Prom season is upon us — well not us per se, we’re as old as the sun — but for high schools across the country, it’s like, kind of a big deal.
For LGBT kids, the dream can become something of a nightmare. All that focus on boy/girl couples and that perfect image of masculine/feminine can leave kids who don’t fit the mold feeling like they’re left out to dry.
But the times they are a-changin’, and as the U.S. finally looks poised to cross the hurdle of marriage equality, we expect experiences like the ones below to become much less few and far between. And that’s a beautiful thing.
These five stories give us hope that great things are on the horizon:
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Connecticut High School Crowns First Gay Male Prom Queen
A high school in Danbury, CT, made local history as it crowned the first gay male prom queen in the school’s history. Students from Danbury High School gave a standing ovation as Nasir Fleming took the stage at the Matrix Center to accept the crown. “I was shocked to see how awesome and supportive my peers are,” Fleming told Queerty. “I received a decent amount of negative backlash, so I was surprised when I won.” He added, “My main reason for wanting to win prom queen is to show the school, and hopefully the world, that if a spunky, odd gay kid can win prom queen, then anyone can! This message is mainly for transgendered people, because they seem to face so much backlash for simply being themselves. If I can win a title that is out of my gender, anyone else should be able to, including transgendered people.”
Straight Teen Asks His Gay Best Friend To Prom
In case you just returned from your annual vacation from under a rock, a straight teen recently made headlines for asking his gay best friend to prom. It was pretty damn cute. “You’re hella gay, I’m hella str8, but you’re like my brother, so be my d8?” said the oversized banner invitation. The story went viral, with everyone from Ellen to Teen Vogue to Davey Wavy jumping in to share support. Oh, and the night was a success.
Transgender Student Crowned Prom Queen At Boston Area High School
Middleboro High School senior Cody Tubman was “all smiles” when crowned prom queen at her Boston-area high school’s prom. Tubman, who began identifying as transgender in ninth grade, says she feels “confident and comfortable” in her body, and has received nothing but support from fellow classmates and teachers. Congratulations, Cody! Though your reign may be over by now, the positivity you’re spreading will surely live on forever.
Two Gay Teen Athletes Share High School Prom Pics, Melt Hearts
There was a time not too long ago that coming out in high school meant facing certain doom, but these two high school athletes are stepping out into the light and proving that the world keeps turning. Michael Martin and his boyfriend Logan Westrope shared a batch of prom photos that made us nostalgic for days past, until we remembered our high school prom. Now we’re just happy for them, and other couples like them. Head here for more photos.
Texas School Relents, Allows Trans Student To Wear A Dress To Prom
WhenGeorge “Tony” Zamazal asked to turn it out as a female and — more importantly, a lady — at the prom, the assistant principal refused, telling her that “women wore dresses, and men wore tuxedos.” Tony then asked the principal, who said she would have to consult the school board because it would be a “community decision.” That’s when the ACLU intervened with a letter explaining that both federal law and the U.S. Constitution protect Tony’s right to wear a dress to prom. Weeks later, Spring School District responded with a letter stating that Tony will be allowed to “wear her choice of feminine attire” as long as it complies with the “prom dress code enforced for all students, specifically female students.” In Texas, mind you. We salute you, Tony.
Dakotahgeo
By golly, times ARE changing… and only for the good! Congrats, to all of the baove!
hyhybt
“Prom season is upon us”— Not around here. Graduation was last week or next week, depending on the school.
1898
That’s great!
SteveDenver
Congratulations to these lovely kids. They represent changing attitudes and times.
When my aunt was in high school in 1965, a couple of brothers who were new to the small rural town wore long hair. They were barred from the prom unless they cut their hair. In a twist, the student body of 150 kids voted them both Prom King and stood outside the prom entrance until they could get in. When the popular kids were the first to turn away and head for their cars, the principal caved.
I feel like that is how all the schools who are mean to GLBT students will be viewed in the not-too-distant future. That’s all it is: being mean and ugly about something that should be happy and memorable.
Dakotahgeo
@SteveDenver: AMEN! It’s about past time!
Derek Williams
A wonderful good news story I can only hope becomes commonplace to the point where it’s no longer news.
KentuckyGent
I am in awe at how things have changed for the better since my days as a high schooler in the 70s. These kids are trailblazers who are to be commended for their courage. Even more important, the peers who don’t share the same sexual identities yet still support them are testimony to the effect that members of my generation who are now parents and have taught their children that the gender of the person they and their friends love is completely irrelevant to all other aspects of who they are. I am incredibly proud to have been witness to such an amazing societal change.
