Russia Declares U.S. Will Collapse by Next Year, Evidenced By all Those Gays and Prisoners


INTERNATIONAL CREATIONS — Have you heard the United Sates will collapse on itself by 2010? That we’ll dissolve into just six territorial states by 2011? That President Obama will install martial law by Christmas? And that the proof all these doomsdays are coming is that we’re a nation full of gay guys?

Noted Russian scholar — a term we’ll use loosely — Igor Panarin, the dean at the Foreign Ministry’s school for future diplomats and a talking head on Russia’s state television networks, had predicted all of this. And given that he’s backed by the Kremlin, the Russian government (that means President Dmitry Medvedev and Prime Minister Vladimir Putin) apparently also see things this way.

Spinning his yarn during a lecture to students, diplomats, and fellow teachers yesterday, Panarin (an ex-KGB analyst) is famous for comparing the U.S. to the Nazis, with the source material for his “statements of fact” being unnamed magazines and newspapers.

But unilke Rush Limbaugh, Panarin says he doesn’t wish for America to collapse, but it’s on its way — thanks to the moral decline brought on by Americans “great psychological stress [that] is evident from school shootings, the size of the prison population and the number of gay men,” reports the AP.

“I was there recently and things are far from good,” he told his audience. “What’s happened is the collapse of the American dream.”