Connecticut High School Crowns First Gay Male Prom Queen

Nasir Fleming. Photo by Michael Witkowski, via News Times
Nasir Fleming. Photo by Michael Witkowski, via News Times

A high school in Danbury, CT, made local history this weekend as it crowned the first gay male prom queen in the school’s history.

Students from Danbury High School gave a standing ovation as Nasir Fleming took the stage at the Matrix Center on Friday night to accept the crown. “I was shocked to see how awesome and supportive my peers are,” Fleming told Queerty. “I received a decent amount of negative backlash, so I was surprised when I won.”

Fleming, who says he’s “very well liked” at school but “not immune to criticism nor judgement,” says he hopes his reign as prom queen will spread a message of acceptance. “The problem is that we’re taught to tolerate, but we need to accept everyone,” he says.

Fleming tells Queerty he’s out at school and was voted prom queen by an election held by his peers. He owes his glowing self-acceptance in part to his “uber-supportive” family. “I live with my uncle and he was more excited about me being crowned than I was,” he tells us. “I’m very thankful to have him as a form of support, I don’t know if I would have had the opportunity to be who I am and be elected as prom queen if it wasn’t for him raising me.”

Although Fleming does not identify as transgender, he hopes his victory will serve to inspire the countless trans students facing discrimination during prom court season:

My main reason for wanting to win prom queen is to show the school, and hopefully the world, that if a spunky, odd gay kid can win prom queen, then anyone can! This message is mainly for transgendered people, because they seem to face so much backlash for simply being themselves. If I can win a title that is out of my gender, anyone else should be able to, including transgendered people.

I also want other LGBT youth that our main purpose in life is to make ourselves happy. Very often we conform to societal norms in order to be accepted, and it is not acceptable for us to shun a perfectly fine part of ourselves. We are the innovators of the future, we are the future and we can make a change.

Congratulations, Nasir! Diamond is your color, girl.

Check out video from the crowning below:

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  • alex

    This is a great story, and this guy is inspirational! He admits the challenges to what he’s doing but he sticks to the wise story of figuring out for yourself what happiness means to you. Perfect.

  • tham

    Crowning gay kids Queens is so infuriatingly homophobic. Yeah because gays are just chicks with dicks…

    Because you know, there’s NEVER been a gay king…(rolling my eyes btw)

  • Brendan

    @tham: I agree. He’s still a guy, so he should have won Prom King. The title of King and Queen is based on gender, not sexual orientation or mannerisms. Having him win Prom Queen is insulting and it reinforces the stereotype that gay men are feminine and secretly must want to be women. Well it’s not true….

    All that said, I do appreciate that Nasir used his win to promote acceptance for transgendered people. Just not sure that this was the right way to do it though.

  • stranded

    @Brendan: I agree with you and tham. If he was transgendered, then i wouldn’t have a problem with it, but nothing suggest he is so it is just reinforcing this idea that gay men want to be women. I don’t want to sound “he-man” but i just get tired of seeing gay men accept female icons or identifiers instead of embracing their own manhood.

    Then maybe we’re reading our own shit into the situation. There are gay gender benders who aren’t transgendered; they mix together both male and female fashion and characteristics for their own personal identity. So instead of wishing for a gay homecoming king, why not just be ok with the fact that this guy is accepting of the queen title and that his votes weren’t done out of malice, but out of acceptance.

  • Nowuvedoneit

    I am older than this high school student but not old enough to have been at the start if the gay rights movement. This younger generation has had the fight fought for them and largely won so who do they have to rail against or feel oppressed by? Their own group. Now it’s about how far down the gay spectrum they can be and oppressed. There are still a lot of issues that need to be worked out but not on this group feeling special or fighting the good fight.

  • ingyaom

    Aren’t the Prom King and Queen supposed to make a sort of couple? Did they elect a girl to be king? We’re they photographed together? What did the Prom King have to say about a gay male Prom Queen? I don’t necessarily see this as a good thing.

  • Blackceo


    Co-sign with this. I mean on one hand if this kid isn’t upset about it I feel like I shouldn’t be, but the overall message that this guy is a “Queen” I feel doesn’t help the narrative of gays who get up in arms about the use of the word “Queen” as derogatory. Why didn’t he just enter the Prom King contest? I mean if he won and was that popular couldn’t he have won as Prom King?

  • SvenAW

    If Nasir Fleming wants to retake a word once used to flog us, good for him. If Danbury High School wants to vote for him as Prom Queen, even better.

    Let’s congratulate the kid for having so much gumption and panache. I can imagine him at DHS’s 40th reunion… smiling broadly as he is reintroduced as the 2014 Prom Queen. How cool will that be?

  • Thedrdonna

    I wonder how many of these commenters would be clutching their pearls-sorry, wringing their hands-if this had been a lesbian girl crowned prom king? Kudos to this kid for being true to himself and for expressing his gender how he sees fit.

  • zaneymcbanes

    This kid seems super cool, I love what a positive sign this is for America’s youth, and indeed that this is something now that is seen as being positive and not an insult. This is very exciting. However, doesn’t anyone else feel that there is an element of gay misogyny in this? The idea of the prom court in general is problematic, but even though it’s entrenched in heteronormative gender binary, there is an element of male supremacy in this story.

  • nasirfleming

    Firstly, I want to say that I am extremely sorry if I offended anyone. That was clearly not my attention, I know what it feels like to be ostracized and I would not wish that on anyone.

    I ran for queen to reinforce that if someone who identifies as male and has a male gentile can win a title outside of his gender, then it shouldn’t be a problem for transgendered people to win titles inside of their gender. This mainly came from me seeing how transgendered people are treated. They are not necessarily viewed positively in society, and if they win titles like “Miss America or America’s Next Top Model”, people get pissed because the transgender person wasn’t born in the gender that they identify with. So, if I can clearly win a title that is out of my gender, we should have no issue with trans-persons.

    Yes, I may be feeding into stereotypes, but that is just my personality. I am a gay male, but I dress freely and I don’t limit myself to just “boy” or “girl” things. That does not mean that I want to be female. If anything, the people commenting are feeding into stereotypes, just because someone wears “girly clothes” , it doesn’t mean that he wants to be female. Speaking about the king, he was very accepting and offered to dance with me, but the DJ insisted that we both dance with our dates. The king is a straight male, and it is awesome that he is comfortable enough with himself to offer to dance with a queer kid. Lastly, I was nominated for both king and queen, but I had to choose, and I obviously chose queen. I don’t know if the message would have been received the same way if I ran for king, but I am pretty sure that I would have won if I ran for it. Also, my peers were very accepted because the nominated me AND voted for me.

    As a community we need to STOP jumping down each others’ throats and thinking that we’re doing malicious acts towards each other. I tried to make a statement (sorry if I offended anyone). Not all messages are comprehended, but I am glad that I got to stand-up for a sub-group that many people do not seem to support.

    Thank You,
    Nasir Fleming

  • sportyguy1983

    I didn’t realize that being a gay guy means you want to be a woman and be prom queen. A gay man running for prom queen is ridiculous. If he was transgendered then that is different because he identifies as a girl. Since when do gay MEN identify as women?

  • Kieran

    I guess this is what they mean by, “playing for the other team”. Because after all, isn’t it the fondest wish of every “gay” man to be crowned “Prom Queen”?

    But we can’t fathom why a gay NFL player would choose to remain closeted.

  • Thedrdonna

    @sportyguy1983: I think he’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t “want to be a woman”. He is free to play with his gender how he sees fit. Telling him he has to be super masculine to be gay is just as ridiculous as insisting that all gay men are effeminate. Since when do gay men act effeminately? I don’t know, ask Ru Paul, Elton John, Johnny Weir, the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, the list goes on and on. Not all gay men are masculine, not all gay men are feminine, and it’s no skin off your back how others comport themselves.

