David Thorne, the hilarious fella who turned one co-worker’s request that he design a missing pet poster into an insta-classic web meme full of dry sarcasm, doesn’t restrict his wry written responses to cat ladies. He also helpfully responds to his fans that call him a “foggot.”
Thorne is the man behind the website 27b/6, where innocent correspondence between he and other human beings quickly delves into the nonsensical. His exchanges are — and I don’t use this term lightly — laugh-out-loud funny. So when, earlier this month, a one George Lewis emailed David a one-line message (“I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot”), I knew I’d soon be peeing myself.
Explains David:
Sometimes people email me to tell me how their day is going, other times they email me to tell me that I am a dickhead and my website is stupid which I am already aware of due to many preceding emails stating the same thing. I don’t harbor behind a fake name and my email address is clearly listed so it is a simple process for people like George to express their opinion to me but as I never initiate an email correspondence, simply reply, I am not always sure why they bother. If I was hetroflexible, I am pretty sure I would already be aware of the fact and if I’m not, stating that I am is in error so either way it is a pointless exercise. I don’t email random people telling them that they have a pet cat named Charles on the off chance they do and are not aware of it.
Read from the top on down.
From: George Lewis
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 6.51pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: No Subject
I have read your website and it is obviously that your a foggot.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 8.07pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: No Subject
Dear George,
Thank you for your email. While I have no idea what a foggot is, I will assume it is a term of endearment and appreciate you taking time out from calculating launch trajectories or removing temporal lobe tumors to contact me with such. I have attached a signed photo as per your request.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 8.49pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: No Subject
I didnt ask for a photo fag. and I meant faggot you homo. im not a fan so you can shove your signed photo up your ass. You would probably enjoy that. LOL!!!! Go suck your boyfriends dick in a gay club.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 9.17pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
Dear George,
While I do not have a boyfriend, I do have a friend who is homosexual and I once asked him “Do you ever think about having sex with me because you are gay?” to which he replied “Do you ever think about having sex with Rosie O’Donnell because you are straight? Same thing.” If I was inclined to have a boyfriend, I would select one my height and weight to save having to readjust the driver’s seat position. I am not interested in doubling my wardrobe as I wear the same outfit everyday to facilitate speedy identification should I ever be in a boating accident.
Although I have never been to a gay club as such, when I was about ten, a friend and I constructed a club house in my backyard using timber stolen from a building site down the street. Our club, which we named ‘The Kiss Club’ due to a certain band being popular at the time, employed an intensive entry exam in which the applicant had to know all the words to Love Gun and not be a girl. As we had no other friends and knew no girls apart from my sister, this made sense at the time. The next day after school, having managed to recruit several new members by promising laminated membership cards and changing the entry exam to ‘knowing the names of the band members’, we all rode to my place to partricipate in our first club meeting only to discover my sister, outraged by the ‘no girls’ rule and armed with four litres of paint left over from a recent bedroom redesign, had painted the clubhouse pink and added ‘ing’ to the end of the word ‘Kiss’.
Also, despite your inference, I have managed, up to this point, to avoid putting most things in my bottom. Primarily due to the possibility that I might enjoy it, get carried away, and move on to watermelons or midsize family autos. When I was about eight, I drew a face on my hand and practiced kissing it, which I will admit is a little gay, and I have often thought there would be advantages to homosexuality such as Abercrombie & Fitch reward points, successful couch fabric selection capabilities and the gift of dance. With or without a top on. This would come in extremely useful if I needed five hundred dollars and saw a poster advertising a dance competition with a first prize of five hundred dollars.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 9.33pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
If you livd close by gaycunt I would be over your place with five friends tonight.
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 2 September 2010 10.08pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
Dear George,
I knew we would get along well. We have only known each other for one day and already you are organising a party. I am not sure where Gaycunt is but if I did “livd close by” to it, I would definitely be up for that.
We could all sit outside on banana lounges discussing the best way to rebuild a 4WD transmission and agree, through shared stories of conquests supporting our assertions, that there is no basis to the proposition that those least assured of their persuasions are the first to condemn others for theirs. Although the ideal would be for everyone to be capable of love without fear, restraint, or obligation, clearly this does not apply to homosexuals.
