Michele Bachmann: “I Have The Spirit Of A Pedophiliac, Clown-Faced, Serial Rapist In Me”

America’s sweetheart Michele Bachmann surprised the universe by announcing her Republican presidential candidacy yesterday just before comparing herself to clown-faced serial killer John Wayne Gacy, a man who raped and murdered 33 teenage boys before burying most of them under his house.

You see, Bachmann in her historical prowess meant to compare herself to John Wayne—the white supremacist, draft-dodger who bored generations with his portrayals of stoic cowboys and do-or-die generals—how butch. But that John Wayne grew up in Winterset, Iowa more than three hours away from her Fox News interview in Waterloo, Iowa.

The John Wayne who grew up in Waterloo, Iowa was John Wayne Gacy—a serial rapist and torturer of teenage boys. Whoops.

No word yet on whether the Gacy family will sue Bachmann for defaming his character by comparing herself to him.