Coffee Calamity

It’s official: Starbucks’ new holiday cups are turning people gay

We won’t lie: we’re way excited we get to use the word “nontroversy” again. This time, it’s to describe the most recent take on the now-annual Starbucks holiday cup controversy.

In the 2017 iteration, people are doing their damndest to make something out of an illustrated pair of hands that are holding, and many suspect these hands are owned by a pair of clandestine lesbians.

Related: The Starbucks Holiday Cup Wars Are Officially Back

Fox News, for example, is busying itself with grabby headlines like “Starbucks holiday cup causes social media buzz over mystery hands.”

Meanwhile, Business Insider is pointing fingers at another website with “BuzzFeed posted a bizarre theory that Starbucks’ holiday cups ‘might have a gay agenda”.

In general, there’s a lot of this going on:

And this promotional video? Well, people have opinions about it:

Twitter, of course, has wasted absolutely no time when it comes to weighing in on these “mystery hands” — which may or may not be attached to two lesbians who are deeply, monogamously in love.

Have a look-see: 

And some are taking the absurdity to its natural next step, joking that the Starbucks cups have been endowed with magical gay powers:

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  • Paco

    It just wouldn’t feel like Christmas without the over sensitive, rightwingers creating controversy over a disposable paper coffee cup. I guess that’s all they have left since they are losing the battle to keep LGBT as second class citizens.

  • AndThenTheresMax

    Ever notice that every holiday season some “free to be you and me” folk that are a few marshmallows short of a Rice Krisipie square get those noses out of whack over a Starbucks Holiday Cup design on social media? I love how they will never say this to people in person, (probably people would tell them to shower and leave their houses once a year). But give them Twitter and well they are badass and dangerous! Really people? There are: wars, famine, the execution of gays in several countries and let’s not forget all the spontaneous massacres all over the US!! But no! What matters to those “free to be you and me” people is, “the design of this year’s holiday cup makes me feel less than.” #facepalm

    • radiooutmike

      I also especially love the people who also complain about the coffee itself at the end of their rant!

      It’s burnt! No…That’s called flavor.

  • cheekycanadajo

    Up here in Canada we have a far better coffee chain than Starbucks…It’s called Second Cup….and they don’t water down their drinks. That’s my “thing” about Starbucks…less taste, watered down lattes, etc…and it lasts all year ’round. But with this whole “Starbucks Gay agenda” horseshit being flung around…I just gotta laugh. What bunch of asinine slack jawed, mouth breathing morons have LITERALLY nothing better to do with their time…I intensely dislike that I am sharing this planet with these troglodytes. It’s just that most days all we want is A CUP OF COFFEE. No agenda, no politics…just give me my damned coffee, and I don’t want to talk to anyone about the thing that is holding my coffee….I just want to drink it in peace….Those of us who take our coffee very seriously really don’t give a shit about the thing the coffee is in, just as long as we get that coffee in us…that’s the important thing. At home is where we have our special coffee machines and implements and cups…out in the world….JUST GIVE ME MY COFFEE AND THAT’S THAT. Ridiculous.

  • Jack Meoff

    Every year Starbucks baits everyone with their coffee cups and every year everyone falls for it. If nobody reported on it it would lose it’s impact.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      Starbucks has hit on a business style (probably accidentally but maybe intentionally) that nobody else suspected: Right-wingers are too dumb to understand what “boycott” means! They will BUY coffee at Starbucks, EVEN GO OUT OF THEIR WAY TO BUY IT. And when asked for their name when the barista writes it on the cup, they will say something stupid just so the barista has to yell it out.

      This happened last Xmas (oops, I mean “holiday season”) when they went to Starbucks and said the name Trump just so the baristas would have to yell out TRUMP!

      This stunt didn’t embarrass the baristas much, in fact they were mostly amused by it, and Starbucks made a lot of money off the goobers.


  • dinard38

    I laughed at the dumbass’s comment about buying a Starbucks coffee and then videotaping yourself dumping it out and posting it on social media.

    Idiot doesn’t even realize that he would only be boosting Starbucks’ sales. Dummy… you would have to buy the coffee before you can dump it out. So Starbucks already got your money. That’s just like the fools who went out and bought those expensive Keurig machines so they could smash them up online to protest Keurig pulling their commercial on Sean Hannity’s show because Hannity was basically defending Roy Moore.


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