A North Carolina woman has found herself caught between a rock and a hard place. Her bisexual husband wants to have a threesome with another man, but she’s just not sure if she’s OK with the idea. So she’s seeking advice from columnist N. John Shore Jr. at the Asheville Citizen Times.

“My husband wants to have a threesome with me and another man we know,” the woman writes. “I don’t know whether to entertain the idea or cry.”

The woman explains that she’s known the guy since high school and, like her husband, he’s openly bisexual.

“I was friends with him, but my husband just recently started to talk to him. I liked him well enough until he started sending naked pictures to my husband.”

To make things even more awkward, the man recently started dating her younger sister.

“So things have gotten a little weird,” the woman says.

Ya think?!

She continues,”My husband originally brought up the idea of him and this other man doing sexual things without my involvement, as well as a threesome. I tried discussing both options with him, but the more we talked about the whole subject, the more frustrated and insecure I felt.”

She insists it’s not the bisexuality that bothers her (she grew up in a same-sex household), but rather her own need for monogamy.

“I was also raised to believe that relationships should be monogamous in all ways, especially in regards to sex. I’ve always prided myself on being open-minded, but I cringe at the idea of sharing my husband with anyone, whether I’m present or not.”

She wonders: “Should I be open to the things he wants to try?”

In his response, N. John Shore tells the woman that no one should feel “coerced into doing anything that makes them cringe.”

“Put simply,” he says, “you’ve got a decision to make. Namely, are you OK with your husband having sex outside your marriage? If you are, then, on his way out the door, pat your husband on the back and hand him a condom. If you’re not, then your husband becomes faced with a question he must answer for himself.”

That question, Shore says, is: “Is my desire to have sex outside of my relationship worth the cost of what having that sex will do to my relationship?”

Shore says the woman and her husband must both figure out what they each need/want/believe/can and cannot live without.

“The only way to figure out all of that is to have an honest, heart-to-heart conversation between you and yourself, and then another one between you and your husband,” he writes.

He concludes his response with an aquatic metaphor, writing: “The waters into which your husband wants you to jump are tricky, rapid and deep. He can leap right off that cliff if he must, but don’t you hold his hand and leap with him until, and only if, you know yourself to be ready for that.”

What advice would you give this woman? Share your thoughts in the comments below.

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