  • Dxley

    All this is confusing. A gay boy? Crowned prom queen? Someone make me understand! Gay males and straight males have one thing in common: they’re both men. Why would he run for this? Unless he transgender, which he isn’t. I’m just going to shut up right now!

  • Lvng1tor

    @nasirfleming: Good for you guy! Not the way I would’ve made the point but at least you are doing something! Not like some people complaining on a website over what is obviously their own insecurities forced on a brave young man.

  • Lvng1tor

    @Dxley: ya should have shut up before ya made the ignorant comment!

  • Kieran

    I’ll bet his straight classmates got a good laugh out of this. “We voted the gay kid “Prom Queen” and “she” was absolutely thrilled. Ha ha ha.”

  • KDub

    I find this to be incredibly homophobic. Queen titles are for girls, and king titles are for males by the very definitions of each word. Sadly, all that happened here is more confirmation of the stereotype that gay men secretly (or not so secretly) wish to be women.

  • KDub

    Does this mean there was no female prom queen at all? Aside from making a mockery of the gay community, that seems rather unfair as well.

  • Billy Budd

    I would rather see a gay prom KING, but this is better than nothing. If the boy is happy with it, we should also be.

  • jayj150

    @Kieran: That was exactly my thought. Oh, and way to throw your people under the bus to help the transcrowd feel validated.

  • cflekken

    As inspiring as it is that it appears that there is increasing acceptance of the gay community, I feel as a GAY MAN, that this also serves to encourage the backlash and misinformation about being gay. Being gay does NOT mean that all gay men are feminine or that all gay women are masculine.

  • nasirfleming

    Thank you all for educating me a bit, because I didn’t realize that this would be some of the backlash that I would get. I guess, we live and we learn. We can’t please everyone. Thank you for helping me see another layer to this issue.

  • Lyndon Evans

    I graduated from Danbury High School in 1972.

    Back then as it still is now for many it wasn’t easy to be queer.

    The common thing to call someone at the time wasn’t “fag” but “MO” and you dreaded hearing that word directed toward you because everyone knew what it meant.

    Today this OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL couldn’t be more prouder of the Orange and Blue.

    But more importantly Nasir’s supportive family.

    Nasir Fleming a shining example of what it means to be queer in 2014.

    As we say here in Danbury once the Hat City Of The World, “a tip of the hat” to Nasir and the students at DHS.

  • michael mellor

    This looks like a gimmick designed for comedic reasons.

  • CCTR

    @nasirfleming: Congratulations on your win! You are fortunate to have a supportive and loving uncle and to be comfortable enough with yourself to make the point that you made by running and winning prom queen. It was noble of you to apologize to the people leaving negative comments here, but they are the ones that have some learning and self reflecting to do. You should be proud of yourself!

  • CCTR

    A little sad that some of you are showing such non-support for a gay male high school student who wanted to make a harmless point about gender equality by running for and winning the title of homecoming queen. I applaud Nasir and Queerty for sharing this story.

  • Thedrdonna

    I’m amazed at how many sad sacks here are so afraid of a world where the only way to be gay is to be feminine that they’re trying to force a world where the only way to be gay is to be masculine.

  • hudson

    @nasirfleming: congratulations buddy on your win. it took guts to do what you did. whether or not everyone agrees on if it should have been king or queen, you’ve stepped up and done something (more than many can claim). you’ll find out the gay community has many faces and we should all be proud to count you as one of our own. thanks

  • Jacob23


    Congratulations on your win. I hope you had an enjoyable prom.

    I’ll say it direct: I think you made a mistake by running for prom queen, as opposed to prom king. You are a boy. Just because you are gay does not make you any less of a boy. Just because you may not like sports and may like some activities which traditionally have been associated with girls, does not make you any less of a boy.

    If you were a transsexual, queen would be the right title. But you aren’t transsexual. You are a gay male and your rightful title is king. (And BTW, to the commenter who said that there have never been gay prom kings, you are incorrect. There have indeed been numerous gay boys who have been crowned king and numerous lesbians crowned queen. Some of these stories can be found in the Queerty archive pages. There was one last year.)

    Nasir, I am not jumping down your throat or suggesting that you were doing anything malicious. All in all, it is good that you had a nice experience and it is a net positive that the other students accepted you and applauded you. My only suggestion is that, if you can, try to look beyond yourself and consider how your actions impact your gay brothers and sisters. Gay boys are told all the time that they are not real boys or that they are wannabe girls just because they are gay, just as young lesbians are told that they must really want to be boys. These are lies that damage the self-esteem and development of LGB youth. Let’s never feed those lies, but instead destroy them with truth.

  • sportyguy1983

    @Thedrdonna Point out where in my comment i said anything about masculinity. Females (whether by birth or transgendered) should be prom queen. All this kid did by running for prom queen was make a joke out of the whole thing. Gay does not equal woman. The most effeminate gay GUY should run for prom KING not queen.

  • Franklin

    @nasirfleming. If you had a good time, and have people who love you, then do you baby. Forget about these negative net trolls on queerty. You’ve only got one life to live, and it’s not for them. It’s like the saying goes “I used to care what people thought about me, but then I tried to pay my bills with their opinions”.

  • OrchidIslander

    @nasirfleming: I’m very proud of you. I think you possess a knowledge and sensitivity far beyond your years. It takes a bold person to step forward and turn expected and accepted roles of gender and gender identification on their collective heads the way you did. Using Prom Queen to promote your views was an inspired choice. I agree with CCTR, you own no one an apology. You have a right to freedom of expression and your method of doing so made a valid point. Sadly, that point sailed right over the head of some of the negative commenters. Apparently it is not only traditional and conservative straight people who are unable to wrap their minds around differences in creative expression, orientation and gender. Absolutely none of them has made an impact the way you have or contributed to the conversation in any meaningful way. So, f**k em! You have some gifts, don’t let the Queerty haters, or any haters, deter you and rob you of your promise. Good luck to you my Queen….

  • Rake

    OK when are we going to announce the gay guy who is Prom King? Student Govt prez? Wrestling team MVP?. Lesbian who is Prom or Homecoming Queen or other “honors” of high school?

    OK I see above that this site has mentioned gay Prom Kings. But it doesn’t seem to make it to the pages of the HUFFPost or other media. It wasn’t possible 25 years ago to publicize the list of “honors” above, but it did happen. Unfortunately, National Honor Society saw fit to deny membership based on immoral character.

  • Franklin

    And to the Queerty folks. Ya’ll need to stop putting so much pressure on this kid. It is not every gay persons job to be the representative for the gay community, just like it’s not every black person’s job to be a representative for the black community. So don’t get your panties in a bunch, because he didn’t fall in line with your expectations of how a gay person should behave.

  • KDub

    All you guys arguing that gay men don’t have to be masculine or behave the same way are missing the point. Effeminacy isn’t the issue. The problem is addressing gay men as women, which carries the implication that gay men are lesser men. He is a gay male (even he said he doesn’t consider himself TS) that was given a title meant for a girl or maybe even an MtF.

  • BrianZ

    @nasirfleming: Hey, good on you for following your heart, putting yourself out there and doing your own damned thing! Congratulations on your win!

    Don’t let people, even in “the community”, try to tell you what you can’t do, what you can call yourself, whatever. You be the best damned you possible and let those others deal with their own demons and self-hate. It is a shame they can’t see their own hypocrisy, but, you’ll have that.

  • Lyndon Evans

    @nasirfleming: you have nothing to apologize for Nasir .. take it from this OUT AND PROUD BISEXUAL Danbury High School Class of 1972 … it’s the close-minded within our own community that need to take lessons in tolerance.

