Jamey Rodemeyer’s Mom Talks About The Pain Of Her First Mother’s Day Without Her Son

Little did I know that Sunday, May 8, 2011 would be my last Mother’s Day with both my children. Half my life was taken away from me on Sept. 18, 2011. This is when my son Jamey committed suicide. I began to reexamine my life: Why am I here? Why do I exist? Do I deserve to remain on this Earth when my son is no longer with us? My children were my life, the air that I breathed, the reason for my existence. The blood that ran through me was inside both of them. This Mother’s Day I will ask myself a question I ask myself every day: Do I deserve to be recognized on Mother’s Day after all that has happened? This Mother’s Day will be the hardest ever.

I do know that now that my son is in Heaven, he understands why I did the things I did. I wasn’t there to just be his friend all the time; at times I had to be the mother who showed him the difference between right and wrong, taught him the ways of the world, and gave him the strength to grow wings so that one day he could fly away on his own. Little did I know that I was building the wings that he would soon use in Heaven. He must have some rather large wings, as I can feel him watching over me all the time, especially in my saddest moments, when I need him the most…

How do I plan on spending Mother’s Day 2012? It might be a day of just lying in bed, wishing these last eight months were nothing but the worst nightmare of my life. But I must remember that I have a beautiful, intelligent, spectacular daughter to be with and pull it together for her. I will wake up with my husband Tim by my side, we will all have breakfast (hopefully prepared for me), and then I will call my mother, 1,300 miles away, to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. I will talk to her as she opens her gift from me and hear how happy she is with it. This year is special, as I got my daughter (who will hopefully be a mother someday), my two sisters, and my mom the same thing I got myself: an angel decoration to remind us all that Jamey is now our angel, and that he has been watching over all of us and will continue to do so until we meet up with him someday.

Jamey Rodemeyer‘s mother Tracey laments the loss of her son, a gay teen who filmed an “It Gets Better” video but committed suicide after intense bullying at school.

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