Mario’s Hairy Nips Cause Scandal, Plague, Destruction

Oh no! It seems Mario Lopez’s twisted world of lies has come crashing down:

Recently named to a magazine’s hot bachelor list, Mario was asked during the accompanying interview if he “manscapes,” which means removing excess body hair via waxing, shaving, laser or plucking. He responded, “Not at all. That’s the Latin Indian blood in me. My Dad has a hairy chest, but I don’t.”

So how come he has a hairy chest in this 2003 photo… and a bare one in a more recent one?

Whatever. There are, like, three hairs on his tits in the picture on the left. Maybe they just fell out. Or, possibly, Lopez is a narcissistic monster who won’t stop until the entire world wants to rub up on his smooth, seamless chest.

Someone call heaven, we need Robert Stack stat!