Grand Ole Par-Tay

WATCH: Tampa’s Gay Male Prostitutes Ready For RNC’s Closeted GOPs

For the Republican National Convention, the GOP is ready to put the “ParTy” back in Grand Ole Party and the area’s gay prostitute community is gearing up for its busiest season, with a “record numbers of clients.”

Between all the random Grindr hook-ups and these tantalizing Tampa temptresses, RNC attendees will barely have a free moment to reinforce traditional family values…since they’ll be busy forcing a lot of other things if you catch our drift.

“The average Tampa-area prostitute normally makes $200-$300 a week jerking off truck drivers behind the bus station,” claims “political analyst” Marie Byron in this brilliant satirical video from The Onion. “Next week they’re expecting to make about thirty times that amount sucking off secretly gay Republicans.”

Due to the repressed Republican’s wanton sexual needs, the hustlers are prepared to do the most debased services those kinky conservatives can think up…but those services do NOT come cheap:

$500 for piss play? This recession is really hitting everyone hard. We remember when you could get a good handie for the cost of a Chick-Fil-A value meal. But there we go getting all sentimental again.


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  • QJ201

    LOL so damn true

    When the GOP convention was in NYC…male hookers were flying in from all over the country and the working boys I knew were all exhausted after the event.

  • Larkin

    I lol’d.

  • gattsuru

    At least in this context, pony play is a form of (usually BDSM) animal roleplay where one person pretends to have (usually just the best-known traits of) a small horse, usually with a focus on ‘normal’ tasks or goals within the context of being that animal. Most often, the person emulating the animal takes a submissive role while carrying or carting around their dominant master, or being groomed or trained to do tricks by their dominant, although variations for switch or dominant horsemen/horsewomen exist. Restrictive footwear emulating horse feet are common, as are leather and latex and metal outfits inspired by horse tails or horse tack such as bits, bridles, and harnesses. (There’s a stereotype of use of tailed buttplugs, but while these exist they’re usually not used for very long for mechanical reasons).

    While some forms of animal roleplay do feature penetration or sex — there’s a rather popular switchy scene where the submissive partner ‘transforms’ into a sexually aggressive feline or canine that’s well-established in popular culture — pony play is usually more about loss of control and display. As a result, dom-on-sub sex is not particularly common within the kink, and orgasm or penetration is more likely to be related to hurt/comfort or feature two subs invited to ‘breed’ each other (and a lot of folk keep even that to simulated sex).

    It tends to get a ha-ha-Furries response outside of the BDSM communities where it’s common, or the Folsom Street-style events, since it’s a kink where there’s some nonsexual (and sometimes very tame public stuff) that’s comes across as very detached from how most people find sexual release, but as things go, it’s exactly terrifying by the standards of the internet.

    Not my kink, nor am I into paid sex, so I have no idea whether that sort of cost breakdown makes sense in the real world, or pony play just worked for the sake of comedic timing.

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