Jamey Rodemeyer’s Mom Talks About The Pain Of Her First Mother’s Day Without Her Son

Little did I know that Sunday, May 8, 2011 would be my last Mother’s Day with both my children. Half my life was taken away from me on Sept. 18, 2011. This is when my son Jamey committed suicide. I began to reexamine my life: Why am I here? Why do I exist? Do I deserve to remain on this Earth when my son is no longer with us? My children were my life, the air that I breathed, the reason for my existence. The blood that ran through me was inside both of them. This Mother’s Day I will ask myself a question I ask myself every day: Do I deserve to be recognized on Mother’s Day after all that has happened? This Mother’s Day will be the hardest ever.

I do know that now that my son is in Heaven, he understands why I did the things I did. I wasn’t there to just be his friend all the time; at times I had to be the mother who showed him the difference between right and wrong, taught him the ways of the world, and gave him the strength to grow wings so that one day he could fly away on his own. Little did I know that I was building the wings that he would soon use in Heaven. He must have some rather large wings, as I can feel him watching over me all the time, especially in my saddest moments, when I need him the most…

How do I plan on spending Mother’s Day 2012? It might be a day of just lying in bed, wishing these last eight months were nothing but the worst nightmare of my life. But I must remember that I have a beautiful, intelligent, spectacular daughter to be with and pull it together for her. I will wake up with my husband Tim by my side, we will all have breakfast (hopefully prepared for me), and then I will call my mother, 1,300 miles away, to wish her a happy Mother’s Day. I will talk to her as she opens her gift from me and hear how happy she is with it. This year is special, as I got my daughter (who will hopefully be a mother someday), my two sisters, and my mom the same thing I got myself: an angel decoration to remind us all that Jamey is now our angel, and that he has been watching over all of us and will continue to do so until we meet up with him someday.

Jamey Rodemeyer‘s mother Tracey laments the loss of her son, a gay teen who filmed an “It Gets Better” video but committed suicide after intense bullying at school.

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  • twoguysbrooklyn

    What a tragedy! The lack of humanity in people makes me sick to my stomach. God bless this boy.. really.

  • 1equalityUSA

    Dear Ms. Rodemeyer,
    There is a theory that we choose our lives and our parents and everything that happens to us, including our deaths, before ever having entered into these flesh bodies. I’ve witnessed many deaths in my career and have contemplated why our spirits are put into these sacks of molecules for short stints of time. I’ve wondered why some people have easier fates than others, why some carry the burden of disease, why some grow up in bodies that are hated by others. Even miscarriages are lessons, as women are never the same after experiencing life that breathed no air. The impact we have on each other, the words we string together, the ideas presented, challenging all in our periphery all bounce off of one another. Your son was young, but his life was not in vain. The impact he had on you and this earth is forever cast onto our story. The tears shed are our minds grieving, release. Tears are emotions made tangible. The pool of humanity in which Jamey had been immersed has forever been altered. Too short, you say, his potential abbreviated? The lesson is clear. For your having talked about him, other parents might become sensitive to an young person’s inability to rectify shame. Words are your gift. My tears are not for your son, they’re for you. Your road is long and your heart is heavy. Jamey’s burden is lifted, but yours has only begun. Shame has no place in your life. Shame has not been a friend to you and your family. Proceed without it and know that your words will suffice. I wish for you peace of mind and heart. I want for you to have strength to trust what is and know that no other path would have been, because you, as Jamey, chose this. What love a spirit must have had to have chosen such a difficult road. Life is temporary, our spirits are not.

  • I won't grow up

    To Tracey; may you be comforted by the your faith in the angels.
    To 1equalityUSA, your words are beautifully comforting and I am at a loss to add anything.

  • Billysees

    Your sentiments here need to be repeated many times. And in fact, they should be made redundant forever.

  • Geoff B

    Tracey,you will always be your son’s mother. So yes you deserve to celebrate that. You deserve to be celebrated. I can’t imagine the pain you still must feel, but know your son is watching over you and is in no more pain and one day you’ll be reunited with him in a place with no bullying, no pain, and no meanness. Till that time comes, please keep bringing your message out there and try to take comfort in the good that it will do. Wishing the best for you and your family.

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