Mike Huckabee Thinks Your Marriage Is An “Unholy Pretzel”

When it comes to crazy metaphors about marriage equality, the right wing can’t be beat. Remember Rick Santorum’s paper towel analogy? Or how about Daniel Heimbach, senior professor of Christian ethics at Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary, who says marriage equality leads to “”people who love ice cream to marry ice cream“?  Afraid of losing his professional status in the nutburger leagues, Mike Huckabee, failed GOP presidential candidate and full-time blowhard, has come up with his own winning entry: Gay marraige is “an unholy pretzel.”

Huckabee took his tour through the metaphor snack aisle during a speech at a meeting of the Southern Baptist Convention.  “We need to be clear that, when holy matrimony is formed into an unholy pretzel, twisted into perversion — and when the military and the Boy Scouts become test labs for social experiments — we need to be very clear that, male and female, [God] created them,” Huckabee said, displaying his keen argumentative skills.

Huckabee also took the occasion to slam Jason Collins for not being Tim Tebow. In what has become a common rant on the right, Huckabee complained that “it should concern us that we’re living in a culture where a person announces a sexual preference and it’s heroic.” By comparison, Huckabee wondered where were the  “accolades for Tim Tebow who announced that he follows Jesus? He was told to shut up.”  Funny how the religious right always always seems so fixated on the praise and not on the deeds.

Huckabee has struggled with eating issues in the past, so it’s perhaps not a surprise that he thinks in food terms. Perhaps next time around we’ll be chips and dip.