forced separation

Gay Male Vultures Split Up So Zookeepers Can Force One To Have Sex With a Woman

German zookeepers are splitting up Guido and Detlef, a same-sex pair of vultures. So they’ll screw some chicks.

Officials at the Allwetter Zoo in Muenster are removing one of the vultures and sending him to a Czech zoo to mate with a female. And they’re brushing off any criticism by insisting the gay vultures made a lousy home: “The other vultures kept stealing the material they used for the nest,” says a zoo spokeswoman. A nest they’ve spent the last several months building together. (Both vultures are 14-years-old; vultures live to about 25 in the wild though sometimes 30 in captivity.)

And while we can debate whether non-humans are ever really “gay” (or just exhibit same-sex behavior) until the gay cows come home, who here would want to be ripped away from their partner and forced to breed with the opposite sex?

It’s unclear whether the zookeepers plan to return the vulture back to Germany after his forced copulation is complete.

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9 Comments

  • Comixbear

    This basically shows that straight sex is for the birds.

  • Kent

    Look how well accessorized those gay vultures are. Fab.

  • Vman455

    I’m sure you mean one vulture is going to be forced to have sex with a female vulture (or “hen”; males are “hocks”), not a human female (or “woman”)?

    /semanticspolice

  • Sceth

    “…who here would want to be ripped away from their partner and forced to breed with the opposite sex?”
    Nonhuman animals are granted no freedom of decision. They merit no protection unless at our whims; the comparison does not hold.

  • CJ Maciejeski

    @Sceth: “Nonhuman animals are granted no freedom of decision. They merit no protection unless at our whims; the comparison does not hold.”

    one would think people often accused of being nonhuman might be able to see the connection.

    Anyone wanna lay odds that the vulture’s cloaca is gonna be synched up tighter than fort knox around his new hag?

  • OrchidIslander

    The gay vulture is gonna be forced to have sex with a woman? I hope they make a video because I really, really would like to see that. Does that make me a bad person????

  • adman

    Why don’t the zookeepers just jack off the vultures? I mean who loves a nice circle jerk more than a straight German after all?

  • ron

    @adman: Ah, die grossen schwanz!

  • Sophie

    hmmmm… the poor woman… wouldn’t there be more of a point to them trying to get the bird to mate with another bird?

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