Jacob23
It’s offensive to lump Michael Martin and Anthony Martinez in with transgenders. Martin and Martinez are boys. They are not prom queens and do not want to be thought of as girls. Yet for some reason we are told that it is progressive to lump them in with people who have these gender issues. That’s the sick, reactionary logic of “LGBT” which replicates the homophobic stereotypes of gay-as-gender-confused and gay-man-as-wannabe-woman.
JayneEyre
@Jacob23:
Offensive my fat arse. This story is about inclusion, acceptance vs. tolerance, and celebrating the big strides that these remarkable teens have made. There’s nothing offensive about INCLUDING Michael Martin and Anthony Martinez in this group of kids. They’re not the only non-transgender individuals mentioned, if you’d get off your high horse long enough to see. The only thing sick and reactionary that anyone here is seeing is your ranting over nothing.
Dakotahgeo
@JayneEyre: THANK YOU! Right on the mark!
wpewen
@JayneEyre: No, although I’m empathetic to what you say, if I were younger and in this group I would have to give Jacob23 the nod. I’m a 57 year old gay guy, came out at 18 in LA, and was always ticked off that the gay community kept trying to stick us into stereotypes, even though by that time we were busting through them. I don’t identify with females, don’t have feelings that can’t be expressed through simply stating I’m a man who likes other men period. I never had all these issues about gender confusion and I’m getting burnt on hearing I am in with those who do. Yes, I’m one of those “straight acting” guys, but I’m not acting. Madonna records are cool, not to into it though. Trans, drag, lesbian, whatever floats your boat. But I sure as hell would not be called a prom queen, guess I just wouldn’t go. This is what gave rise to the awful online group “GayBros.” But you are pushing a lot of men out of the community, funny since biologically we are the biggest group (homosexual men outnumber lesbians 2-1). We want to be treated as men, the way we interact with the rest of society. Does this make sense?
jwtraveler
Can’t wait for the old homophobes to die off and the younger generation of broadminded kids to take over. I hope I’ll still be around to see it. Of course there are still some young bigots around, but the numbers seem to be in our favor.
wpewen
@jwtraveler: @jwtraveler: Be careful how you throw those words around. Since I’ve been out in 1976-I mean REALLY out in LA, I have heard so much rhetoric and internal bashing within the gay community I doubt you would believe it (unless you are close to my age and been around the variety of people I have).
Right now, people are ready to jump a foot just by the suggestion of homophobia, transphobia,and whatever phobia. It’s good to discover all these phenomena, not so good to ascribe all this behavior and viewpoints to it. At a point, it becomes dogma. When I committed to the community I was/still am up for giving everyone a voice. Now that trans are on the scene big time they take up half the space in say, the Advocate. Interesting how little there is left to discuss how most people are living.
When the young broadminded kids leave the pages of the magazine, the school, and other shelter (if they do) they may find the WORLD is a kind of rough place. Doesn’t resemble the internet at all.
Kaje
@wpewen – there is a reason that it’s good to see disproportionate space being given to trans issues, now that we are finally bringing them into the open. And you have just demonstrated it. Even within the LGBTQIAP community, gender minorities are often treated as interlopers, less real, less valuable, less worthy. I know a gay transman who has been ridiculed and called a dyke more than once by other gay men. This idea that different parts of the community should push each other around for legitimacy hurts everyone.
Yes, the WORLD is a rough kind of place. In what way is that a reason to tell young people to be less broad-minded? Isn’t that like the people who told the drag queens of Stonewall not to be so flamboyant and they wouldn’t get hurt so much? Isn’t that exactly what the community has fought so hard to get away from? The idea that everyone should pretend to conform so as not to offend the mainstream? These are the openminded kids who will change the WORLD. Who will make it possible for the first time for trans individuals to live open and full lives.
It’s a slippery slope when you start trying to separate the “gay boys” from those with “gender issues” as Jacob 23 does. Look at Nasir up there in his tiara – he’s a flamboyant gay boy. Which side of your “us” and “them” line does he come in on? What about the gay boys who like to cross dress a bit? What about the ones who wear make-up? What about the ones who do drag? If a gay man has a whole queen persona in drag, is he still on your side of the line? Or is he bi-gendered? Or gender fluid?
Transgender people have a 41% suicide attempt rate. Part of that is the pain of having a body that does not fit who they are inside; part is that, even within the LGBTQ community, where they should be safe, they are still subjected to the kinds of attitudes we see here.