At no time during the night would you comment on how much you liked my Abercrombie & Fitch pants or ask “is that a Marcel Breuer couch? I love the fabric selection” and when we danced, we would all leave our tops on.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 1.18pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: No Subject
no fag I live in Charleston west virginia the best country in the world. I wasnt sying it would be a party. we would smash your fucking skull in and if you are calling me a fag you can get fucked becasue I have a girlfriend.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 1.56pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Yeehaw y’all
Dear George,
Is she also your sister? I checked out her photos on your Facebook page and while she is not exactly my type, I accept that other people have different preferences. Even when those preferences include facial tattoos and stretch pants constructed from sufficient material to shelter a small village. And their livestock. Some men enjoy dancing with other men without their tops on while others prefer the company of a woman two KFC family buckets away from upsetting the planet’s rotational axis.
I read somewhere that Eskimos prefer women of girth as it provides warmth at night. I have seen the size of those igloos though and there is no way your girlfriend would make it through the opening. You could probably just construct one around her and despite the hassle of having to trudge out into the snow every day to catch and prepare the eighty seals required to maintain her mass, it would be like a kiln in there.
If I were an Eskimo, I would build my igloo next to a supermarket or on a tropical beach.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.01pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Yeehaw y’all
She isnt fat you fag. and that she got that tattoo is a teardrop becasue her family is dead.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.06pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Yeehaw y’all
Did she eat them?
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 2.32pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y’all
Get fucked fag her family they died in a traffic accident. have some respect. Go put some more gel in your hair and dye it balck like a emo skinny fag. And how can you see my facebook page pictures?
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 3.02pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y’all
Dear George,
Yes, I have heard those motorhomes can be a bitch to steer. Especially around tight corners during a police chase or moonshine run.
I will concede to fifty percent of your description of me as a “skinny fag” being correct. If our bodies are temples, mine would be a heavily shelled Iranian mosque express. To rectify this, I have instigated a fitness and weight training regime. Once a week I carry two heavy garbage bags out to the sidewalk and jog back. As this week was my first session and I did not want to over exert myself, I took the car. Obviously with a few breaks in between to re-hydrate and stretch.
Although hardly an emo, I understand their pain. If I looked in the mirror and saw an anorexic version of Pugsly Adams staring back at me I would probably start cutting myself as well. I will admit to having dyed my hair once though. The product, misrepresented as ‘Natural Black’ instead of ‘Astro Boy black’, turned my hair as dark as an adequate simile describing just how black it actually was and stained my forehead and ears purple. In an attempt to blend the colour, I rubbed the remainder of the mixture onto my face, figuring it might look like a tan. I spent the following two weeks telling people that I could not leave the house due to agoraphobia, an illness usually self-diagnosed by the unemployed as an excuse to stay home and masturbate or play Wii.
I have access to your Facebook page due to the friend request you accepted from the Oscar Wilde profile I constructed yesterday. I assumed the name would hold no relevance to you and, consistency being the last refuge of the unimaginative, I typed ‘Redneck wearing baseball cap’ into google images to locate a photo you would identify and feel comfortable with.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 4.48pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Yeehaw y’all
Thats fraud. I will report you to the police and to facebook fag. i would shoot you in the face with my .32 if you were here right now.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 5.19pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: tarded
Dear George,
Yes, I’m fairly certain there is a worldwide criminal investigation network dedicated solely to bringing those who construct fake Facebook profiles to justice. I believe the punishment is tar and feathering in most parts of the world except West Virginia where you are stripped naked, oiled up and chased around a paddock while wearing a pig mask.
Apparently in West Virginia, this is also known as a ‘date’. Variations include substituting the paddock with a motorhome or the person with an actual pig. Or in your case, both.
Also, as it is probably far more acceptable for men in West Virginia to hold guns than hands, I will assume the term ‘shooting me in the face with your .32’ is not a euphemism.
Regards, David.
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.04pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: tarded
Ive deleted you from my facebook and reported you. i hope you die of aids fag. Dont bothering emailing me again becasue I wont read it.
