feeding the press

Robert Pattinson’s Vagina ‘Allergy’ Does Not Make Him Gay, So Stop

Yes, by now we all know that Twilight‘s Robert Pattinson told Details magazine about his “allergy” to vaginas. But this is not, as some blogs theorize, an admission that perhaps he’s less than straight. It is a tried and true marketing tactic that lets celebrity “brands” reach the “gay demographic” without “abandoning core audiences.”

(The video here is potentially NSFW, because there are boobies.)

This is what Robert (or Bob, as real friends call him) said: “I really hate vaginas. I’m allergic to vagina. But I can’t say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours. But I wasn’t exactly prepared. I had no idea what to say to these girls. Thank God I was hungover.”

No, this is not Pattinson saying he’s gay. It’s not Pattinson saying that he hates pussy, either. It is a pullquote used to generate headlines.

Consider the source. It’s Details magazine, people! If ever there was a magazine devoted to letting gay men fantasize about heterosexuals, this is it. By the way Robert’s remarks are included in the article (“He tried to let go a little bit with the photo shoot accompanying this interview—it wasn’t easy,” writes reporter Jenny Lumet), it doesn’t seem like it was crafted by a publicist. But you get a star talking about private parts, and yes, it’s worth printing.

He is dating a vagina. Her name is Kristen Stewart, and she is his Twilight co-star. Yes, this immediately makes us skeptics think they’re in a fauxmance to promote the movie, but Robert cannot be allergic to vaginas, or at least to boobs, because Stewart is the biggest boob of that franchise. And her vagina looks like it has teeth, for fuck’s sake.

Nobody is allergic to vaginas. If you believe The Google, you will understand that Robert cannot physiologically be banned from the arena of vaginas by some disorder that makes his throat close up. Or his penis shrivel.

Celebrities say sexual things they don’t mean. Robert still has to keep the tween audience in check, so it might be wise to not discuss the penetration of vaginas, but he isn’t the first, and won’t be the last actor type to discuss sexual things in a press interview. This is why Channing Tatum can talk about his (scalded) penis without turning off his young moviegoing audience, but still titillate the moms (and The Gays). Robert has been part of the Hollywood machine for long enough to know that saying something about vaginas will, absolutely, get picked up and used to titillate readers into purchasing the magazine. But that doesn’t mean he is, at all, turned off by vaginas. It’s part of his image: This sort of cute-but-uncomfortable guy who, while not entirely comfortable with sex, isn’t at all confused about his sexuality. That’s for Zac Efron.

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  • Jamie

    Ummm . . . scalded, not scolded, guys. Unless he stood there going, “Bad penis, baaaaad penis.” ;)

  • Lucky Luke

    If he was really gay, no way his PR people would let him say somehting like that.

  • dellisonly

    I disagree. I am allergic to vagina. I see them and they make me vomit

  • Juliet

    Well obviously he’s NOT gay because if he were even unsure about his sexuality he wouldn’t be saying things like that ! He cracks me, Rob’s hilarious.

  • cherryactrick

    whatever…i look forward to the day when a star can be a homo and not have to play these PR bullshit games. I mean c’mon…they’re all straight? yeah right….I know…if they are they keep it to themselves and when they’re not we know get to find about their hetero loves…GIVE ME A BREAK!

  • ossurworld

    Well, this proves that being gay is congenital.

  • alan brickman

    theres an semi-unknown actor who wishes to stay in the closet in england who know’s Rob’s whole story…

  • Dana

    I really don’t think Rob was trying to reach the gay demographic. C’mon people haven’t you heard the joke?

    A man goes to the doctor. Says,”DOCTOR DOCTOR,I hate vaginas; I think i am allergic to them.”
    Doctor:’Why do you think that sir?”
    Man:”Because every time I am near them, I get terribly swollen and need to rub.”

  • Pam

    It was a joke. And a very old one at that. Signs of vagina allergy are swelling, redness, shortness of breath, etc. I’m beginning to think America is deficient in a sense of humor.

  • Mike

    Dana, I’ve never heard the “I hate” part as a preamble to the joke. In fact, it negates the joke, no?

  • Scott

    @alan brickman:

    And what is Rob’s story? LOL

  • solas

    Perhaps you have never been a healthy straight heterosexual boy, especially in England where this originates, but please consider this and the context of the article:
    A man goes to the doctor and says–Doctor–I hate vaginas- I am totally allergic to them and I cannot take it anymore! At which the doctor asks, What makes you think you are allergic? To which the man replies–every time I am near one, I get terribly swollen!

    This has been a joke, especially amongst straight adolescent boys, and when they have a ‘reaction’ after seeing a pretty girl, especially in a state of undress, they joke– I’m allergic to vaginas, ya know. Sometimes they will just say–allergies and will go off into hysterics, knowing exactly what the ‘allergic’ reaction was.

