Grand Ole Par-Tay

WATCH: Tampa’s Gay Male Prostitutes Ready For RNC’s Closeted GOPs

For the Republican National Convention, the GOP is ready to put the “ParTy” back in Grand Ole Party and the area’s gay prostitute community is gearing up for its busiest season, with a “record numbers of clients.”

Between all the random Grindr hook-ups and these tantalizing Tampa temptresses, RNC attendees will barely have a free moment to reinforce traditional family values…since they’ll be busy forcing a lot of other things if you catch our drift.

“The average Tampa-area prostitute normally makes $200-$300 a week jerking off truck drivers behind the bus station,” claims “political analyst” Marie Byron in this brilliant satirical video from The Onion. “Next week they’re expecting to make about thirty times that amount sucking off secretly gay Republicans.”

Due to the repressed Republican’s wanton sexual needs, the hustlers are prepared to do the most debased services those kinky conservatives can think up…but those services do NOT come cheap:

$500 for piss play? This recession is really hitting everyone hard. We remember when you could get a good handie for the cost of a Chick-Fil-A value meal. But there we go getting all sentimental again.