain an the ability to be tuckable into a sock..but THIS scenario is altogether all too monstrous!

    I am almost certain that your anatomical description is entirely unfeasible; however I am willing to reconsider on the basis that you submit video evidence of such equine/human biomechanical symbiosis; towards the greater ends of science, you understand.

    Regards
    Professor sugarlumps

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    @PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID: Should read:” The SUPERHUMAN possessor of such prodigious testicularity…”

    Either way, it’s all a lot of balls.

  • balehead

    All the comments prove that funny people still read Queerty!! A Job well done!!!

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Applejack; Rainbow Dash; Twilight Sparkle.
    – Case dismissed!

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    Mr Ed and Wilbur… I mean c’mon

  • PRINCE OF SNARKNESS aka DIVKID

    The Trojan Horse!
    – The clues are all there: insides permenantly stuffed with hot sweaty Greek men AND for good measure being named in honor of a condom!

    So there you have it, horses are super gay and not just the ones with wings and a twirly horn.

  • Dionte

    Don’t let them steal your magik.

  • Charles175

    Lets all sing together the horse song: A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
    And no one can talk to a horse of course
    That is, of course, unless the horse is the famous Mr. Ed.

    Go right to the source and ask the horse
    He’ll give you the answer that you’ll endorse.
    He’s always on a steady course.
    Talk to Mr. Ed.

    People yakkity yak a streak and waste your time of day
    But Mister Ed will never speak unless he has something to say.

    A horse is a horse, of course, of course,
    And this one’ll talk ’til his voice is hoarse.
    You never heard of a talking horse?

    Well listen to this.

    I am Mister Ed.

    source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/

  • Larry McD

    @1EqualityUSA: Bwahahahahahahaha!

  • Samuel

    You have got to be careful though; If your ride the horse too long, the homsexual in you might want to ride the Cowboy.
    Disclaimer: These therapies have brought relief to millions of homosexuals but one must be careful so as to not indulge in them… which the homosexual is prone to …least it have opposite effects.

  • goweho

    It’s a shame that churches debase entire lives with snake-oil cures like horse petting. Some say gays are caused by early childhood trauma, others say there’s a gene. I think it’s complicated, a mixture of all of it, and in some cases yes a personal choice. It’s all of the above and none of the above, because nobody truly knows. I thik someone should mail this preacher a pile of horse you-know-what… it might make him think more clearly.

Comments are closed.