My long-planned return trip to the queer-friendly mecca of Provincetown turned out to be a journey into what the press said was the vortex of the Delta variant, but my double-vaxxed ass still went, while keeping as clenched as possible. But I was the only tightass!
Even if the clusters of covid positivity that started exploding in July made things cautious again, nothing is going to stop a gay from cracking open a smile from both ends AND a champagne bottle. Besides, the town had enacted an indoor mask mandate on July 25, causing covid numbers to drop (though by that point, tourism numbers had descended somewhat too). And soâin between enjoying the drag shows and chowder in this charming yet edgy burg on Massachusettsâ Cape CodâI was reminded that itâs the social interactions that make Ptown queen.
As usual, I jâadored CREWS QUARTERS, a cozy hotel where I always get good gossip and great times, especially since itâs located smack dab on the main drag, Commercial Street. The place has a sexy retro feel (there are male physique magazines in the lobby), but itâs up to the minute, thanks to the beverage-pouring owner, vibrating pillows, and guests like the twink who told me, âThis is my first time in Provincetown on PrEP, so Iâve been bottoming like crazy!â
Foodwise, itâs lucky that my two favorite spots are outdoors: JOHNâS FOOTLONG (a delightfully lowbrow comfort food station near the edge of the pier) and BUBALAS BY THE BAY, where the seafood and people watching are too, too divine, even if they seated us next to 15 screeching bachelorettes. Thumbs up also for BAYSIDE BETSYâS, FORTUNE COOKIE (old-style Chinese in the food court), SPIRITUS (pizzeria/skateboarder hangout), JOE COFFEE & CAFE, and every single fudge, ice cream, gelato and taffy place for miles. Extra points to the waitress at the Italian restaurant, who after the entree, asked if we were still alive.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
As for a different kind of oral fixation:
DICK DOCK
There may not have been the usual underwear parties going on, but this penile haven on the water, under the Boatslip pool terrace, was in full bloom, especially around 1:30 AM (according to various friends and observers, I swear). One young queen told me he had gotten in the middle of a four-way there the previous night and he was heading back later to try and top his record. Another one said there were ticks flying around the dock, adding Lyme disease to the potential threats in the air. âBut Iâm not worried,â he added. âWhen I get back home, Iâm gonna ask my doctor to give me a Z-Pak.â Gays are so resourceful!
The touching thing (as it were) about the Dick Dock is that for once, the gays are off their Grindr and looking for sex in person. But the fact that itâs so dark that you canât see any faces adds a comforting touch of âYou might as well have stayed on Grindrâ.
TEA DANCE
Every day at 4 PM at the Boatslip, the gays gathered on the pool deck for a lovely and sociable experience to rely on. Itâs on a dock, but the only dick on parade is swathed in Speedos, hot pants, or leather shorts, forcing some actual conversations to happen. LOTS of conversations, since the dance area off to the side is sparsely populated, whereas the pool deck is packed with mature queens, lesbians, Cape Codâs answer to Bushwick types, and bachelorettes having their last fling with nonconformity before settling down with a straight man. Mariah Carey cutouts loomed from one of the rooms on the balcony, making us all a little more conscious of our high notes, though revelers were still bold. âYou meant so much to me in the â90s,â one Southern queen gushed to me, and in the old days, I would have snapped âAnd what am I now? Chopped liver?â but I simply nodded appreciatively. Ptown truly has a calming effect.
RED ROOM
A downstairs cabaret lounge bedecked in red velvet and silver glitter, this gem was the Sunday night host to singer/pianist Billy Hough, the riveting love child of Iggy Pop and Dusty Springfield, and the next night home to the long-running Gesellschaft party, where a mixed crowd of vaxxers danced gaily amidst the tinsel hangings.
On the street, someone scolded me for having missed Andrew Sullivanâs book party. I replied, âHeâs a horrible conservative.â âNo, he isnât,â he answered. âOK,â I said. âHeâs a WONDERFUL conservative.â But sorry, I was busy chewing cut glass that night. And Ptown is a place where you never need to feel bad about missing something, because thereâs always something elseâa better drag queen, a brighter penis. My lobster rolls were on fire all weekend! Thank you, Ptown.
wgs19
Gross
Richieagogo
Thanks Mr Musto for taking us on a most entertaining topsy turvy tour of present day Ptown. Another schlep saved and appreciated!