    Keep the faith kid and the good fight going.

    Don’t let the trolls drag you down … because they are just bottom sucking little leeches who are worse than our enemies outside our community.

  • Bee Gaga

    Ok mother’s here, and apparently I’m going to have to read a few people.

  • Lvng1tor

    @nasirfleming: You have nothing to apologize for. You did something for a positive reason. No one can judge you on that. Be Proud! I don’t know you from Adam and I’m proud of you! As long as there is a lesson learned and you’ve made it better for other LGBTQI youth (which I believe you have) then it’s a net gain and a great thing.

    Thank you for being a strong brave proud young man. There are always going to be haters and naysayers. You can’t and won’t ever please everyone but never let them change your heart or stop you from trying.

    Oh and learn it’s ok to say “[email protected]#$ You at least I tried” and walk away with your head up high!Go be the best damn Queen that school has ever seen!

  • Bee Gaga

    @nasirfleming: You have NOTHING to apologize for, congratulations to you sweetie. I understand what you did and why you did it. Don’t listen to the people here. The same people on here bemoaning you winning prom queen, as a way to address gender and societal norms, are the same ones who ONLY want masculine “straight-acting” portrayals of gay men and don’t care about the stereotypes surrounding those, but the moment an effeminate gay guy shows up it’s “perpetuating stereotypes.” Chile cheese! YOU are not a representation of the gay community, no matter how they try to shame you as if you are. If people are ignorant enough to assume something from your win, that’s on them. Not you. Be who YOU are, YOU are the prom queen, you are a self-identified male who is prom queen. Congratulations. If these bitter bettys have a problem with it, tough for them. They’re not you. You are not a representation of them, you are an individual and continue striving to be the best YOU, YOU can be. Congratulations, again.

  • Bee Gaga

    @KDub: Who cares! Gender is a social construct. Gay men call themselves “girl” and “sis” ALL THE TIME, it’s an act of irreverence. If YOU’RE worried about people labeling you as “lesser men” (whatever the hell that means) then that’s on you. I could care less. Apparently, this boy didn’t do it for you (shocker) he said it over and over again he did it for transgender people. Which doesn’t just include TS people btw. So an AFAB gender non-binary person what should they run as, prom king or queen? Since you’re sooo caught up on “men do this” and “women do this.” Have several seats.

  • Bee Gaga

    @sportyguy1983: How are YOU going to tell someone else what they should run for. If “the most effeminate gay GUY” wants to run for prom queen, that’s his prerogative, you pressed sis? Newsflash, gender is a societal construct. There’s more than just the binary man and woman, so what should the people who fall in between or outside of that binary do? Not run for anything because ignorant people like you use insular logic to say “women should do this” and “men should do this,” hmmm that’s sounds an awfully lot like homophobes. So, you’re saying because he’s a genetic male he “should” run for prom king, not queen. So, how do you feel when people say since you’re a genetic male you SHOULD date/marry/sleep with women, not men. If we’re being honest they have more of a leg to stand on than your assertion, I mean penises and vaginas are designed for each other. Don’t throw stones when you live in a glass house “sportyguy”

  • Bee Gaga

    @Jacob23: The irony is you’re telling him to look out for his LGB brothers and sisters, as you damage your TQ siblings. Gender is a social construct, there is more than just the binary; male and female. The T is an umbrella term that includes many gender-nonconforming, gender non-binary, bigender, genderqueer, etc. people, as does the Q. Saying “you’re a boy so your rightful title is king,” is just as damaging to those youth as someone saying “you’re a boy so your rightful partner is a girl.” The hypocrisy among you commenters is astonishing. RuPaul said it best, there are PLENTY (I’d even say majority) of gay men who, lovingly, use female pronouns amongst each other. It’s not “oh we want to girls” (whatever that means) it’s an act of irreverence. If he, as a self-identified male, wants to be prom queen, as an ode to transgender youth who CONSTANTLY are ignored by their own community (case and point, your comment) then good for him for doing it, because others aren’t. If he wants to be king good for him, if he wants to be queen, equally good for him. If others read into that “oh gay men want to be women,” tough titty, there are ignorant people. I am an extremely effeminate gay male and I’m black. I am not a representation of gay people nor black people. I’m not going to change who I am and the way I act and the things I do because Y’ALL think it’s a bad image for you. Too bad, not my problem. Educate the people who make stereotypes, not the people who, innately, adhere to certain stereotypes. If people think all gay men are effeminate I’m not going to masculinze myself and create a facade just because y’all don’t like being seen as effeminate.

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: Yes it is harmless. Straight men think gay men aren’t as masculine? OMG the horror! Who cares. Also, your name is “masc4masc” I don’t think anyone’s going to take you seriously. If that same link said “straight men find gay men to be more masculine than themselves,” I know damn well you wouldn’t have found an issue with it. But, because it speaks on effeminacy, it’s a problem. *pulls up chair* have a seat.

  • Paco

    @nasirfleming: Congratulations Nasir! I am so very proud of you. Don’t let the insecurities of a few of the negative commenters here ruin your happy moment. Some gay men are on a fruitless quest seeking validation and approval, of their sexual identities, from heterosexual men. Their issues with you being crowned Prom Queen, are exactly that, THEIR ISSUES. The rest of us are secure with our identities and don’t require the approval of straight people to define our level of manliness.

    Continue being true to yourself and enjoy your win!

  • OrchidIslander

    @KDub: KDub, we’ve got gay football players, gay pro basketball players, gay rugby players and gay soccer players. Feel better? If you’re afraid that one kid’s bold and inspired plan of attack is going to somehow diminish your perceived masculinity, then that’s your – and apparently other Queerty posters – issue. No matter how much testosterone we possess, no matter how butch some of us are – some people are always going to stereotype gay men as less masculine. Who cares? As long as we are not denied the same set of rights that heteros possess, what some unevolved people think about our maleness really carries very little weight.

  • KDub

    @Bee Gaga: Calm all the way down. I know you think you’re on a roll with all this “reading” and stuff, but it’s really just a bunch of unnecessary attitude. If you bothered to read, I already said this isn’t about effeminacy or social constructs. Since you seem like the typical 20-something that thinks being bitchy is the best way to express your sexuality, I’m sure you don’t care anything about stereotypes, but they do still hold us all back. So make sure you “care less” when gay athletes are struggling with coming out or when guys use terms like “straight-acting” or “no fems” online.

  • Bee Gaga

    @Lvng1tor: I told y’all, mother was in the building! My prom was last year and I didn’t go because, as I said I’m an extremely effeminate male, and I damn sure didn’t want to wear a tuxedo (my school required “boys” to dress up and wear tuxedos) so I choose not to go because I didn’t want to do that. Also, I just didn’t wanna go lol so I applaud Nasir for what he’s doing for little gay kids and especially for little transgender and queer kids across the country/world. These girls on here are just so caught up in respectability politics and what straight people think of them, they could actually care less about the people he did this for.

  • Bee Gaga

    @KDub: I’m calm, you pressed sis? Nothing I said wasn’t calm. I’m not “bitchy” nor am I a 20-something (I’m in my teens) so, thanks but try again. There are always going to be stereotypes, like I said TOUGH TITTY, it happens. So your suggestion is that no one, even if they do just happen to fit that stereotype, shouldn’t adhere to them. So, I’m naturally effeminate, your logic is since that is a stereotype I should try and be something else. I’m black I like fried chicken, your logic, I should never eat it again because it’s a stereotype. Here’s a radical idea, some people are stereotypes, stop the presses! I know that may shock you but it’s true. I could still careless about the stereotypes. If people want to adhere to them, that’s their ignorance. The “straight-acting” this is internalized homophobia, nothing more. It has nothing to do with stereotypes about gay men and everything to do with (what your comment so beautifully illustrates) respectability politics and putting on a minstrel show for the acceptance of straight people. Shows over honey, time for a new act!

