We’ve never understood men who say they’re looking for “straight acting” men or describe themselves in the same term.
First and foremost, it perpetuates repressive ideals of masculinity. Secondly, it tacitly rejects stereotypically gay behavior. And, finally, it just sounds dumb.
We’re not the only ones scratching our heads…
Here Gay Wired’s Dylan Vox takes a penetrating look at the straight up foolish phrase:
If straight acting refers to not being stereotypically gay, then it should be deducted that his behavior and personality is actually what men are not seeking when they say they only want straight acting men.
Or is the prejudice just against flamboyant behavior?
Certainly sites like Randy Blue, which hosts a bevy of beautiful men, most of whom claim to be straight, would not want to capture a flamboyant personality in porn, but is there any gay eroticism that does?
So why is the fantasy so much higher if the guys say they are straight?
For real – sure, we objectify straight men, but we’d never want to be straight. Can you imagine the worry of getting a girl pregnant? We shudder at the thought.
On a semi-related note: are we the only ones who think this image looks like Dennis Kucinich?
ACTING should be left behind when one comes out of the closet. If one must chose a label in that vein, “masculine” would suffice. To say you are “straight-acting” implies that it’s all an act and that you hold being straight as the standard to strive for. Straight-acting? SO when does the act end..when you’re alone in your apartment?
Some people think I am obviously gay (i.e., not straight acting) and others think I act totally straight. Go figure. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
Oh, and los gays want to have sex with straight guys b/c its kinky (and affirming) to bring them over to the dark side. Duh.
hells kitchen guy
What’s especially stupid is that in this post-liberation, post metrosexual, post-everything age, there’s no such thing as “acting straight” or “acting gay.” Gaydar totally doesn’t work anymore. The whole concept is so 1975.
In all my many years- let’s say I’ve been around the block- everyone I’ve known who described himself as straight-acting has had one thing in common. They’re queens.
It’s a funhouse mirror thing. We really can’t see ourselves as we are. Larry Craig, no doubt, thinks, “Gosh, I am fooling everyone. Hee-hee, I love it. I am really pulling off this not gay thing.”
Them not act nellie like us do!
Well, to each his own and I do agree that one should not fall into society’s definitions of masculine and feminine but men and women are different at least in some ways. I don’t have to have a overly macho football player type for a boyfriend but at the same time, for my personal taste, I don’t want a guy everytime he speaks a purse falls out. Sorry if that is not politically correct. But isn’t this discussion something about choices? One can choose how to live and others can choose what they prefer????
I think it has to do more with acceptance of one’s orientation and is quite negative. If a guy describes himself as masculine, then I think he likes sports or works out or something like that. If he describes himself as straight-acting, then I think he’s in the closet, is uncomfortable around other homosexuals, and/or has serious orientation-acceptance issues. Basically, to me, straight-acting is the negative of a negative and in this case, that DOES NOT make a positive.
Straight acting to me means not feminine. If I wanted to have sex with a woman I would be straight. I don’t want to be with a man who acts like a woman. I don’t see anything wrong with looking for a straight acting man.
I’m sure everyone knows a straight guy who has characteristics that are considered feminine like Charles Nelson Reilly and Paul Lynde to name a few from my parent’s generation.
But seriously, I’m conflicted. Instead of straight-acting how about narrow-definition-of-straight-man-acting.
Masculinity as an ideal is certainly understandable in gay male culture. We do, after all, want to have sex with men, and we tend to eroticize all things masculine: muscle jocks, jockstraps, powerful executives, power suits, uniforms, soldiers, cops, etc. So I am not offended by guys who are looking for someone “masculine”.
The phrase “straight acting” on the other hand DOES offend me because it makes the implicit assumption that “gay” automatically equals “feminine”. In reality, gay folks span the spectrum of masculinity, and straight men do not “own” the right to be masculine.
The phrase “straight acting” is laden with self hatred and is essentially eroticizing the closet.
Which is more self assured? – a masculine openly gay man, or a masculine closeted gay man? One is free and one is hiding. One is comfortable with himself and one is trying to hide “unacceptable” aspects of himself.
I’m not going to pretend to be above having straight-boy-fantasies. The unattainable tends to be desirable. But when I hear someone describe himself as “straight acting” I automatically sense a lack of self-confidence and therefore a lack of masculinity.
Jon wrote “Straight acting to me means not feminine.” The opposite of feminine is masculine.
I suspect that many “straight-acting” men aren’t as “straight-acting” as they think they are.
Of course, everyone is entitled to like whomever they like, but I wouldn’t want to be with someone in the closet or that has orientation issues.
My spouse feels the same way; we both would have passed over any online profile that reads “straight-acting” or “seeking straight-acting” and we’ve been together for 10 years and met over AOL.
