Tongue bath

WATCH: Sexy gay nature lover has hilariously close call with Buffalo

When Seattle veterinarian technician Matthew Schneider wanted to cheer up his lifelong friend Laura this week, he chose a drive through Olympic Game Park in Washington to enjoy the wildlife.

What could possibly go wrong?

Plenty, and hilariously so. As Laura slowly drives in the park and films him, Matthew is suddenly awash in massive tongues and Buffalo fur as the animals reach their heads inside the car for the park-approved slices of bread Matthew feeds them. His squeals of horror and delight have to be seen to be believed.

Animals have always been a passion for the 29-year-old gay dude. “I grew up watching Crocodile Hunter while everyone else was watching cartoons,” Matthew tells Queerty.  “I have been a vet tech for almost 3 years,” he said. “I have a serious interest in exotic and zoo animals. I interned at Point Defiance Zoo & Aquarium as well as an Exotic Animal clinic where I worked with everything from polar bears and walruses to carpet pythons and sugar gliders.”

We’re not exactly sure what a sugar glider is, but we imagine they are in good hands with Matthew, who is single and not opposed to some lightly work-unfriendly images of himself on his very entertaining Instagram page. He sounds like perfect husband material for the man who likes his animal lovers sweet and sexy.

But please don’t try Matthew’s Buffalo antics at home – or at least, not in the wild. “When buffalo are hand raised on a farm they are as tame as cattle,” Matthew instructed us, “but wild buffalo are not to be approached under any circumstances.”

We’ll keep that in mind.

We certainly don’t blame the Buffalo for his interest.

In the meantime, Matthew’s video is giving us life today.

Check out a sampling of this nature lover’s Instagram…

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  • ChrisK

    Reminds me of Nathan Lane in the Birdcage.

    • Xzamilloh

      Well, that dried me up

  • Markback

    Well I thought he was cute and like him!

  • Charlie in Charge

    Because how dare he have a gay accent?

  • Doughosier

    He’s super cute and would probably be lots of fun to hang out with.

  • damon459

    That’s not a “buffalo” that’s an American Bison, and yes it’s a huge difference. As a Native American it bugs me when “Americans” can’t refer to this majestic animal by its correct name, it’s not even related to the buffalo.

    • Brian

      Damon is right. Chris, did you even read the article you posted? Bison and buffalo are different species of mammals. Here in the USA, there are only bison. Even in the town of Buffalo, NY, there are no buffalo. There never were any. (And a “common” mistake doesn’t make something real. It’s still a mistake.)

    • ChrisK

      The name “buffalo” is listed in many dictionaries as an acceptable name for American buffalo or bison.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      @damon: The New World bird called a turkey has nothing to do with Turkey the country, so maybe you could try “correcting” that one too!

  • Blackceo

    Good grief some of y’all are just catty mean for no reason. You not f–king him so why does it matter if he has too much sugar in his tank for your taste?!! He seems like he’d always be fun to hang out with. Video had me cracking up.

    • RamblingManNJ

      Sugar in his tank??

    • Blackceo

      I’m not sure if you don’t like that I used the phrase “sugar in the tank” or if you don’t know what the phrase means.

  • He BGB

    This happened to me in Yellowstone. Nice day, with the windows down on the rental car….I didn’t know they stick their heads in the window and a huge tongue bigger than my head comes at you. I realized that they were used to being fed. It was a slow day and I was the only car on that road. So I felt bad I had nothing to fed him or her. But it scared me silly.

    • Brian

      Don’t feel bad! That was the right thing to do, and in the long run, it will protect that animal, the rest of its herd, the park, and future visitors!

  • Chris

    Hilarious! Just don’t try this with real wild animals. What a great experience, though.

  • nitejonboy

    He looks like a fun guy…but in that second pic it looks like he’s pissed his pants,LOL!!

  • Herman75

    I don’t fault him for being afraid but maybe he’s in the wrong biz. Vet tech????? Mmmmm-kay.

  • Aromaeus

    I swear every twinky white gay has that star pattern tattoo in the same damn spot

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