  • KDub

    @Bee Gaga: “(I’m in my teens)” Say no more. That explains it all. We’re done. Have fun with your “reads” and “seats”.

  • Lvng1tor

    @KDub: I’ve been fighting this fight since the 80’s and I agree with Bee Gaga. I’ll put my activist resume up against yours any day! You’re just pissy cause Bee clocked you!You can’t actually be upset over what Bee wrote cause judging by your reply you don’t actually understand his response and instead hear and read what you want.

  • KDub

    @Lvng1tor: Bee didn’t clock anything and judging by your avatar, you’re waaaaaaaaaaay too old for the type of reply you wrote. You guys are really the only ones name-calling and trying to being catty.

  • dave lopes

    It is not about being a feminine or masculine man.

    It is about selfishly depriving the other half of humanity…the women and transgender from what should be their title.

    Someone should file a complaint on behalf of that other half.

    We have become so delirious with our recent victories that we are entering the stupidity zone…much like our detractors on the far right.

  • phoebe

    What about a Prom king?…………is there any discussion on this? perhaps a woman would want to be the Prom King? You pay so much attention to the male/gay, that all other aspects are forgotten.

  • Thedrdonna

    @KDub: If you’re really so much more experienced than Bee Gaga (but not as old as Lvng1tor, heavens, the horror!) then perhaps you could actually respond to his points rather than trying to pretend that his age renders him incapable of making a valid argument.

  • dave lopes

    perhaps, but the story does not say anything about any woman wanting to be prom king.

  • Blackceo


    Well, like I said in my original post, if you are ok with it than I feel like I shouldn’t have an issue with it. I see both sides but none of us here are in your shoes and went through your experience. So congratulations to you and best of luck with everything in the future. It looks like you have some great support at your school and continue to hold your head up in the face of those who want to ridicule you.

  • litper

    this is promotion of heterosexuality and forcing gay=woman anti-gay pro-hetero stereotype

  • Bee Gaga

    @KDub: Oh yes, rebuke me for my age. How mature. I’m younger than you but clearly out of your league. I believe that’s called an ad hominem, instead of addressing or countering what I’ve said you simply say “you’re young, so you can’t speak on it.” Cute try, but it’s not working. You’ve been clocked 5 times. Next time, try and come up with some substance. K sis?

  • Lvng1tor

    @Thedrdonna: @Bee Gaga: Well said both of you. I was going to respond but it’s way past my bedtime….I have to be up at 4am for some mall walkin and gettin that McDonalds coffee for a quarter! Good Night

  • alex

    @nasirfleming: Nasir, I had no idea when I put up my original comment that there would be other people afterwards that didn’t like the fact that you were a prom queen instead of a prom king. These people don’t understand what queer means, and they certainly don’t understand the real power behind setting aside gender norms and just being whatever we feel like being for a day, a year, or a lifetime. Keep doing your thing, you were brave and you were also so generous to come onto the site and actually give us your perspective and extra insights on the Queerty story.

    Thank you,


  • dave lopes


    Its a little more complicated.

    That is why LGBTQ is Ok for now as we fight for acceptance.

    In the future, we will have to go our separate ways.

    Frankly i have no understanding of men wanting to be queens (unless one is transgender)…or grown men dressed in skimpy outfit or almost naked in a parade..or wearing feathers…etc etc etc.

    Before everyone jumps, I am not saying people should not do as they please, i am simply stating that I don’t get it and as such feel no sense of kinship or sameness.

    Perhaps there are many homosexualities and many degrees of transgenderism…..a kinsey like scale if you will.

    Just wondering.

  • michael mellor

    Calling him ‘queen’ is derogatory and comedic.

  • KDub

    @Thedrdonna: Since his reply was nothing but the usual queeny ad hominem, my reply was appropriate. Maybe you guys can try replying to your opposition instead of resorting to personal attacks? From what I see, the many guys that aren’t wild about this are respecting their viewpoints respectfully while you guys are trying to play Mean Girls. Again, this isn’t about effeminacy, so fems don’t need to take opposing viewpoints so personally on this one.

  • KDub

    *expressing their viewpoints respectfully

  • Manchester

    Happy for him!

  • Thedrdonna

    @KDub: He made several points regarding how gay men address each other, trans folks, gender non-binary people, and forcing people to follow the gender binary. Those aren’t ad hominems, but you appeared to have ignored that. Try again.

  • KDub

    @Thedrdonna: Yeah, it’s hard to respond to someone who clearly isn’t understanding what you’re saying to begin with. But if it makes you happy, I think it’s just as homophobic for gay men to be addressing each other as females, especially since those are usually the first to cry homophobe if a straight guy uses their existence to emasculate another guy. So basically, “care less” when that happens too. Too much straddling both sides of the fence.

  • Thedrdonna

    @KDub: There’s just so many homophobic gay men who refuse to be gay the way you want them to!

  • Billy Budd

    Look, guys, I would love if all gay men were very macho, butch, masculine, like myself. But that is not the reality. There are effeminate gay men. If this boy is happy with being crowned the queen, who are we to condemn him? You must learn to accept that people can be different from you.

  • KDub

    @Thedrdonna: Straw man time already?

  • Thedrdonna

    @KDub: “I think it’s just as homophobic for gay men to be addressing each other as females”.

  • KDub

    @Thedrdonna: I never said people were “refusing to be gay the way I want them to”. You asked me to respond to that question, and I believe it’s homophobic coming from straight people, so I also believe gay men doing it to each other is homophobic as well. It’s called consistency. I’m aware that’s a new concept for many of you.

  • Thedrdonna

    @KDub: So you responded to one quarter of the points that I noted you hadn’t addressed, by saying that gay men are homophobic too.

  • Bee Gaga

    @Thedrdonna: Don’t argue with her, she’s disingenuous and has been clocked several times. She’s a pseudo-intellectual, nothing I said was even remotely akin to an ad-hominem (clearly she doesn’t know what that means). Though, of course like hyporcrites do, she resorted to ad hominems and name-calling several times. She wants everyone to be liker her; a “masc4masc; straight-acting only…no fats, no fems” type of guy. And when they’re not, she get’s pressed. It’s the type of sentiment indigenous to the cisgender white male.

  • KDub

    @Thedrdonna: Yes, homophobia in gay people is disappointing at times.

  • CCTR

    @masc4masc: I really don’t get your point. Some men are effeminate, some gay men are effeminate, some men are masculine, some gay men are masculine. Some men are ignorant and homophobic, some gay men are ignorant and homophobic.

    This young man’s reasoning for running for homecoming queen had nothing to do with trying to convince straight men that all gay me are masculine or effeminate. His harmless actions in no way justify prejudice and ignorance.

  • Kangol

    I celebrate this young person’s crowning and congratulate him and his schoolmates for doing a wonderful thing!

  • james_in_cambridge

    Lovely! But we are becoming two different countries: in Connecticut and the rest of the Northeast and the West Coast and many other parts of the country, we are a Liberal, live-and-let-live haven and in the South, we are a right-wing, religious, semi-fascist State. The last time there was such a discrepancy in the beliefs of the North and South, we had a civil war (and if we have another one, we’ll kick their ass again so I’m not terribly worried still, who wants war?) Just imagine the uproar if this had happened in Mississippi. Thankfully, it happened in Connecticut and no one even blinked. Old Miss will no doubt catch up though…in about a 100 years or so.

  • ChiChi Man

    Wow. Old men really have problems!