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.12pm
To: George Lewis
Subject: dneck
Yes you will.
From: George Lewis
Date: Friday 3 September 2010 7.16pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: dneck
No I fucking wont fag
Chris
Last email SLAYS me!
wannabegay2
omg! LOL for real! that’s freakin funny! cannot believe this!!!!
Mr. Enemabag Jones
Yeah, funny. But you know some Charleston queer was harrased, or bashed, because of Mr. Thorne’s desire to entertain himself.
Bill
Unreal – hysterical and tragic all at once. And I agree with @3 – no doubt this hick took his frustration out on someone.
Jonathan Swift
@Mr. Enemabag Jones:
I don’t think we need to worry about that, since his email exchanges are made up. They’re David Thorne conversing with a character made up by David Thorne.
scott ny'er
that’s hilarious. I loved the cat one, but this is good too.
Does no 1 get Politikz? (John from England)
@Mr. Enemabag Jones:
You’ve said some comments here that have no doubt led to a boat load of f*gs been shat upon.
In fact the existence of a gay blog simply rallies any homophobe into disturbing foam at the mouth and angry self hate behaviour.
So hopefully you struggle to sleep at night in that glass house?
Soupy
I love the smug, “Yes you will”.
Bobby in Seattle
I actually love and have read David Thorne’s site for some time now. He has a great perspective on human nature, and can easily observe the humor in the stupidity of others.
Gotta love someone with that kind of talent.
Jamie
David Thorne is one of the funniest writers on the internet today. The whole website is just gold. And he may be kind of geek but he is a cute geek. I would tap that.
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
no fag I live in Charleston west virginia the best country in the world. I wasnt sying it would be a party. we would smash your fucking skull in and if you are calling me a fag you can get fucked becasue I have a girlfriend.
Thats fraud. I will report you to the police and to facebook fag. i would shoot you in the face with my .32 if you were here right now.
Ya gots to love the negative intelligence factor of this yahoo. He is first gonna smash David’s skull and then he somehow conjures up “fraud” in his empty cranium and is going to report David to the police, and then shoot him in the face…………
Maybe he needs to consult his legal team to see about making threats of physical violence which kinda sorta trumps the “fraud” charges :p
Jon
Thorne is either one of the best parody writers we’ve seen in years, or. . .
. .He’s one of the best parody writers we’ve seen in years.
Oh, never mind. . . He’s funnier than Hell.
Hell isn’t supposed to be funny? Damn, I’m screwed.
NAP79
Man I hope this is real. This guy is the Teabaggers primary base. A real gem!
The Milkman
Priceless. Just priceless.
Jon
but then. .. hey Queerty: don’t just copy/paste the entire text/photo from someone elses work.
Generating page views much?
Enron
It seems there are a lot of folks in Virginia who in the dark ages. After watching Oprah episode with Mike Sisco and the way person’s in that community treated him in 1987, it seems things have certainly not changed.
Loved and enjoyed Davids control throughout the entire exchange. Wish there were more people like him in this world.
Dennis
“Did she eat them?”
hahahahahahhaha! “a woman two KFC buckets away from upsetting the Earth’s rotational axis”!!! LMFHO! Of course, that twit he was emailing doesn’t know what a rotational axis is, but still…
Oh, I know it’s kind of mean to torment online inbreds and assorted halfwit neanderthals, but sometimes you just have to have some fun…just ‘becasue’ there are way too many idiots out there on parade.
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@Does no 1 get Politikz? (John from England):
You’ve said some comments here that have no doubt led to a boat load of f*gs been shat upon.
Care to provide some examples of my comments that have gotten LGBTQ’s “shat upon”, John?
In fact the existence of a gay blog simply rallies any homophobe into disturbing foam at the mouth and angry self hate behaviour.
So that justifies a straight man gay baiting for humour, how exactly?
So hopefully you struggle to sleep at night in that glass house?
Is that a statement, or a question?
Mr. Enemabag Jones
@Mr. Enemabag Jones:
I love how my comment has generated so many thumbs down. I guess we don’t like to be reminded that queers get bashed. And that it occasionally happens for retribution stemming from some other perceived slight.
@Jonathan Swift:
I hope you’re right.
