Is Jonny Makeup For Real?

MM: Life isn’t all champagne wishes and caviar dreams for P. Hilty. She’s constantly affronted by the blogosphere and the YouTube-niverse for being a daft, worthless twat. If Paris picks you to be her BFF, aren’t you afraid of catching some of that heat?

JM: Oh, I already do! Gawker loves to make fun of me. I don’t care that they hate my voice or my band or me; I was born for negative attention. My psychic told me the first word she thinks of when she looks at me is “courage.” Blog commenters sit in front of their dumb computers and take time to write about me. It means I’m on their brain or the tip of their tongue. In the words of Paris, “I loves it.” [Editor’s note: I had never heard of this man until about two weeks ago.]

MM: VIP Party Boys were recently on the Tyra Banks Show talking about Bear’s rehab experience, and Peter Party spits rhymes on VH1’s The (White) Rapper Show. Jonny, tell me truth: is this just a rue for the VIP Party Boys to dominate reality TV, or do you really, genuinely want Paris to be your bestie?

JM: I kind of really do wanna be her BFF. When I met her at Coachella, I felt a deep connection. And when I watched the Simple Life? OMG I just wanted to be with her and Nicole Richie having a gorgeous time and just doing hi-jinks! If we took over both of the party scenes, it’ll be the most revolutionary scene since the Club Kids were on Geraldo.

MM: Since your stint in Los Angeles, you’ve been politically active by participating in American Apparel’s “Legalize LA” immigrant rights march. How was the march?

JM: I had my life-size cut-out of Paris and I designed her a “Legalize LA” dress. I felt very political just like wacky Kathy Hanna [ed.: That’s Kathleen Hanna, ex-frontwoman of rebel grrrrls Bikini Kill].

Just because I’m materialisitc and all about me doesn’t mean I don’t like to help people, too. I did get some heat from some Latin queen. She was like, “Why are you hangin’ with Paris? She’s a rich bitch.” And I told her I’m a rich bitch living in LA now, and just cause we’re not Latin or immigrants doesn’t mean Paris and I don’t care too. Hello?! We need more people to hire to work for us!

MM: Tell me about meeting Paris Hilton at Coachella.

JM: Oh my God! You’re gonna gag! Okay, so we went to T-Mobile party, me and [the Misshapes’] Geordon Nichol and Cory [Nitta, of LA electronic folksters Philippians], who’s gonna produce my solo album, and the girl with the bangs from The Hills [Stephanie Pratt] put a wristband on me.

Cory and Geo came up to me and were like, “Are you ready to meet Paris?” And I was like, “O-M-F-G she’s not here. No way.” But then I looked on the couch and there was Nicky [Hilton]. She has to be here. I saw her at the bar with Benji [Madden], in pastel, super tall, glowing… I was gaggin’ with anticipation. Geordon said just go up to her. So I went up to her and buried my face in her chest for like 30 seconds and wouldn’t let go. Benji looked at me like any jealous boyfriend would and then was like, oh it’s just some gay boy. I asked her if she was ready to be best friends and she said “loves it.”

I told her my dad moved me to L.A. ‘cause I had a nervous breakdown in New York and I couldn’t wait for both of us to wreak havoc in L.A. and she was like “loves it.” We were talking but she was with her boyfriend so I didn’t want to bother here. So I was with my friend Agyness [Deyn] who’s a supermodel and we started dancing. And Geordon went up to Paris and Benji and apologized on my behalf and Paris said to Geo, “He is gorgeous. I love him.”

Then Daft Punk’s “Digital Love” came on, and Paris and I pointed to each other from across the room and started singing and then she and Benji were leaving and I blew her a kiss and she caught it. OMG, that was the most magical moment!