    It is appalling – not surprising – nothing on here is surprising – it is appalling that a cabal of middle aged men attempt to gender shame a teenager who has shown more bravery, individuality and courage than any of the commenters hiding behind a computer.

    How dare any of you tell someone who he should be, how he should act and how he should identify. If he wants to be Prom Queen, good for him. This pathetic, self-pitying, self-serving garbage about gay stereotypes and “what will the straights think” makes me want to vomit. Get over yourselves! Not every gay man is the blond, chiseled, straight-acting obsession of your mis-spent youth. It is not Nasir’s duty to make you feel masculine. We are a diverse community and we should celebrate our diversity and our individuality.

    The only silver lining is the knowledge that if Nasir was able to sway a high school full of teens, he has nothing to fear from a bunch of tired old biddies.

    Nasir, please continue to be true to yourself and ignore the noise of of haters – gay, straight, effeminate, butch, whatever.

  • virginiahockey

    He can do what he wants, but I am not going to applaud something that reinforces old, tired offensive stereotypes. He is not transgender, he is a dude. He is reinforcing the stereotype that gay men are womanly, unmanly, and want to be female. He is conflating being gay with being transgender. When people question Gay men’s masculinity, this is part of the reason. Too many gay men perpetuate the stereotype. He is a dude, not a girl.

  • lykeitiz

    @nasirfleming: What you did, and the reason you are stating that you did it, are both brave and compassionate. From the comments, you can see that idiots will always project their issues on to you and try to make it “fact”. Just by your actions alone, it is obvious you are prepared for that part of life. Well done!! The world needs more like you!
    And on a personal note….this weekend I will be seeing my (slightly) homophobic nephew, who happens to live in Danbury. Thank you for giving me an opening conversation!

  • ouragannyc

    I don’t like that at all. This is not good for LGBT community as a whole.

  • Nowuvedoneit

    @nasirfleming: , if he is okay with his decision it’s fine with me, what I find funny is people attacking some of the other posters for not wanting to be labeled as feminine. I’d like to point out that it would be wrong to attack a transgendered woman by still calling her a man but it’s ok to attack gay men who are wired masculine. They identify solely as men and being gay doesn’t change that just as being born gender queer or whatever trans state others identify with. It’s not wrong that they don’t want to be called girls or queens. Everyone just needs to let everyone be, that’s what the gay rights movement use to be about. We’ re queer we’re are here get use to it!

  • anti-liberal

    What a utter ugliness and sickness! And there is wondering why most Americans respond in surveys that the country is headed in the wrong direction.

  • BrianZ

    @virginiahockey: You have some issues to deal with. You are clinging to the notion that men, gay or otherwise, have to be “this” and can never be “that”. These arguments are a stones throw from the assertions that two men can’t have a family because there is no woman in the mix to “fulfill that role”. If you make the argument over something as trivial as a damned prom queen title, how can you possible argue against a woman’s role in “traditional marriage”?

    If you don’t want to confront your reasons for feeling uncomfortable with stepping outside rigid gender lines/roles, that’s fine, but don’t project your nonsense on others. We as gays are fighting every day to be who we are, not fighting to fit into someone’s preconceived idea of what we should be. This includes that some men just may want to be queen for a day, and does not in any way diminish the men who want to rule the hockey rink.

    @anti-liberal: The only thing “there is wondering” about is wtf you are doing posting here. You just stop here for the half-naked mens before you toddle off to Fox News?

  • LeotheLeo

    Talk about doing more harm thn good!! and I bet u the students that voted this boy a Queen are the type that view gay men as victims whose fragile emotions need to be tippy toed around oh so carefully…. no different than weak defenseless children. Nowthat they’ve succeeded with their charity case they cn pat themselves on the back and tell everyone how progressive they are while not even caring of promoting the same old stereotypes so many gay men still have fight everyday. yay this is so exciting!!! un saludo a la reina!

  • Nowuvedoneit

    @BrianZ: my question to you, is is it wrong for a transgender individual to transition into their perceived gender? Are they being uncomfortable in their * assigned gender? No, why is it wrong for these gay men who are wired to be masculine to not want to be labeled girls? You can’t have it be okay to accept people as ” feminine” but get mad at others when they say they don’t want to be as such.

  • Nowuvedoneit

    I feel I need to clarify my earlier statement, when I said assigned gender. Some not all I realize that now thanks to @Thedrdonna: transgender individuals need to transition so I am not speaking about those that don’t transition. I am saying that when I read these comments that say to fight the gender binary and preconceived gender roles, it’s harmful to those who do fit into those gender roles. The question can be raised why don’t those who transition be happy in their gender and fight against the gender binary? Because that’s how they were born, and don’t need to ask you or anybody permission to be. So those gay men who don’t like to be labeled as girls or like to do things as what you think is gender role that is feminine, are just being themselves. The fact that we are still talking about it and arguing it’s ok to be girly is homophobic. Being gay is the act of doing homosexual acts, sleeping and loving the same biological gender.that is all, anything else is the baggage you bring with it.

  • Cam

    If he doesn’t identify as Trans then why wouldn’t he have been voted prop King?

    This seems to be buying into the old homophobic stereotypes.

  • Charlie in Charge

    He ran for queen and won queen – congrats to him! It’s a little sad that some commenters think that all gay men have to conform to their rigid idealized views of masculinity but — at least according to Armistead Maupin this was the same thing that happened in the 70s and the community got over it then too.

    Congrats, Nasir.

  • jayj150

    @Charlie in Charge: Stating that gay men are MEN is not having ‘rigid idealized views of masculinity’; butch or effeminate, gay men are men. It would have been awesome to see this non-conforming kid winning as King of the class, to show that gay men come in all shapes, sizes and colors; but by choosing to be a ‘queen’ the only message he sent is that gay men are frustrated women.

  • Tony Johnston

    @Nowuvedoneit: “Being gay is the act of doing homosexual acts, sleeping and loving the same biological gender.that is all, anything else is the baggage you bring with it.”

    Agreed. No matter what side of this debate people are on, calling him a “Gay Prom Queen” is definitely linking homosexuality to being effeminate, which is flat out wrong and offensive to many. What I find interesting is that this clearly fem young man was elected queen instead of king. I understand that’s what he signed up for, but I wonder if they (especially the straight male student body) would’ve been just as open to electing him prom king had he ran for that
    instead. Would these same students that are okay with acknowledging a fem gay guy as queen be okay with acknowledging him as viable competition for the king title? Something tells me that’s where they would draw the line. It’s just like how gay men have always been accepted in figure skating and gymnastics but football and basketball have been and continue to be a pretty tough struggle.

  • tham

    @Bee Gaga: So by your account, Michael Sam should win Prom Queen cause he’s gay and that’s fine with you.

    I’m just saying it would be nice to once have a gay kid be award king instead of queen. For some reason, gays just can’t break through that glass slipper.

  • Nowuvedoneit

    @Tony Johnston: I can’t say, Nasir chose to run as prom queen and send a message for transgender students. He’s young and at least being socially active in a positive way to a spectrum of the rainbow which is more than I did at that age. I can’t speak anything about sports because I don’t follow them. I like the geeky, techy stuff of life. I just wanted to point out the whole there’s no gender binary and those who buy into it are wrong rhetoric going on. It’s obvious it exists because some transgender people exist, straight people exist, lesbians exist, and gay men exist. You can be what you want and say you are what you are but don’t get mad at people who do identify in the gender binary. Let everyone exist as they want to.

  • Hermes

    @tham: er — he wanted to run, he ran – let him enjoy it.