So yes, that is prejudice, that is bigotry within the community, and it’s wrong. It hurts us all when those who are G and L don’t see that their own acceptance is no more or less legitimate than that of any other part of the gender and sexual minority spectrum. When they don’t see that limiting which minorities deserve page time and support give legitimacy to the cis and het bigots for depriving any minority of full recognition. We are in this together. And every time we celebrate ALL of the colors of our rainbow, every time there is an article like this one, we help even the straightest-acting gay boy to feel better about who he is. Deciding between which teens we should celebrate, and which we should ask to hide away, diminishes us all.
wpewen
@Kaje: Well, I certainly appreciate your enthusiasm for defending trans people. Putting me as an example of intolerance is not really accurate. I think the expectation that say, guys in my “group” are into pushing all these other groups around is unfounded, at least it is in my case. My point about the Advocate is really an aside, but man is it true. There’s nothing in it anymore for a large percentage of men, I’ve been reading it since 1975.
I’m really aggrieved at the way trans people are kicked around, I’ve seen it more than once. But just like the drag scene, if the energy created around their culture is going to be endless words (I counted eight letters for “us”, used to be just gay) self-descriptive narrative (I personally despise Twitter) and guilt punching men like me who don’t mind them in the room but don’t need a dialog all the time then NO. Just get on with your lives and don’t make us live in Miami Beach 24/7.
Jacob23
@Kaje: Affirming that gay boys are boys and do not have gender issues by virtue of being gay is not a rejection of transgenders. It is saying that there are 2 different things here, and that it is wrong to lump them together and pretend that they are one.
By way of analogy, it is not anti-American or anti-Canadian to say that the US and Canada are 2 different countries and that it would be offensive to both to eradicate the national identities of 365 million people by referring to the countries interchangeably or referring to the citizens as USCanadians or Canadamericans.
You assert that “it’s a slippery slope when you start trying to separate the “gay boys” from those with “gender issues” and ask “What about the gay boys who like to cross dress a bit? What about the ones who wear make-up?.” But this only proves my point. You ask only about gay boys with gender issues. You assume that the fact that they are gay has some special relevance. You don’t ask about straight boys who want to wear make-up or crossdress even though they are far more numerous than gay boys who do so. Of course some gay boys overlap with boys who have gender issues. So what? Gays, and gay youth, overlap with every group on Earth. There are gay nerds and gay jocks and gay cutters and gay members of the Junior Chamber of Commerce. That doesn’t mean that all gays should be equated with jocks, cutters, or JCC members.
Boys and girls who have gender issues or who are trans or who crossdress should go to prom and live life. Some will be gay and some will be straight. The point is that it is false and offensive to say that all gay boys, simply by virtue of being gay, are linked with boys who want to be prom queens or who want to be thought of as girls. Gay boys like Michael and Anthony aren’t on this Earth to please you or to be defined by your ideological dictates. They have their own lives and their own identities as boys. Leave them alone.
Pax
What years are all of these stories from?
The story about Tony from Texas is from 2013.
Kaje
@Jacob23 – You also assume you can speak for them – in fact, Nasir specifically says ” “My main reason for wanting to win prom queen is to show the school, and hopefully the world, that if a spunky, odd gay kid can win prom queen, then anyone can! This message is mainly for transgendered people, because they seem to face so much backlash for simply being themselves. If I can win a title that is out of my gender, anyone else should be able to, including transgendered people.””
He doesn’t want to be separated from transgender kids. He specifically feels they are part of his community and wants to encourage them. It’s you who are offended on his behalf. You carry your prejudices to a gay kid who clearly doesn’t want them.
This generation of kids are far more willing to be inclusive than you are, and far more aware that yes, straight cross-dressing boys and bi-gender boys who like girls are also part of the wider community who don’t fit a simple binary heteronormative world. And it is only “offensive” to link gay boys with the rest of the LGBTQIAP community in a celebration of diversity and achievement, if you somehow think that the gender variant kids are less-than or inferior to your preferred version of gay boys. The boys themselves show no signs that they feel this way, and Nasir specifically shows that he feels the opposite.
Dakotahgeo
@Kaje: THANK YOU from one who is learning more and more each day regarding transgender people, young and old. Cheers!
wpewen
@Kaje: I’m interested in this because as I somewhat keep abreast of what used to be called the gay press I’m seeing writing that’s unrecognizable. I just counted eight letters for your description of “our” community-funny, I don’t even know what three of them stand for.
You are saying all this stuff about this generation of kids. That’s good, but I would that you move on at some point to “most people” meaning say, families in Omaha or whatever. We did not have all this language thirty years ago. Did you know about the resistance to the word queer by gay men back in the 80s’? Now we have queer studies, terms like CIS, heteronormative, etc. And people ragging on other people because they get tired of someone telling them what they want, who they are, who they are classified with…
What a waste of energy.
Jim McHardy
This is wonderful to read such positive feedback and hope for our future.