Here’s a cautionary tale whether you’re gay or straight, or as our protagonist seems to be, ehh a little bit of both.
We’ll have to travel back to a more rudimentary time, when logging onto the internet was a process that meant enduring some truly horrific noises, Nintendo 64 was the latest and greatest in gaming technology, and “Tumblr porn” would have meant you had a thing for acrobats. That last point, now that we mention it, doesn’t sound too bad.
The year is 1996, and Jimmy (ed. note: we don’t know his name so we’re going to call him Jimmy, just go with it) is a fresh-faced 20-year-old working a dead end job doing security at a gated community. It was the mid-’90s after all — if you didn’t have a McMansion, how would people know you were important?
Once night Jimmy got an innocent sounding offer — provide some additional security for a “house party,” make some extra scratch. Not a bad deal.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
He quickly realized that the party was actually a cover for a professional porn shoot. What gave it away? Probably all the naked people having sex in front of cameras, but who’s to say really? Jimmy did his job without gawking too much, and was rewarded for his discretion with a regular gig.
And like a true Hollywood fairytale, a director plucked him from obscurity. “Hey kid!” we imagine him saying, cigar muffling his consonants. “You wanna be in the pictures?”
As Jimmy tells it:
“I was 20, looked about 14 under the right conditions, (clean shaven, and in right clothes). He asked if I did acting, told me if I was willing to give it a try he’d pay me $1000/day, I made $200/wk at my current job. He sweet talked me, $1000 to have sex with a beautiful woman. I had only had sex with two girls at that point, and I told him that. He seemed happy to know I was, ‘fresh.'”
Well he did it, though to his initial shock he’d been cast in a “mother/son” incest fantasy. Still, the money was right.
After four days of filming, the work suddenly stopped. But Jimmy had caught the bug (no, not chlamydia). He was hungry for more, and after a month of radio silence, contacted the director seeking more work.
“He said he didn’t have any more work like that but if I was willing to try something else he could get me some work. I said I’d try anything, I should have clarified that. He got me a job, a one day shoot on the other side of the state he said they were eager to work with me so I drove over there.”
It’s easy to laugh at this point; you know he meant gay porn, don’tcha Jimmy boy? But internet porn wasn’t what it is today. If you weren’t actively seeking something out, it was a lot easier to remain oblivious.
Jimmy arrived at the shoot and said no way. The director asked what it would take, and Jimmy came up with $5,000. “How about $2,500?” asked the director. They settled on $3,000. Jimmy wasn’t a great negotiator.
“I drove home $3000 richer, with a very sore asshole. After that I had work almost every weekend for the next year and a half. I finally stopped when I met a girl and figured she would never love a guy who fucked more guys than she had. I’ve never told my wife, I was her second and I have no idea how many people I’ve slept with, onscreen and off.
Next month is our 18th anniversary.”
Despite the obvious moral questions, he’s come away from the experience learning one solid life lesson that other straight guys would be wise to consider:
“I’m not gay, but gay sex can still feel really good. Prostate stimulation feels awesome.”
Now 19 years later, Jimmy doesn’t know if he should continue holding onto his secret as tightly as he must have clenched that first day bottoming. Perhaps that’s why he posted such an elaborate anonymous confession.
He worries (for good reason) that his wife, who he describes as “very reserved,” would freak out upon discovering that her husband had a budding porn career.
Does Jimmy have a responsibility to tell her? He says he only quit the industry four months before his wedding. What happens if/when his wife finds out another way?
Or can the past really stay in the past?
“I don’t really see sex as gay and straight. There is just sex. At least my remorse has fueled a desire to make it up to my wife, even after all these years I still feel I owe her for what I did. I try to be the best husband I can.”
Cobalt Blue
His past stinks. Everyone that is involved with porn has a deranged mind and wouldn’t be involved with people outside porn or prostitution. Good and fair people don’t do such things.
Sammy Schlipshit
Dude, keep your mouth shut. Spilling the beans at this point in your marriage is sure fire divorce material.
Nada….
mmichael_24
Ummmm yeah of course tell her
musctop
Nope. Bury that shit. Bury it with a shovel, and then bury the shovel. I would never tell anybody I was close with–ESPECIALLY a woman who will hold that over his head into the great beyond.
SteveDenver
Eighteenth Anniversary?
If she hasn’t found out by now, she might not be in the right circles. If she does find out, tell her you didn’t come clean because you thought it would upset her.