  • Paco

    I am saddened by some of the negative comments here. This brave young man is not representing the entire gay community any more than the rest of us do on our own throughout our daily lives. I was one of those effeminate boys growing up back when it was not ok to be that way. I wanted to play with the Barbie dolls instead of the Tonka trucks. I related more with the girls than I did the boys, hated sports, wanted to be Wonder Woman when all the other boys were fighting over who was Superman and Batman. Even in Highschool, I had the fantasy of being the prom queen standing next to the hunky athletic king. I was just being myself and saw nothing wrong with it, even though others always gave me hell for it.

    I never really spent time in the closet even though that was where all the heterosexuals in my life wanted me to be. That changed when I was attacked and chased down by a bunch of men screaming slurs at me, all because my hair was bleached and I had earrings. I got away by hiding under a truck and was shaking so bad I was afraid they would hear me as I watched their feet running by the truck as they searched for me. The next day, I shaved my head, removed the earrings and got a bunch of flannel shirts from the thrift store to appear more butch. For the first time in my life, I went into the closet and spent nearly 2 miserable years in there with shame and self-loathing until I couldn’t deal with it anymore and tried to commit suicide.

    After that failed attempt to end myself, I realized what a mistake it had been to deny me my true self and swore I would never be shoved back into hiding and always be myself no matter what others thought of me. Things are hard enough for the effeminate boy that doesn’t fit with the hetero world’s idea of how boys should act, it is even more damaging when members of their own community try to erase them or shove them back into the closet because they don’t know how to deal with their own learned and internalized homophobia and base their entire self worth on what straight people think of them or gay men as a whole.

    It’s up to us as individuals to create the best life for us surrounded by people that accept us the way we are. Expecting others to put on an act for appearances sake so you can feel more accepted by ignorant people is so very wrong and selfish, and quite frankly, if you can’t handle some bigoted straight guys thinking you are less than they are, thenI guess you aren’t as manly or straight acting as you thought you were. Funny how the effeminate gay men aren’t bothered by it.

    Just my 2 cents.

  • Lvng1tor

    @tham: That’s not what Bee was saying at all. Please reread with an open mind. The overall message from Bee was that we are all individuals and people have a right to their truth, finding their own path and being who they are with out having to answer to some gender stereo type or to the “gay community” at large. So, if Michael Sam wanted to run for Prom Queen and wins it is about Michael’s journey and does not infer anything onto you. If people want to make it about themselves then that is their damage not this kids. I’ve never been called feminine, never called butch either….I’m just pretty avg American man and my identity doesn’t depend on this brave young man. My sun still rises and falls and if anyone wants to use this kids victory to reinforce their own assumed stereo types then you can’t do anything about it. Cause those people will ignore every “masculine, “butch” or “?Normal?” gay man walking past but will shout out and point at any guy they see as feminine anyway. Just live your life honestly and be you and accept others when they are true to themselves. Thats the path to equality. Not this gender normalization based on Str8 culture.

  • BrianZ

    @Nowuvedoneit: Why is it so hard to understand that allowing someone to be who they are should in no way detract from one’s self being accepted? Why does another gay man’s perceived masculinity have to be a commentary on mine? It doesn’t. I am 100% comfortable in my own skin, and I applaud my brothers and sisters who manage that for themselves as well. I also mourn a little bit for my brothers and sisters who feel they have to be something “other” to earn acceptance and praise.

    There is nothing wrong with a man not wanting to be referred to as a woman. There is also nothing wrong with a man not caring if he is referred to in words typically reserved for women. If someone calls me a bitch, does that mean you are in danger of being accused of having a vagina?

    So, in case all that was too vague: I don’t have an ounce of problem with a man preferring to not be referred to as a queen, a diva, a bitch, whatever. I do have a large problem with that man trying to dictate to everyone else how they should act, how they should behave. Do you see the difference?

  • Nowuvedoneit

    I’@BrianZ: Who is this man imposing his opinion on others? People commenting on this? Everyone has a right to an opinion whether you agree with it or not. I was bringing up a different viewpoint to make the same point you just tried making. If that was clear then there nothing I can do about but go on my merry. way.

  • Nowuvedoneit

    * wasn’t

  • Billy Budd

    If the boy wants to be a queen, let him be a queen.

    If the boy wants to be butch, let him be butch.

    People should be allowed to be whatever they are without receiving criticism. It is absurd that he is receiving criticism from fellow gay guys.

  • CCTR

    @Lvng1tor: Thanks for breaking it down! I couldn’t agree with you more.

  • Cam

    @Paco: said….”I am saddened by some of the negative comments here. This brave young man is not representing the entire gay community any more than the rest of us do on our own throughout our daily lives. I was one of those effeminate boys growing up back when it was not ok to be that way. ”
    That is not what anybody is saying.

    The fact is, he has stated that he does NOT identify as transgendered. So by that reasoning then it is an old stereotype that a gay man could NOT be a prom king but rather a prom queen.

  • dazzer

    @Cam: I’m surprised at the brevity of your comment and analysis. Even though I don’t always agree with you, I regularly read your comments for their analysis and ability to challenge my ways of thinking.

    All the comments, thus far,seem to revolve around Nazir Fleming’s sexuality. So let’s change it up a bit.

    Suppose he were straight and stood for election as Prom Queen because he sincerely wanted to make the point that a Prom Queen is the equal of a Prom King? And he campaigned very openly and very actively on that platform. And also said there would be no problem with a straight woman being a Prom King?

    In that instance, it would be a courageous young man living up to the courage of his convictions – and making an interesting point about gender inequalities in society.

    Also, he’d be doing the exact job description of any young person – to whit, challenging the established order of things and the preconceived ideas of his ‘elders and betters’.

    However, because Nazir Fleming is an openly gay man and made his choice to run for Prom Queen as a message of support to transgendered people, somehow his stance is being written off as ‘buying into homophobic stereotypes’.

    The estimable Mr Fleming accepts that he’s gay and understands some of those concerns, but has chosen to challenge stereotypes of what a gay man should or should not be.

    He says that he had the choice of standing for being elected Prom King or Prom Queen and chose Prom Queen, even though he was certain he’d have won as Prom King.

    And I believe him. He’s evidently a physically good-looking member of the human race, he’s clearly an intelligent, thinking, individual and from his comments to Queerty and on Queerty, I’d argue strongly that he has that most elusive quality in so many people: wisdom.

    In short, he’s attractive.

    He’s chosen to use his youth, his beauty, his intelligence and his wisdom to make a point about how other people in society are treated.

    I see nothing homophobic or stereotypical about that. He had the choice of two ways of progressing in life, and he’s chosen the more difficult one. If he’d chosen to be Prom King, he’d have faced the abuse of people opposed to any form of gay recognition.

    Instead, he chose to put himself in a position wherein he would be attacked by both the natural opponents of gay equality as well as a frankly unevolved sectioin of the gay population who seem incapable of recognising an act of solidarity – which is also intentionally or unintentionally kind with another oppressed section of society.

    I’m standing and applauding Nazir Fleming. People like him give (much) older gay men like me faith in the future for younger gay men like him.

  • Paco

    @Cam: If you read back through the comments you will see some are saying his crowning as queen is damaging to gay men. It’s not. It is only damaging to those not secure with themselves and base their identity on the approval of straights.

    The article at Huffpo said that the students wanted him to be both king and queen, but he chose queen to make a statement. There was nothing bad about it. It didn’t harm me or you or anyone else. So what if it falls into that old stereotype given to us by straights. Some of us are that stereotype. Big deal. No transsexual was denied the crown by him winning it. But now someone that is, will feel like they can be crowned prom queen now. The only negatives I see in this are the gay men that need approval from straights so bad, they see this as some kind of threat to their own acceptance. Acceptance starts from within, not from others.

