GOP Ladies’ Man Herman Cain Basically Quits GOP Presidential Race

Accused sexual harraser and payer-off of women, GOP Presidential candidate Herman “Godfather’s Pizza” Cain, has just announced his intention to more or less quit his campaign. Despite the great number of Stockphoto women who support him, the anti-gay candidate has just been so distracted helping out so many women in need that it’s distracted him from actually running for president. He said he’s gonna set up a website so his “ideas” stay in the media, but he also said that he’ll endorse some other candidate this coming week. So… good riddance. Now he can devote his life to full-time female ASSistance.

Image via Gage Skidmore