Michael Lucas’ Blow-By-Blow

lucasthinks.jpg
Michael Lucas knows you want to know every detail of his day. That’s why the ageless porn mogul posted a very special rundown of his actions on May 8th, 2007. It’s a pretty typical day. Lucas has breakfast with his boyfriend, runs his highly successful business and chats with a lovely German mag, EreXXXion. Nothing spectacular.

Until around the five o’clock mark. That’s when things got heavy…

5:00 PM — Came across a link to Queerty.com that someone sent me. Hadn’t read anything so hateful towards me in a long time. I was surprised how it really put me down. It made me feel like I didn’t want to continue working at this point, so I left for home early.

5:30 PM — While walking home I was thinking to myself that, Yes, perhaps I am really vain. But I kept in mind the nature of the business I am in. Do I really look as ugly as this blog portrays me? I am 35… is this just a pre-midlife crisis? I really shouldn’t read hateful blogs. On the other hand, the guy who writes that thing is probably making $7 an hour, has never traveled anywhere beyond New Jersey, and is definitely not on my comp list. Maybe I am just getting more sensitive with age. Maybe…

Oh no! Poor Michael. We’re sorry, you pouty love machine. We didn’t know that comparing you to that dreadful old hag, Medusa would cut so deep. You’re nothing like Medusa. Honest. But don’t worry, your face has definitely turned – and will continue to turn -many a man into stone. Wink, wink…

As for your description of us – we’ve never felt so close to you. Seriously. It’s as if you’ve written our life story! It’s so spot on, it’s sort of creepy. Now we know what Rockwell feels like…

Hopefully Lucas will find it in his heart to forgive us. We’re even willing to look past the temporal liberties (we know for a fact he saw our good-hearted ribbing before five o’clock). Even if Lucas doesn’t forgive us, we’ll rest easy knowing he’s got loads of love and support:

10:30 PM — …Checked my inbox, where I had an email from Harvey Fierstein. I haven’t heard from him in at least two months. He said he loved how my column is going in the New York Blade, so I emailed him back. His words made me fell much better. Life isn’t so awful after all… There are still people who like me. 🙂

Emoticon, indeed. Here’s one for you, Mr. L: – from us to you.

Editor’s Note:
We still haven’t decided which Lucas-endorsed image we want to use as his permanent picture. We’re leaning toward the second one from the aforementioned post. Thoughts?

Also, are we the only ones who think those emoticon hearts look like farts? Stop using them. People think you’re just passing gas…