A gay man in Ireland has reached out to famed advice columnist Dear Deidre for help. His predicament: he’s fallen for a co-worker who’s married to a woman. In a twist, however, the gay man is sure his co-worker is gay as well.
“Dear Diedre,” he writes to The Irish Sun. “A work colleague I’ve fallen for is buff, handsome and has a great beard. He ticks all the boxes for what I look for in a man and I’m sure he is gay – but he’s married to a woman.”
“I’m a gay guy of 24 and this man is 38,” the reader elaborates. “He is the team leader and is responsible for showing me the ropes in the factory where we work. We have so much in common – we support the same football team and play the same video games. He spends so much time with me and we have such a laugh. I look forward to my shifts.”
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“I think constantly about making a move on him,” he admits. “What should I do?”
As usual, Deidre responds with her sensible advice.
“You must say nothing,” Deidre writes. “This man is happily married and you could just end up making things embarrassing for both of you.”
“We can all have unrequited love and it is sad,” she admits. “But he is not free to be with you right now. If he knows you’re gay and, deep down, he is too, then if he likes you he’ll say something. Try to keep things professional between you so that you can continue to enjoy a good working relationship.”
“My support pack,” she further offers, “Gay Resources, may help you to find somebody special.”
Dear Deidre has a long history of offering gentle advice to LGBTQ people. Just last week, she advised a closeted man how to tell his wife about his clandestine rendezvous with other men.
rand503
In addition, the team leader may, if he says or does anything, open himself and the company to accusations of sexual harassment. Furthermore, liking the same team and playing a few video games doesn’t qualify as having much in common.
The very most he can hope for is a fling. Risking your job for a short term relationship that will inevitably end in tears is simply not a smart thing to do.
jeters
xmeet.fun – excellent project for adults who want to find a partner for sex!
AxelDC
There’s no excuse for adultery. Don’t get involved with someone who is involved with someone else.
o.codone
Um, gays have the highest percentage of “open” relationships compared to other groups. So, your comment didn’t make sense to anyone who read it. That’s not how we do it.
bvick1636
How great it is for him to have someone as nice & gay friendly as DEAR DEIDRE to write. Of course, I agree with her. It must be fairly obvious to the team leader this man likes his boss very much. If the team leader has any feelings in return he will initiate something like a meeting OUTSIDE of work. So the young man, for now, should just enjoy that he gets to be with a man he adores working for, BUT LET HIM make the first move AND that it be outside of work for both of their protections.
avesraggiana
What’s he to do? ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.
LumpyPillows
So many reasons this is a bad idea. Very selfish of him to consider it, but totally in step with the self-centered me culture. Very stupid of him to jeopardize his job.
lord.krath
Man wants what he can’t have. Oldest story in the book. He shouldn’t do anything. He should be a good human/ man and keep these emotions to himself and look for someone that is available.
Catholicslutbox
Write more Reddit fan fiction.
Fahd
Did the guy think that if he told Diedre the other guy was buff, handsome, etc., that she would say well considering he’s so good looking, I advise you to “go for it”?
As usual, Diedre nailed it in her advice, but I also might have added that the guy may want to consider a job transfer or new position (not sure what the job market in Ireland is) because sometimes “the heart wants what the heart wants” and that can lead to quiet desperation or imprudent acts.
Oranos
Aristotle would look at this and call it a relationship based on “pleasure.” Same interests (allegedly) and the guy is buff, handsome. Not a word about the guy’s virtuousness (Aristotle would consider that supremely important) or what kind of person he is.
Infatuation is hard for some people to distinguish from genuine Love, because in one case, you want to GET something. In Aristotle’s Universe, genuine Love comes from the giving, not that “wanting-to-get.”
This gentleman is in lust, and it’s going to get him in trouble, if not his co-worker. Not a good foundation for getting involved in any way you care to look at it.
Tim44309
I think you’re advice is really on target. Remaining in that situation will never be easy. I once found myself in a similar situation and did just that, but I was able to transfer to a different location in my company.
cc423
‘Dear Deidre has a long history of offering gentle advice to LGBTQ people. Just last week, she advised a closeted man how to tell his wife about his clandestine rendezvous with other men.”
Now wouldn’t it be interesting….
But yeah he needs to back off of married guys… gay or straight.
Troyfight
Well, it happens. My friend in another state has done this with his straight-married co-worker (actually a few). And the married guy can’t get enough. Yep on the downlow. I actually think it’s wrong because of the adultry aspect. Never happened to me, but have never been really raging for another co-worker.
Hdtex
I’ve seen this porn before.
Harley
Sexual harassment lawsuit in 3….2…..1
DuMaurier
Get him drunk.
(I just read the headline)