    In the context of the interview, where Pattinson was asked about the 12 hour photo shoot with naked women who were total strangers to himself, he could have said something outright vulgar, such as he had a hard-on the whole freakin time, but rather chose in a gentlemanly fashion to give the verbal response that referenced the old joke, knowing those with understanding would understand.

  • Michael

    Why do people use the excuse “Oh he’s dating a girl so he can’t be gay”? It’s like the “Rock Hudson Syndrome” where people are all too willing to believe what’s being fed to them. Who cares if he’s gay or not but it’s a bit pathetic to be so adamant with such proclamations of “He MUST be straight”.

  • Kieran

    What a pathetic article. Bobby Pattinson can’t be gay—he just CAN’T BE!!! Because….well, he’s dating a girl. What is this the Teen Beat website? No wonder nobody signs these articles.

  • Lukas P.

    He’s a Brit. Their sense of humor is different than yours. The vagina joke is older than Liz Taylor {OMG — is that possible?} and it fell crashing noisily to the ground to the Politically Correct ear of the American public, waiting for the wild fire of gossip mags to confirm our individual hopes, suspicions and neuroses.

    *Is he cute? Yeah, okay, probably.
    *Those lips? Let me experiment with kissing them and I’ll report back.
    *Is he bright? Jury is still out on that.
    *Can he actually act? I dunno, you tell me. I vote “nay.”

    Did he get a LOT of press from the remark and take attention away from fellow “vagitarian” John Mayer? Hell yeah!
    His job is to fuel attention to his movies, and at that he & his press agent are brilliant.

  • dontblamemeivotedforhillary

    He just comes across as a celebrity who is overwhelmed by the spotlight – hello, crazy-ass Twilight fanatics? Whether or not the pouting Metrosexual is in fact a depressive in a bipolar state will unravel over time like with tragedy, LiLo. Vaginas can smell like the fish market but a room full of gay men can smell like an unflushed toilet, too!

  • Patty

    Mike is right. The “I hate vaginas” part negates the joke.

    @Alan Brickman. I guess I’m not the only one here who wants to know Rob’s ‘whole story’. Can you tell us more about what that English actor knows about Rob?

  • Ben

    The guy looks like a rat.

    Unless he’s got some sparkling personality or rapier wit that we’ve yet to be privy to, I can’t imagine any straight woman regretting him being gay, nor any gay man regretting him being straight.

  • B

    QUEERTY; “Nobody is allergic to vaginas.” Maybe (more precisely, you don’t know of any proven cases) but there are documented allergic reactions to spermicides. See
    http://familyplanningofcc.org/default.aspx?pg=5cb5a1eb-33c3-4f25-aaaa-fe160d3c18dc :

    “Of 100 couples relying on condoms with spermicide, about 10 pregnancies may occur during the first year of use. However, the use of spermicides with Nonoxynol-9 (currently the only available spermicide in the United States) may cause irritation of the vagina, penis, or rectum, increasing the risk for transmission of sexually transmitted infections including HIV.”

  • onCloud9

    whats a vagina?

  • damon459

    who writes this stuff seriously? some monkey at a computer? Robert is not I repeat not dating Kristen Stewart that rumor is older then Twilight for f**k sake this blog just keeps getting trashier every time I log on you one or two real stories and 8-9 stories fresh from The National Enquirer. Would you please find some journalistic standards please!

  • ossurworld

    Hold on! You mean people read Queerty for journalistic reasons????

  • terrwill

    @onCloud9: I think its where you park your volvos……….

  • scott ny'er

    @solas: thanks to you and others for explaining. This American/Ny’er never heard of the joke and I WAS confused by his comments. Makes lots of sense now.

  • Mr.Jones

    @terrwill: LOLOLOLOLOL. Volvos in the vagina. Love it.

  • benlayvey

    Vagina? Yuck! I get frightened by those things. Seriously, they can suck you in at moments notice. I cannot begin to think how Str8 men put those near their mouths.

  • benlayvey

    @alan brickman: “theres an semi-unknown actor who wishes to stay in the closet in england who knows Rob’s whole story…”

    You mean Tom Sturridge right? He was so beautiful in “Being Julia” as Benings’ son. There are Youtube vids about their friendship but I doubt if it goes beyond that.

    Don’t know about you but I want those lips on my dick! Showered or not!

  • willy

    UGH isn’t Details the same magazine that routine publishes racist and homophobic articles. That they are trying to market themselves as a pseudo gay magazine is sickening and I hope gays wake up and stop buying this crap.

  • I have a vagina

    Rob is gay. Case closed. Have a nice weekend everybody!

    -straight woman

Comments are closed.