A man says his friend is cheating on his wife with other men, and he’s not sure how to handle the situation, so he’s turning to Dear Abby for help.
“I have a friend, an acquaintance really, who once confessed to me that he is bisexual,” the man begins. “This is not a big deal because I am as well. The problem is, his wife doesn’t know he’s bi or that he secretly meets men for sex.”
The definitely sounds like a sticky situation, especially if they hang out together. Talk about a major elephant in the room.
The man continues, “I have repeatedly advised him that he shouldn’t be doing that and he needs to tell his wife. But all that got me is he ceased talking to me. I don’t know if he’s still doing it, but I’m assuming so.”
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Now he wonders: “What, if anything, should I do or say? Should I tell his wife?”
In her response, Abby tells the guy she needs to get in touch with this man’s wife ASAP and let her know what’s going on.
“Put yourself in the wife’s situation,” she writes. “If your spouse or significant other was having sex with multiple partners, wouldn’t you want to know?”
Moral arguments aside, Abby says this is really about health. If this woman’s husband is sleeping around, regardless of whether he’s doing it with men, women, or both, he’s putting his wife at risk by not being honest with her.
“If you tell her, she can have her doctor test her for exposure to any number of STDs — all of which are on the rise,” Abby adds. “Please don’t wait.”
What do you think of Dear Abby’s advice? What would you suggest this man do? Sound off in the comments section below…
rikard_pearson
a few thoughts about this bad advice: 1 mind your own business, 2 don’t out others, 3 don’t assume he is doing anything unsafe, 4 mind your own business.
robertkalin
Brilliantly stated.
Rio50
As simple as that. Best repply
Nosso Crankee
Perfect counsel. Perfect.
Georgeiv2
You got in in one ,That nail was hit squarely on the head .
bitoronto
Couldn’t have stated it better.
tf3.0
Absolutely tell the wife. If he is not using protection, he is putting her life at risk.
Paulie P
I think you need to take over her column!
robertkalin
Rikard-peasron. Brilliantly stated. Abby is giving poor advice here.
LARRY
just a thought…and me thinks its a bit relevant on a whole lot of levels…mind your damn business and stay out of others.
UlfRaynor
Well, I guess we can see who all the cheating gay/ bisexuals are on this comment section.
Abby’s right, her approach is wrong.
He should go to the husband and let him know if he doesn’t tell his wife then he will, let him wallow in the mess of his own making it’s all he deserves.
Abby’s absolutely right, no telling what kind of std’s he could have already exposed his wife too.
TajPoint0
Finally someone with some damn morals in here lol
JED08
Have to agree with Abby. If husband tells the wife what he’s doing, then all is good.
Doctor Benway
No, that’s a very bad advice. It’s not a question of being a cheater or not.
Mind your own business (and that goes for every other similar situations).
That’s none of your business, that’s their problems, don’t get involve, they are old enough, they aren’t children. And you know what, getting involved will only get you problems you don’t want, life is complicated enough to try to solve other people problems.
RosemarysBaby
I wholeheartedly agree! (Fantastic comment handle, by the way. Burroughs is a god.)
controversial2019
I’m in the ‘none of your business’ camp.
How does he or Abby know that any health is at risk? They don’t.
How do they know whether since ‘coming out as bi’, the husband has told his wife and they’re now in an open relationship where he CAN explore those interests? And where a stranger (to her!) bringing it up would be potentially humiliating; being in an open relationship is one thing…others knowing it’s open (due to stigma) is another.
Definitely should stay out of it.
TajPoint0
Because he stopped being friends with him when he told him to stop cheating. That’s how it’s blatantly obvious there’s no open relationship.
radiooutmike
How does he know that the wife doesn’t know?
All you can do is tell your acquaintance to be safe and get tested. That’s it.
Kenover
Bisexuals are like double agents. No one can trust them.
bitoronto
: )))
fab0497
Hey, watch how you talk, because now a bisexual will come to tell you that you’re biphobic.
Smith David
As an African American Man. It’s instinctual for me to mind my dam business. Especially in this case. Mind ya dam business.
bitoronto
Single Out biman here, previously in a monogamous marriage with a woman.
The moral issue aside, my Question is, Why is this biman so invested in another man’s life? An acquaintance even.
No skin in the game but yet he thought writing to dear abby was a sound decision.
So much wrong with this.
justgeo
If he and the dude are ‘really’ friends I would state my concerns to him and ask about his potential ‘arrangement’ with his wife and walk away. You assholes he is already involved by knowing both parties—unles all you a-holes do is text.
bitoronto
Clearly states acquaintance. Different from friends. Also, the married man obviously confided in this guy because he wanted to signal he was available…to him. For some strange reason he trusted this man. And we know that backfired. What we don’t know is what arrangement the husband & wife had, if any. What we do know is that this single biman is spending a lot of personal time concentrating on another man’s life.
JaredMacBride
This will not end well for the tattle tale. The husband will wind up hating him for being a yenta and the wife will hate him because he brought bad news. Both will question his motives. Leave it alone.
Chaz
I disagree with the advice. The dude should mind his own business and not tell his wife. How does he know the wife does not already know he is bi or indeed sleeps with other people. People have open relationships. Just because he is sleeping with other people, does not mean he is not being safe and cautious. The busy body dude is barely and acquaintance by his own admission and should clearly be minding his own business.
TajPoint0
If the wife knew about it, the man wouldn’t have stopped being friends with him when he told him he should stop cheating on his wife. So…all these “Well what if she knows? What if they’re open?” are just…not logical.
Yooper
Firstly, I’m in the mind your own business camp. Secondly, the wife knows, if her husband “sleeps with tons of guys”, she knows, or she is in a coma, which in that case, carry on.
TajPoint0
So you’re saying if she’s too stupid to know she’s being cheated on then oh well too bad? Damn..
CityguyUSA
How many of you have told the person that was having sex with you have gone and found their significant other to tell of their cheating ways?
RandomGuy
Tell her because aside from the husband cheating on her it may save her from contracting something from the lying creep.
jlogb
Sounds like the bi guy is a but too obsessed with his buddy’s personal life. Leads me to believe he probably got turned down and is now jealous. Tricky one here because the woman clearly could be at risk… typical drama trap. Such a John David!!