Mike Huckabee Thinks Your Marriage Is An “Unholy Pretzel”

When it comes to crazy metaphors about marriage equality, the right wing can’t be beat. Remember Rick Santorum’s paper towel analogy? Or how about Daniel Heimbach, senior professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, who says marriage equality leads to “”people who love ice cream to marry ice cream“?  Afraid of losing his professional status in the nutburger leagues, Mike Huckabee, failed GOP presidential candidate and full-time blowhard, has come up with his own winning entry: Gay marraige is “an unholy pretzel.”

Huckabee took his tour through the metaphor snack aisle during a speech at a meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention.  “We need to be clear that, when holy matrimony is formed into an unholy pretzel, twisted into perversion — and when the military and the Boy Scouts become test labs for social experiments — we need to be very clear that, male and female, [God] created them,” Huckabee said, displaying his keen argumentative skills.

Huckabee also took the occasion to slam Jason Collins for not being Tim Tebow. In what has become a common rant on the right, Huckabee complained that “it should concern us that we’re living in a culture where a person announces a sexual preference and it’s heroic.” By comparison, Huckabee wondered where were the  “accolades for Tim Tebow who announced that he follows Jesus? He was told to shut up.”  Funny how the religious right always always seems so fixated on the praise and not on the deeds.

Huckabee has struggled with eating issues in the past, so it’s perhaps not a surprise that he thinks in food terms. Perhaps next time around we’ll be chips and dip.

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  • Spike

    Shock & awe. If it was up to this guy, we would all be sent to hard labor camps.

    What else is new?

  • tdx3fan

    You want to know what is a social experiment… Taking someone that suffers from depression due to their lack of acceptance for who they are and sending them to ‘Bauchman’s Camp Cure the Homo” and determining rather or not they will commit suicide afterwards. This asshat has no right to talk about social experiments since he thinks that religion trumps sociology to begin with. Good thing for the rest of us, he is so DEAD wrong its “god awful!”

  • Bob LaBlah

    I think the proper way to deal with these people is to give them a once a week FEATURE than an every other day article. Too much attention is being given to these people who believe that a man in the sky wrote a book that they are channeling.
    I am beginning to wonder if they realize the gay press and blogs are the only ones who bother listening to and print whatever garbage they spew at the moment. Stop and think for a minute……………regardless of how many out-of-desperation comments she made toward gays did the republicans, as an overall whole, line up to support Michele Bachman when it was obvious she was heading to the guillotine for campaign misconduct? Or did they say, through their inactions, “good-bye and good-riddance BITCH?” I’ll go with the latter. This painfully obvious frustrated old fart was treated the same way. Why else was this loser NOT given a prime-time speaking slot at the last convention?

  • murphy0071

    Title is a fraud. Huckabee doesn’t think. He mere regurgitates whatever is the latest lies of the Southern Baptist Convention.

  • Merv

    How could the same state that elected Bill Clinton governor also elect this Neanderthal?

  • 1EqualityUSA

    Huckabee’s son tortured a dog. I’d rather be a pretzel.

  • hf2hvit

    Why is it that he never has anything to say about his serial adulterer republican friends?

    And all why espousing FAMILY VALUES and attempting to legislate the morals of others!!!

  • Harley

    @Merv: it’s called gerrymandering. That’s the only way repugnant-klans can win elections these day. You can thank gerrymandering for Huckabee, Santorum, Bauchman, etc getting elected. If it were just a straight out popular vote the repugnant-klans were be extinct. And the tax cheat tea-baggers would be in prison for tax evasion. And maybe we could get criminal background checks on gun purchases so we can keep the guns out of the hands of felons, which the NRA is against.after-all.

  • Bob LaBlah

    @hf2hvit:……you left off Bob Livingston, the Speaker of the House who snickered along with all the rest of the republicans who impeached President Clinton but ended up losing his job as Speaker because of an extra marital affair. As we all know, Clinton kept his and left office as the most popular ex-president to date, topping even Reagan.

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