It remains my opinion that anyone that seeks “straight-acting” or writes “straight-acting” to describe themselves has issues.
the word “acting” is right in there in the name! Some guys are more masculine than others, but I feel like trying to come off all manly is stupid and I’ve met tons of guys who are not as stereotypically masculine as they imagine they are. I’m into just being who I am (weird) without worrying about always seeming “straight acting”
A feminine man is a not a woman.
By that logic, you guys would get fucked by a masculine woman… which you’d all balk at..
This is so stupid. I can’t believe folks are trying to argue their internalized heterosexist ideologies!
it amazes me how people can get so bent out of shape over linguistics. get over it! get a thesaurus, and describe yourself in YOUR terms… and don’t let anyone give you shit about it – freedom of speech, you know. for some reason, because someone uses the term “straight acting”, it ALSO somehow implies “not the slime of the earth homosexual rainbow-spewing fags with glitter eyeshadow and a parade trumpeting out the ass.” i don’t get that leap… i take the words for what they are – i make no assumptions.
the fact is that “straight acting” doesn’t say shit anymore. what KIND of ‘straight acting’? jock? nerd? kicker? hippie? coke-head? gym-rat? blue-collar? executive? couch potato? stripper chaser? preppy? grungy? WHAT?!? they are all straight but they are all completely different persons. there are STRAIGHT men that act gayer than drag queens. the lines between “acting” gay and straight are so mixed right now. this is why the term “masculine” is not a proper substitute. “masculine” denoted level of testosterone, NOT how one acts. many straight men act really weak and wimpy… “sensitive” even – and many gay men act quite butch and manly. the terms are not synonymous because of that.
maybe the point is that an outsider cannot pick you out in a crowd. “i act just like every other straight man you see… no difference at all.” i’m sure that was VERY important in the 50’s 60’s and 70’s when “acting” gay would get you beat up or killed without so much as a blink… but today, it’s different.
Today, using a term like “straight acting” is not only archaic, it’s considerably narrow-minded if we think that all straight guys act the same. i think the more educated you are, the better you can describe yourself, but i personally don’t see what the “big offense” is to using the term itself.
“Straight-acting” seems to describe people with image problems and an inability to separate fantasy from reality. But, I’ve noticed that a large chunk of gay men (actually, a large chunk of most Americans, but we’re sticking to what we know) have major image problems and can’t separate fantasy from reality.
For example,Morning Goods. Yes, looking at pictures of hot guys is fun, but Morning Goods reflects a larger problem with our self images. Models and actors spend a good chunk of time working out and dieting before shooting. Then, after a lot of shots are taken, the best ones are chosen, which are then airbrushed. So, 6 months later, when said model or actor hasn’t worked for a while, he’s not going to look like those photos. Yet, we still look at the photos and think, “wow, he’s hot,” with very little recognition that he is just a fantasy. You also see this all the time on chat rooms and personal ads where it seems that many gay men seem to think that the people and scenes set up in pornography really occur everyday.
It’s one reason why I was impressed at the fact that the recent article about the couple bored me to tears. They were just people, not some silly queen trying to pretend life is a porn shoot.
I’m all for the term “Straight Acting.” For me it’s synonymous with: “Run like hell from this fool.” I like when people wear their damage on their sleeves. It makes `em easier to spot.
Take Tom Cruise. Please.
He doesn’t flutter around like a queen, burst into a medley from “Gypsy,” he has a strong, buff body, he isn’t a pretty boy (not with THAT honker), he has for years been the star of action movies, and although he doesn’t possess a deep, resonant voice, it’s not high-pitched either. Tom Cruise is not feminine. YET… to many people, he is gay. And the more people suspect he’s gay, the more he gets into awkward situations trying to show he’s straight. What I’m trying to say is that being “straight-acting” is certainly acting. And the difference between gay and straight is not exactly masculine vs. feminine.
Now the problem only continues! One of the main reasons guys might identify themselves as “straight-acting” is the fact that from the straight perspective, if you’re gay, you’re effeminate, and from a large gay perspective (including my almost first boyfriend) if you’re not, you’re only lying to yourself.
there’s a difference when you encounter whethor or not sexuality defines the person. I’m not “gay” acting, but I’m not “straight” acting either. Let’s not lose our sense of human individuality.
we see the same situation happening right now, in the 2008 pres. election with Barack Obama and how black he is. anyway, let’s not get caught up in the stereotypes created for, against, and because of us.
p.s. I too thought of Kucinich when I first saw the picture.
Jon- if you are looking for a straight acting man then I guess that would make you a straight acting women, right?
Hisurfer’s comment (#17) is priceless!
yeah you sure are “straight acting” with my cock in your mouth, LOL
that and these “straight acting” guys who say “fuck my pussy” while you pound them.
No one’s answered the question: is there any porn out there that glorifies fem gay men?
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