  • masc4masc

    what the hell is AFAB? gender non-binary? cisgender (which btw spell check flagged)? some of you guys are serious head cases. try male or female – it either has a peen or it don’t! lol making things more complicated than they are is what has some of u so bitter allllll day every day.

  • masc4masc

    @Paco: wrong. part of homophobia and what we’ve been ostracized for from day one is the idea that gay men are nothing but wanna-be women with male anatomy. crowning a boy queen is homophobic, and homophobia is damaging to gay men.

  • Paco

    @masc4masc: if you are feeling ostracized from the straight boys club, that is on you, and you need to find some more evolved straights to be around. You will never be able to control what others think about you or the gay community at large. Again, the students wanted him to be both king and queen. He chose queen. That is not homophobic. I don’t see gay men as wanna-be women with male anatomy and doesn’t stop me from living my life if some bigot thinks that way about me. Why give them so much power over yourself?

  • Franklin

    “I’m not ashamed to dress like a woman because I don’t think it’s shameful to be a woman.”-Iggy Pop.

  • dazzer

    @masc4masc: Sorry, but I have to disagree with you. (I know your comment was to Paco, but I’m obnoxiously jumping in here).

    As gay men, we haven’t been ostracised from day one. If you look through history, there are so many leading, heroic, gay or bi men who have never been characterised as ‘wanna-be women with male anatomy’. Seriously, look up Julius Caesar, look up Alexander the Great, look up King James I of England and VI of Scotland (the man who commissioned the King James bible that’s used so much to oppress us).

    I could write a whole thesis here about how the gay-equals-sissy thing came about, but I’m not going to do it here. (Cue sighing a deep breath of relief.)

    Crowning a boy queen is not homophobic because if it IS homophobic, it means we’re accepting a heterosexual idea of what a homosexual is – and, on the converse, accepting that straight people can insult us by creating a definition of ‘gay’ and then using it against other gay men.

    Unless you’re going to argue that only ‘masculine’ gay men should be deserving of equal rights because they conform to a heterosexual idea of what non-threatening gay men should be like (and, for the record, I’m pretty sure you’re not saying that because I’ve read your posts in the past), well…

    We fight for equality. We want the same equality in law to be applied to everyone, irrespective of whether we agree with them. If they don’t commit crimes, pay their way in society, and are integrated in making our countries as good a place as they can be, then those people are my equal.

    We don’t achieve equality by giving in to what straight people think gay people should be. We achieve equality by working together as gay men who believe we all deserve equality.

    Oh fuck. I said I wasn’t going to write a thesis.

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: The only one bitter here is you, as you play semantics instead of what my actually comment was about. We’re on the internet, if you too dumb to know what gender non-binary means (which is self-explanatory) and if you don’t know what AFAB or cisgender means, then how about you google it. You had no real rebuttal so you just stuck to this. Typical. As I said before the say way you’re bitching about men, gay or straight, acting this way and women acting another way and labeling themselves another way is NO DIFFERENT at all from the same straight people, who you seek to validate you, that say that because you’re a man you should be with women. You’re a hypocrite. That’s the EXACT “logic” you’re using. But, since it doesn’t mesh with you, you call that homophobia as you try to impose masculinity and gender norms on someone else. Gays like you held our community back, it’s the ones like Nasir and RuPaul who lead the movement and caused the movement. While “masc4masc” guys like you were living in your glass closets, only coming out at night to get your penises wet, these people were living the struggle every day and night. It was people like Nasir who were at and started stonewall, while people like you sat in their cubicles pandering to straight people. Have several seats, you’re not smart enough or aware of your own prejudices to have this conversation. Bye girl!

  • Bee Gaga

    @Lvng1tor: Thank you, you saved me from typing out a response.

  • masc4masc

    @Paco: since gays are just 4% of the country, you’d have to be beyond delusional to think 96% of the country just doesn’t matter anymore. let’s not forget the struggle for equality is far from over. so like it or not, we do still have to work with the ‘straight boy’s club’, at least those of us who don’t limit ourselves to gayborhoods, gay bars/clubs and gay-gay-gay 24/7.

    likewise, if you’re feeling offended by guys that don’t like this because how homophobic and stereotypical it is, then that’s on you, and you need to accept that you will never be able to control what others think either. try taking little of your own advice, buddy!

  • masc4masc

    @dazzer: tl;dr

  • dazzer

    @Bee Gaga: I’m not attacking you here. I have enjoyed and support most of what you’ve said here. However, I’m going to stick up my tremulous, shaking, white hand here.

    There are new words like ‘cisgender’ that febrile, exciting youths like yourself understand as words.

    The first time I saw the word, I had to Ixquick it (yeah, like you think I’d just Google it…?) and all I got was a lot of very difficult essays to understand (I’m not an idiot, but I’m a lot older than you and I need to ruminate on concepts because I don\t always understand the way language moves).

    Anyway, after asking someone directly what the hell cisgendered actually means, I was told that it means somone who was born male and identifies as male.

    It’s a transgendered contribution (and – after a time of consideration) welcome addition to the English language. But it’s not a natural word that anyone would understand after a particular age and there are precious few understandable definitions on the internet the last time I looked.

    I totally disagree with you that masc4masc was holding our community back.

    Unless he was actively fighting against gay equality, he was doing nothing wrong. He was merely living his life. I might disagree with his views and you might disagree with his views, but he’s said nothing to suggest he was our enemy overally in terms of a fight for equality..

    I want to write so much more, but this will turn into another bloody thesis.

    But please take away from this that this isn’t an attack on you Bee Gaga. You’re simply great.

    Wish I’d been pretty enough to meet someone like you when I was younger :-)

  • Ogre Magi

    he has a smile that lights up a room

  • masc4masc

    @Bee Gaga: i actually did google some of the terms, and all that came up was a bunch of “queer” this and “queer” that, nothing of any medically recognized significance. like i mentioned, cisgender even gets flagged by spell check lol. and as far as getting my penis wet, it’s always fembots like u BEGGING the hardest. funny how ur ilk comes right down from ur highly evolved “gender non-binary” soapboxes when u want someone to climb ur back. so much for that non-binary BS haha

  • Paco

    1. I am not offended nor am I attempting to change your mind. Merely offering a counterpoint and you can take it as you wish.

    2. You didn’t say so directly, but the implication was there nonetheless. I live in a predominantly straight neighborhood and am out to all my neighbors, including the religious ones. All are friendly to me even though I am most likely seen as one of those scary queens they have heard about. I haven’t stepped foot in a gay bar in years. Not sure what your point was about that.

    3. AND… I agree. We as a community do still need to work with the straight boys club, but on OUR terms, not Theirs. They created the negative image of gay men, not us. I refuse to fit Into their box to get my equal rights. If you want to, then more power to you. I wish you luck with that.

  • masc4masc

    1. “I am not offended nor am I attempting to change your mind.”

    ur clearly offended by any opposing viewpoints, and the essay u wrote earlier about ur failed suicide attempts just proves it. why else would u publicly include something so personal (that no one asked for) unless u hope to change minds?

    2. “You didn’t say so directly, but the implication was there nonetheless.”

    i meant generally those of us who can and do function outside of the gay bubble. the point being that most of the guys with the “who cares what they think” attitudes are the ones who don’t have to care because everything and everywhere they know and go is already gay. not exactly all that in touch with reality.

    3. “We as a community do still need to work with the straight boys club”

    …but who cares what they think? confused.

  • Paco


    1. I’m really not offended. Promise. I shared my story to help show how damaging it can be to someone to not be true to themselves out of fear of rejection or retribution by others. Don’t worry, I made peace with that dark period of my life many years ago, and have grown because of it. I’m just sorry that the only thing you got from it was that I shared too much and that no one asked. As far as the mind changing… I acknowledge that is up to the reader and not me. Do you?