Dan
I can stop surfing the internet now, for nothing shall ever top this thread.
Jonathan Swift
This is fake. Want proof?
Read this line from the “American” George:
“i would shoot you in the face with my .32”
A .32 caliber is not a common caliber in the USA, and most would pass it over for the .22 and .38. It is, however, popular in the UK, and extremely popular in–wait for it–Australia, where David Thorne is located. The Walther PPK .32, and the Beretta .32’s, being examples of .32’s popular with, and known by Australians.
Now, is it a coincidence that an Australian, corresponding with an American, would be threatened by an American with a .32 caliber, which is not popular in the USA, but is popular in Australia? Too much of a coincidence.
BenR
@ Jonathan Swift
As an American gun owner, I was a little intrigued as to what this “George Lewis” might have been referring. I thought maybe he was just that dumb, but your explanation seems pretty plausible too.
troublein212
@Jonathan Swift:
um… did you really think this is an actual series of emails?
real or not, it’s funny. check out his site. david thorne is hilarious.
Jonathan Swift
@troublein212:
No, I didn’t think this was real. Comment No. 3 was concerned that a gay person might be attacked by this George Lewis. I just wanted to put his mind at ease.
That said, Laurel & Hardy are hilarious. David Thorne is amusing.
Jonathan Swift
@BenR:
The funny thing is, the .32 caliber round was created in the US, by John Browning, but never really became popular with Americans. It’s becoming a bit more popular today, because it suits compact carry weapons, many of which are dirt cheap. Even the .380 is more popular than the .32, but the .380 still gets passed over for the .38, leaving the .32 far down the list.
Silver
I noticed the caliber issue myself. A true redneck of the sort being portrayed here would have at least a .38 if not a .357 magnum or perhaps a Glock 17 (which they probably bought stolen). However, the argument can be cut even closer to the quick than that- the redneck in question would never have bothered to specify caliber; it would have stopped at “shoot you in the face.” Still a good read though.
McMike
OK, so 20 people, supposedly, disagreed with posting #3 & #4. Queerty needs to wake the f*ck up and either figure out a way to make sure someone doesn’t keep hijacking their rating system or get rid of it altogether.
btw, I am beyond looking forward to the day some guy grows the balls to spout this homophobic crap to my face. Sorry, but homophobes are the biggest cowards around.
ChrisM
Yeah, these emails are definitely not real. It’s sad, the ones I read were really funny. But even the dumbest person would figure out Thorne was making fun of them before most of these supposed email exchanges end.
Still, it’s funny that even Australians know that most West Virginians are just a bunch of hicks.
JoeyO'H
Funny funny stuff!! I can’t stop laughing even after I spilled coffee all over me.
Soupy
Sounds like David Sedaris…
Jake the libertarian
@Jonathan Swift: Im from the US and a proud gay owner of a Kel Tec .32 caliber pistol. Granted, its kind of a cheap piece of shit…. and I have others that I like more… but .32 is a perfectly normal caliber for an idiot from West VA to have shoved in the front of his sweatpants
Soupy
Please don’t tell me that there is a gay gun lobby in the U.S….
B
Re 21: “A .32 caliber is not a common caliber in the USA, and most would pass it over for the .22 and .38.” According to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colt_Model_1903_Pocket_Hammerless the Colt Model 1903 was a .32 caliber gun very popular during World War II.
Maybe the guy mentioning it is way older than John McCain.
Aside from that, if you are called a “foggot”, tell them you are not from San Francisco (emphasis on “fog”) and prefer sunny days.
Jake the libertarian
@Soupy: Sure there is! I am a gay guy and I am an Iraq war vet, and well trained in firearms. I own a bunch of them. I have a license to carry a concealed weapon. I love the fact that I live in a country that recognizes my right to protect myself from gay bashers, thieves, and other people who would hurt or kill me because of who I am. My question to you sir, is why don’t you?
Soupy
I’m Canadian. We don’t have a “right” to bear arms and I don’t want one. But have fun with yours.
wondering
I bet if this was a real exchange than this would be the guy.
He looks angry and stupid enough.
http://wvjails.info/?BookingID=999001794