Xzamilio
Please… if y’all have been together for 18 years, this woman is either content with your porn past because she HAS to know, or she is the dumbest woman on the face of the earth who must not have any friends, or no kids, or friends with no kids, or stupid friends, or has just heard of the internet. Because I guarantee you, somebody who knows somebody’s cousin’s brother’s best friends’ fiance’s gay older Pilates instructor has seen him in a video and that VHS/DVD is floating on Redtube somewhere.
transiteer
Keep your secret and stay ‘the best husband that I can” – otherwise you’ll likely be the best ex-husband you can. It’s a no-brainer.
Caine
Gay porn does not pay that much. I suspect mucho BS.
Realitycheck
Assuming it is all true, the guy did the right thing at the time,
met girl, stopped performing, and they have a great 18 years relationship.
So, why tell now? She would only be hurt, again this happen before they
married.
It sounds to me like he is trying to relieve some inner guilt and in so doing
she will be hurt and possibly it will end their relationship.
demented
I wonder if the people posting here would say the same thing, “keep the secret bc she’ll dump you!”, if it were a secret other than gay porn, or if the people involved were a same sex couple…
mydude
He should tell her. It’s long in the past and she’s a grown woman who should be able to get over it. It happened a long time ago.
That said, I’m always amused by people who scream how not gay they are, yet they’re fucking more men than I ever could. Then if you ask if they’re bisexual; still a loud NO.
At least he admits he liked(s) having sex with men…
tazz602
Worse thing that can happen is for her, or worse, your kids find out. A lot of older pre-digital porn is becoming digitized on websites, it’s really only a matter of time before she does find out. Do it now before she learns on her own. Take whatever happens as a life lesson, hopefully she will take the last 18 years into account and continue to love you.
TemptyK
Never. Sleeping dogs!
Arcamenel
If you had stopped before you two were dating I’d say keep your mouth shut, but you were doing it up until four months before the wedding. I assume you didn’t get married after four months of dating so you definitely should tell her and apologize profusely for keeping it a secret for so long. Make sure she understand that you haven’t done anything since you’ve been married(or the four months prior to that).
After you’ve done that, prepare for the worst possible outcome which is her leaving you.
rand503
If she finds out and leaves him, she is a jerk and a c***. Why? Because he is the exact same person he was two minutes before he told her, and there is something any one can do about it anyway. She is entitled to br angry that it took him 18 years to tell her. That indicates a lack of trust in her in fact, his insecurity today arises from the fact that she might leave him over such a long ago fact.
Inwould say, if you have to get it off your chest, and you want to be the honorable guy, tell her. Do it for YOUR sake, not hers. Yu have no control over how she reacts. If she insists on leaving you, insist upon couples therapy first.
No mention of kids. If kids are present and minors, them she should at least have the courtesy to wait until they are grown up before seeking a divorce. If they are grown up, they will likely think this a ridiculous reason to divorce Dad.
Now, yes, i can understand this would be a shock to the wife, and she is entitled to hurt feelings, and he should pay for what ever counseling she needs to get past this. But she is not entitled to break up a family because she has hurt feelings over something that happened almost a generation ago.
Bubbleandsqueal
TMI, Senator Cotton.
wade.l
Do not believe everything you read. Over 70 movies and nobody knows…Give me a break.
tford216
@rand503 please refrain from using the c***. She can just be a jerk. Second she has a right to feel however she wants to about his past and she is in no way duty bound to stay with him for the kids. I think he should tell her the truth. Maybe he really wants to go back to banging dudes and wants a way out or maybe he wants a way to open their relationship.
Captain Obvious
For the people who think it’s ok to lie to a spouse, lets flip it. Do you think you deserve to have your spouse lie and keep things from you?
Somehow I doubt the answer will be as easy because no one in their right mind wants a bunch of huge lies and secrets from a spouse. No one deserves it.
Chris
If the reason to tell her is to clear your consience, don’t. That would be selfish.
If it’s because this secret is interfering with your marriage and she is confused by what might be wrong, then you should. If you think it is a matter of time before she (or your children) find out, then you should.
This should not be about you; it should be about your spouse, your family and your relationship. Only you can answer that question.
bigrawtop
The shocking part is that she never found out. Producers who cast straight men are exploiting them if they let them believe that no one will ever know.
slinky49
He should tell her, then she should dump him and they should each spend the rest of their lives alone and miserable, wracked with guilt and regret. It is what God wants.
Clark35
Typical biphobia from queerty. He should tell her but why wouldn’t you tell someone this while you were dating them or before you were married?
Liam
If he’s already married to her, and especially if she’s conservative, don’t tell her as she’ll milk his ~betrayal~ of her for as much sympathy as possible while spewing misandric defamation as far as she can.
Liam
@Cobalt Blue: Deranged? Only in your sour opinion.