Marital woes

Married man grapples with bisexual urges and being faithful to wife, seeks advice

A bisexual man in Chicago is having trouble balancing his attraction for men with being faithful to his wife, so he’s seeking words of wisdom from queer advice columnist Rainbow Man.

“I am a 42-year-old married bisexual guy,” the man explains. “Before marriage, I have had sex with 3 guys. After marriage, it stopped, but resurfaced. I met 3 guys later, though it wasn’t sex, it was cuddling, hugging, caressing.”

OK, so what’s the issue?

The man continues, “Even if I am not failing in any of my duties, responsibilities towards my wife, am I cheating her, though I only give in to my instincts every now and then? It happens once in a while.”

He signs the letter “Confused Man.”

In his response, Rainbow Man starts out by clearing up any myths about bisexuals, in general.

“Bisexuals are capable of complete monogamous relationships with their spouses of any gender,” he says. “And there are bisexuals who live non-monogamous relationships as well. It depends on the person himself and what he prefers.”


Now, as for the man’s guilt over “cuddling, hugging, caressing” with other dudes behind his wife’s back, Rainbow Man says honestly is probably the best policy.

“I can only tell you what I would have done if I was in your place,” he writes. “I would have informed my woman wife about my encounters after educating her slowly about sexuality and gender.”

He encourages the husband to put himself in his wife’s shoes.

“How would you react if your wife had an affair with other women or other men? Will you be accepting?” he asks. “You can’t expect women to accept things that you don’t accept the same.”

Ultimately, Rainbow Man says, the husband should come clean and tell his wife what he’s been up to. Who knows? Maybe she’ll be fine with it.

“Believe me,” he writes, “sometimes, we underestimate people’s understanding.”

What do you think? Should this guy tell his wife he’s bisexual, or is it fine to keep things on the DL? Share your thoughts on the matter below…

h/t: The Quint