Mikeymusto
My pleasure.
JB
I used to visit Ptown every summer, but all the wealthy Bostonians and NYers who have bought second homes there have driven up the prices to the point of ridiculousness.
Paulie P
Blame Robert Duffy the then president and perhaps still of Marc Jacobs who was first to pay over a million dollars for a home HE wanted….. and like Broderick and Lane who were in The Producers on Broadway…. all it takes is one to make it happen….. Duffy wanted that house and PAID and the rest followed…. Lane and Broderick were the first to charge over 400 for a Broadway show and now the every person can no longer afford to attend,,,
jcool
forget about what that southern queen said. you meant so much to me in the ’80s!
Mikeymusto
Lol. Hey, I’ll take it.
Kangol2
Absolutely delightful write-up, Michael Musto, and Andrew Sullivan is many things (hypocritical, racist, full of himself, etc.), but “wonderful” isn’t one of them!
Mikeymusto
Agreed. Thank you.
Heywood Jablowme
Why is Andrew Sullivan more famous than Michael Musto is? Life is so unfair!
Mikeymusto
Right?
D_Bro
Mr. Musto,
You lost me right in the beginning. You are not “DOUBLE VAXED”. You received 2 doses on one vaccine. My interest in your story was gone when I realized that you are not educated enough to understand the difference.
D_Bro
typo – “of” one vaccine
Mikeymusto
And I graduated with honors from an Ivy League school.
Cam
Translation:
You were always going to complain about something and that just gave you an excuse.
That said, I stopped reading your post when you messed up “of”. That showed that you weren’t educated enough to use it correctly.
Mikeymusto
“Double: Made of two parts that are similar or exactly the same.” Thanks, bye bye.
jcool
and the library is closed
renren1967
I’m a CT Musto, I wonder if we’re related?
RomanHans
Michael, Iâve loved you ever since your weekly Village Voice columns. Great to read you here but HOW ABOUT A REGULAR GIG SOMEWHERE? Or has Covid killed all attempts at society and culture?
Cam
I feel like I was reading a travel pamphlet, but then a local was adding in all the real parts that the pamphlets leave out.
Thank you for a fun read Michael!
radiooutmike
My gosh reading MM is always a good time!
I like that Musto actually mentions sex in P-Town, the horrors. I’ve been always too scared to search for dick. One, I can’t afford high season rates and two, I’m more of an old bear not a twink. Perhaps this year?
Eric
Was a joy breaking bread with you at CQ; my hubby (the twink) was thrilled by this immortalization and we are thrilled at how you captured the essence of the ptown family đ
Gary Q VV
Enjoyable article on hot, sensible sex. In-person cruising and off the Grindr mill was especially refreshing to hear.
rural queer socialist
Fascinating!
Apparently queer elites enjoy being JO’ed by this BS –
than in millions of queer Afghans likely to be beheaded, stoned, burned alive … or maybe only having their hands cut off.
WHERE are all the queer groups protesting in the streets! with signs and shouts
‘Afghan queer lives MATTER’ … and ‘Defund the Taliban – by defunding Pakistan and Iran’, etc.
And where are all the queer folks DEMANDING that Muslim electeds in the US go to the streets, make resolutions in Congress, in City Hall, etc …
against the Taliban?
Or do American queer folx not care that much about others?
Well?
We’ll see if there are any marches, any protests, in American cities – we’ll see if Muslim electeds REALLY DO want to protect women and girls (cis, trans and alt) and queer guys and gals and others, by denouncing the Taliban, … we’ll see if lots of queer folx get on planes and go to Afghanistan to link arms in a kumbayah/love and justice circles around queer people.
Well?
jcool
i’m sorry, i kind of zoned out. did you say something?
jackmister
Loved your column, Michael!