    2. Is just another stereotype since I believe most gay men are not born into or grow up in the gay communities and even when they do move into their gay bubbles as adults, they still face discrimination.

    3. The original quote was “We as a community do still need to work with the straight boys club, but on OUR terms, not Theirs. They created the negative image of gay men, not us. I refuse to fit Into their box to get my equal rights.” What is confusing about that?

    I’ll make this my last post to you on this subject since I run the risk of looking like I am trying to force you to change your mind. Please have the last word. I look forward to reading your reply.

    Best Wishes.

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: The very first thing that showed up, after googling cisgender, and it even showed up in a large box above everything else. “Denoting or relating to a person whose self-identity conforms with the gender that corresponds to their biological sex.” Not that hard to understand. First thing that came up after googling gender non-binary; “[A]n umbrella term covering any gender identity or expression that does not fit within the gender binary.” The only one that wasn’t the very first thing upon googling was AFAB (though it linked to sex/gender assignment at birth and how it relates to queer people and intersex individuals). So, spare me your bs about you actually looking these terms up. My initial point still stands. You have never refuted or attempted to argue any of my points, or yours for that matter. You’re a child, I’m guessing you’re older than me, meaning you’re too damn old to be this clueless. Fembots? That’s cute, I’ll use it for now on. Anything else you wanna say ma’am?

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: Also, I find it hilarious how you mention “medical significance” when nothing you’ve been bitching about has anything to do with medical anything. It’s also laughable how you assume spell check is infallible, many newer terms aren’t “spell check” certified. Hell, many old words aren’t “spell check” certified. Guess what also isn’t? Homophobes. I suppose according to you that must mean it isn’t a real word. Go back to school here I am a freshman in college and educating some “masc4masc” fool on a variety of topics. You got bigger things to worry about than who’s being crowned king and queen sis. Get on it, k?

  • Bee Gaga

    @dazzer: That’s fine, I didn’t mean it as simply being an idiot not to understand the terms (though gender non-binary is literally self-explanatory) I simply meant here we are on the internet and one is complaining that they don’t know what words mean, when google is a tab away. Also, idk what lxquick is, but when I just google the term “cisgender” the first thing that popped up, in a huge box, was the definition I provided in my above comment to “masc4masc.” Lastly, I never said he did anything “wrong,” I simply said people like him are the ones who held our community back, which is a fact. Complacent men who pandered and lived up straight people’s asses. Trying to assimilate whether than seek equality. They were living their life, good for them, nothing wrong with that. But, they did nothing for the advancement of the gay community and their fight for equality. Respectability politics never do. It was the queer people, who lived their gayness everyday that fought for equality. Not people who pretend to be straight out of fear and then go cruise around in parks looking for “masc” men to fool around with. That’s what I meant. I never said it’s wrong, I simply said it held the community back, which it did. Now, those very people, after those queer gays fought for acceptance and fought for THEM, want to shame those very people into being a “man” and not a “woman,” meanwhile they want to cry when straight people tell them “men” don’t sleep with other men. They call that homophobia because it’s not advantageous for them, however, they see no problem with telling another person that “men” don’t become queens. Hypocrisy all up and through here!

  • masc4masc

    @Paco: don’t mind if i do, thanks. to agree that “We as a community do still need to work with the straight boys club” but still hold on to, “who cares what they think” is flat out contradictory. maybe confused was the wrong word. apologies.

  • masc4masc

    @Bee Gaga: yeah, i think i read that definition on queerdictionary. or was it urbandictionary? well, i’m sure u get the point…but won’t be at all surprised if u STILL don’t.


    “did you mean suspender?” haha

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: Nope, your entire point is moot. It was actually wikipedia, btw. Still arguing over semantics, nothing of substance. How typical. Try again kiddo. You’re too old to be this childish.

  • dave lopes

    The problem is in thinking that we are ONE community. We are not.

    We are a group of sexual minorities lumped in together for NOW.

    Maybe we should have a straight man enter the Miss Universe beauty pageant.

  • masc4masc

    @Bee Gaga: wikipedia? a scholar like urself should know most schools don’t accept wiki entries as a reference. sorry that u and ur suspender friends aren’t even important enough for the english language to recognize. tough break.

  • masc4masc

    @dave lopes: “Maybe we should have a straight man enter the Miss Universe beauty pageant.”

    won’t happen because straight guys don’t want female titles.

  • dave lopes


    ahah..so this is a gay male desire…..so maybe many gay males are not 100% male.

  • Bee Gaga

    @masc4masc: Yes, an anyone with half a brain knows that wikipedia includes their references and sources, many of which are reputable sources. Though of course an idiot like you wouldn’t know that? Also, this isn’t a school last time I checked this was a blog site. Try again sweetheart, if you can that is you’ve been intellectually dishonest this entire conversation and one of if not the dumbest people I’ve ever spoken to. What else you got sis, besides semantics? Also, I’m not the “suspender” in this conversation, you are. If you actually took the time out to understand what the word means, aside from being queeny and bitchy (yet you want to bemoan someone being titled a queen, oh the irony).

  • Cam


    Hi Dazzer, I get where you’re coming from on this. Actually I didn’t see anything in there that said he could have run for either and chose queen because it said that he was voted by his peers. Schools can be different, in the school I went to, people were nominated for king or queen without anybody running for it, then the voting took place. So it was my assumption….maybe wrong, that he was nominated for queen by members of his school, therefore buying into the stereotype.

    If he wanted to run for queen because he thinks he’s fabulous and would look good in a tierra, then more power to him. My assumption was that the school named him to run for queen and he bought into it.

    Thanks for pointing out a different interpretation!

  • Lixer

    Wait. He’s gay right. Not a transgender? So why is he accepting the title as Queen. Forget Transphobia here….aligning yourself with a title that also serves as a slur towards homosexuals, you are kind of diminishing the your stance on the LGBT community. I am sure there were snickers of him being crowed a “Queen”……

  • dave lopes


    It could be his way of slowly coming out as transgender. He might make the full transition in a few years.

    We may be underestimating the number of transgenders among “gay” men.

    The next wave of “coming out” could be some “gay men” accepting that they are transgender and coming out. Magic Johnson’s gay son is a perfect example.

  • DK

    There’s always a handful of gay men who’s entire identity is predicated on what straight people think of them. Of course they’re the one whining and crying here over a big pile of nothing.

    It makes me even more glad that the next generation will soon be taking over. I work with kids Nasir’s age and younger. And guess what? They don’t care. They know some gay guys are masculine. They don’t care. They know some gay dudes are feminine. They don’t care. They know some gay dudes are kinda both. They don’t care. They know some masculine gays prefer to be recognized only as such. They don’t care. They know some gay dudes take traditional gender roles seriously. They don’t care. They know some gaydudes play around with gender roles in a serious way. They don’t care. They know some gay dudes play around with gender roles in a completely offhand way meaning nothing. They don’t care.

    Straights my age are still hewing to the homophobic stereotype which says gays are masculine. Gays my age are so spooked by this internalized homophobia that they are terrified that *any* gay dude be perceived as womanly. Meanwhile, straight and gay kids recognize that 1. individuals are different and 2. there’s nothing wrong with femininity anyway.

    Queen, girl, feminine is not a slur. Masculine, bro, king is not inherently better. There’s nothing wrong with a male queen. There’s nothing wrong with a male king. People are different. Once again, from the mouths of babes comes the truth.

    So besides congratulating this kid for his moment, who gives a crap? It reminds me of a parent who couldn’t believe straight male teenagers hold hands, sit on each others’ laps, and are still straight. I told him to do his gender issue therapy on your own time, not on our students. Because, newflash: they really do not care.

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